posted on May, 24 2012 @ 07:52 AM
If one examines the history of the men who have, as Tom Wolfe said, the right stuff, one will be impressed by the courage, skill and bravura they have
shown, whether it be in the cockpit of Apollo 13 or the first spacewalk. They are the cream of American Manhood, and all small boys everywhere, and
grown men too, share a secret lust for the stars and the life of those who dare to travel beyond our mortal realm.
These modern, and oh so chivalrous, knights may well be admirable, but one can't help get the feeling, as one inspects the photographs of these
universally white, crew cut, blue eyed and rugged chinned men, that it might be better to choose another type of bodyform and temperament
Here I shall argue that NASA astronauts should be homosexual.
At first this may seem outrageous, nay, utterly preposterous. But let us look at the supreme advantages gay men have over the sickeningly common,
stereotypically heterosexual men currently employed.
Gay men have better visio-spatial and dexterity skills. Gay men are better at dexterity tests than heterosexual men, and are indeed comparable to
women in this arena. They are also better at horizontal and vertical spatial orientation tasks. Obviously then, they would be far better suited to
such tasks as piloting the shuttle, repairing the Hubble space telescope, and so on.
Homosexual men display a number of hypermasculine characteristics. This may seem like a strange qualification, but there have been concerns at NASA
that the current crop of astronauts are too weak and submissive. When involved in joint missions with the Russians on Mir, the American astronauts
were forced into submissive roles, such as cleaning toilets and swabbing floors, whilst the Russians did the expert, relatively interesting tasks in
comfort. One astronaut, John Blaha, was referred to as the 'bitch' of the station. NASA has tried to compromise by sending more butch astronauts
such as Michael Foales without much success, but by employing homosexual instead, they can be sure that their proven hypermasculine characteristics
(such as: More sexual partners, larger gonads, more testosterone, etc etc) will save the day.
Gay men have more efficient brains. This is because the heterosexual man is strongly left brained, such that he is specialised towards simple
reptilian tasks, but the homosexual man uses both sides of his brain equally, resulting in a superb, and highly efficient, synthesis. As the brain
uses up to 30% of the energy consumed by our bodies, this means that they consume less food, and hence payloads on gay missions can be significantly
smaller. As missions currently cost $100,000 per kilo, and NASA is trying to cost cut and do things smaller, cheaper, faster, we can see that the use
of gay men exclusively would allow NASA to both cut costs and send more scientific instruments on future shuttle flights and missions to Mars.
Homosexual men can be lovers. As we turn our ambitions towards longer space missions, we can see that the issue of sex in space will become important,
and that it is unreasonable and even cruel to send men on long, protracted missions without romantic company. There have been suggestions that the men
use inflatable girlfriends - Russian cosmonauts on Mir once requested such a solution. However, it is feared that using these contraptions on extended
space flights can result in so-called 'doll syndrome' - where the astronaut begins to prefer the doll to real female company. This is clearly
inhumane and cruel. Obviously the solution is to employ gay men, who can then safely love one another. Gay sex is also less emotionally demanding that
heterosexual sex. Where females lie back after sex, wonder what the future holds and demand emotional attention, cuddling and so forth, men can report
to duty almost immediately, such is their perfunctory attitude to sex. Men separate sex and emotion, where women do not. This is a great advantage.
Gay men are resistant to alienation. Space is an unforgiving place, where men must work alone without human comfort or variety for many lonesome
hours. The typical gay man has faced such privations throughout his lifetime, as they are oppressed in our society from birth to death. What better
way for NASA to get people used to this terrible affliction, the one affliction all of us fear more than any other, than to employ gay men?
Gay men are better housekeepers and are tidier. This means that for extended space flights in zero gravity they should be much better at avoiding the
problems that slobby heterosexual men are well known for. They have better personal hygiene, which means that they are less likely to suffer from
Homosexual men have better interpersonal skills. Thus we can see that they are much more suited to getting on with each other, and sensing
interpersonal problems before they even occur. In the wilderness of space this is extremely important.
Spacecraft with gay occupants would need less radiation shielding. The first sign of radiation poisoning is that you hair falls out and longer term
effects include the loss of reproductive ability. As gays are unlikely to reproduce, and also are obsessive when it comes to waxing and shaving, and
indeed defoliation of all sorts, we can see that radiation poisoning will have no effect on them. This will allow the space craft to be much smaller,
lighter and faster.
Gay men make better cultural ambassadors. The mark of any advanced society is that it is tolerant towards homosexuals. If one looks at the Ancient
Greeks, and in particular the Spartans, one will find that they positively encouraged homosexual relations. Indeed, the Spartans had their men living
in dormitories, from birth till the age of 30, and the whole army and society was based on homosexuality. Heterosexual relations were strictly
controlled, and it is thought that the Spartan army was so fearsome because the men truly loved and fought for one another. If aliens should
happenstance upon our ambassadors to the stars, they should be impressed by our civilisation's cultural equality and social tolerance. They will then
surely be more likely to trade us advanced technology for the better of all Mankind. And should, as has been mooted, the aliens wish to sexually
experiment upon our brave pioneers, then the astronauts should find it far less stressful, already used as they are to alternative sexual
to be continued ...