I used to have it all. I was quite popular, had loads of friends, I was good at soccer and I really enjoyed my life. Until I got sick. It all started during the schoolyear 2009-2010. After a soccer game I became unwell. I got tired, dizzy, I felt sick everyday. I visited alot of doctors. Some doctor found out something was wrong with my heart. He said I could've died if I kept on sporting. I just had to rest alot which I did. When my heart got fixed I was soo tired everyday. So I went to visit the doctor again and he concluded I had Chronical fatigue syndrom. I felt so sad and angry, because I thought I could never play soccer again which was my life back then. I got dizzy most of the time when I stood up or when I tried to sport a bit. Apperently I had problems with my blood pressure aswell. So I stayed at home throughout the entire school year. I decided to change school because I thought I would have problems concentrating because the tests and stuff were quite hard there. So I decided to do something easier at school: Construction. It seemed a great choice, because my dad owns a construction business and I wanted to learn more about it. The first month I was trying to fit in, cause I hardly knew anyone at that school. I thought it worked, but as soon as they started talking to me. They started bullying me. Not physical but mentally. Everynight I asked God to stop the bullying cause it was tearing me apart. Every morning I felt sick, tired, scared, nervous, angry before I went to school. One day some bully asked me this: 'Hey do you have a rope at home' I replied: 'Yes, Why' he said: 'Well you should hang yourself with it, no one would care'. That evening I really considered comitting suicide (I almost tried it). But I tried to stay strong, I tried to ignore them but it was so damn hard. Because I changed school, I didn't have much contact with my old friends because I haven't seen them for 1-2 years. I was quite popular on youtube, so I also had alot of friends on the internet. Some of them really helped me through, They woke up and went on skype to talk to me before I went to school and they were also there after school to talk to me. If I didn't have them, I wouldn't be here probably. I got bullied the entire year. I don't know why they bullied me, I just tried to fit in, that's all I wanted ;(. I was one year older then the bullies, because I had to redo 10th grade because I stayed home for the entire schoolyear (before I changed school). Then I passed, so I was allowed to go to the 11th grade. But I refused doing that, because I couldn't handle being bullied for another 2 years. My parents or the teachers knew nothing about it, they still don't ;c. I changed school again (went back to my previous one) and I had to do 10th grade again (which is almost finished now). So the people in my class are 15/16/17 and I'm 18 at the moment. I'm currently 2 years older then most of the people in my class. This schoolyear is almost finished, I haven't been bullied since june last year. I have more friends now then when I was bullied. I don't think about suicide anymore . I'm sometimes still a bit sad about what happened to me. If I didn't change schools in the first place.. I wouldn't been bullied, so that really made me angry. I have good grades this year, so I'm quite sure I'm gonna pass. So I can finally start the 11th grade . I still miss soccer though, I still can't play it because I get dizzy or because I'm really tired (hopefully I will play soccer oneday). I actually don't know how I survived all this mess o; I'm just glad I did, Loving life atm . Sorry for my bad English, punctuation/spelling mistakes.

-Crashyy

Ouch, what is it with people and walls of text without any structure or whitespace these days?

I'm glad you overcame your depression, having suffered from it myself in the past, but please, try and learn basic writing structure. Walls of text makes peoples eyes glaze over, words run into each other, and makes the evaluation of the written words 1000x harder than it should be.

Congratulations on overcoming your demons. A lot of people struggle to overcome the dark cloud that hovers over them when having experiences such as yours, and for that you should feel great satisfaction. I wish you all the best and hope you achieve happiness and success in the future.

PS: Do be mindful to structure your replies into paragraphs as this makes reading it far easier on the reader. Seeing a big wall of text will put off many people no matter how good the content of your writing happens to be.

So happy you were able to change things around! Being a teen today is a difficult experience, especially if you get sick and have other devastating things happen to you. Glad you have overcome all the obstacles and are on the right path! You sound like a very strong, determined person and you're going to do well in life. Keep hanging in there, it gets better each and every year. Don't let bullies bring you down, it's usually a lot more about them than about you. Say a prayer for them, if it gets too bad or dangerous, let an adult know, and hold your head up and keep going forward!
God Bless and sleep well!

Good for you love.
The effects of bullying can be horrific, never mind while dealing with illness as well. So glad you were able to get away from the situation.
Wishing you much more happiness & healing in the future.
<3

Good on you for making it through that tuff time in your life which i know a lot of people can relate to including me.

As for the soccer situation im not sure how bad your fatigue is but you could maybe try being goalie? you still have to do the odd diving save but pretty much no running.
I have known larger guys (so not that healthy) who have done this and they love it!

Good luck.

It sounds like an shamanic initiation.

You are going to be such an amazing human being.

Your path was difficult, but the fruits will be many.

All this by the time you're 18? Wow. Just Wow.

You have a strong heart and soul.

Can I rewrite your intro? :

"I thought I had it all...but now I have MORE."

Congrats on defeating the depression, it can be debilitating. it sounds like you had to go through a hell of a lot, but it also sounds like your stronger for it. i used to feel like i had chronic fatigue bit it turned out i had some spiritual issues going onthat were draining me . if you change your diet and if your religously inclined you could pray, it might help. it suck's that you cant play soccer but maybe you could substitute it with another outside activity like biking if it's less strenous, stay strong, peace.

I'm so glad you overcame your depression. This Saturday May 26 2012 I overcame my depression. I'm so happy to read your story. Life can be complicated even though it's simple. Thanks

My previous thread got closed because you can't talk about suicide on ATS o; So I'm still wondering what would happen if a person who always has been nice to people commit suicide. What would happen in the afterlife? :c

Crashyy, I am sorry you were dealing with all that. Obviously this is my first post ... I actually found this site while searching for another one I researched some things on. Either way, I came upon your post about the scratches on your back. Stretchmarks you called them.

I cant see them that well, and I am not a doctor but those really look and sound like a Bartonella rash. Maybe you already got this answer but from the other posts I saw by you, with your other symptoms, it is really entirely possible that is what those are. They look like stretchmarks but they are not.

Edited to add:
**It also can cause heart problems, quite serious ones. Im right in the middle of work...meant to add that.


Please research this. It is from Lyme disease.

My daughter has them as well. I have pics if anyone wants to see.

Now. Lyme disease has its own great conspriacy built right in so this may not only solve the mystery but also open up a new interesting subject for you here Im guessing there is talk about it on here somewhere, which is another reason I signed up.

I just couldnt not let you know, So many go undiagnosed. It can cause tons of anxiety, fatigue, shortness of breath, not being able the think clearly, weird rage outbursts. I have it as well but we are both getting better.

You will need to find an LLMD to treat it as most doctors are quite ignorant about it. ILADS is a good place online for info.

Sorry for throwing this on you. Just wanted to help.

FrogLover (and mom)

Not to be a jerk, OP, but can you maybe use paragraphs in your entry?

Anyway, I "suffer" from depression, and so does my girl, so I'd like to congratulate you on defeating it.