Grief Comforting for the ATS family

Hello everyone. ATS is such a great "family". As such, I feel that a "grief comforting" thread would be a great addition. Everyone here (for the most part) is so compassionate and caring when it matters.

A little background:
In 1998, my cousin was shot in the head by her boyfriend. It was a complete accident, but we lost an angel that Christmas eve. If I had known of ATS back then, I would have ran here and shared my pain, knowing that most of you would have given me what I needed most at that time. Because of my loss that year I studied grief counseling and psychology. I learned a lot about loss and coping with it.

I know there are other sites out there that deal with this, but ATS seems to be more of a "family" than any other site I have visited or been a member of. Because of this unity and the common thread that ties us all together, I want to offer my heart to all those who need it. I urge everyone else to do the same. We aren't professionals but we CAN lean on each other to catch our breath when horrible things happen.

I understand if this isn't met well with everyone. I just hope those who don't agree with it move on and let those who need a shoulder to cry on do so.

So....to all those in pain now, know that you can share your pain here, be comforted, and know that even though we are just "avatars", some of us still have a human side and care. Humanity needs to come together.. I just want to do my part, however small or ridiculous it may seem.

With that, I have these things to end with--
1: What do you all think? And...2: If you need/want to share your pain here DO IT, I will listen, even if nobody else does.

(Staff: Modify as necessary.)

Disclaimer: This is NOT meant to replace the counsel of trained professionals!



Also, I say to all who have used ATS like this to share their experiences.

reply to post by Rustyk


I've discovered the same thing and have used the ATS community as a sounding board and a support group. Honestly, I don't think I could find any other forum that would see those threads turn into troll fests, and I appreciate that.

reply to post by Rustyk


My condolences on your loss.

The ATS family was there for me on the darkest day of my life, and for many weeks afterward - A Parent's Worst Nightmare Come True: The Death Of My Daughter

As long as I live I will never be able to adequately thank those who came to share their well wishes and offer their prayers; so I'll just say it again for any who see this: THANK YOU.

reply to post by OldCorp


Thank you for the kind words. And I am so very sorry for your loss. It's because of things like that (everybody coming together the way they did) that make me LOVE this place. So many people who care, and aren't afraid to show it. Where else, but good ol' ATS?

The ATS community has been there for me as well. I wrote this thread a few weeks ago and since doing so, have made a huge turn around. Mostly because of the good words and resources that were brought forward within the thread. I can't thank everyone here enough for helping me find the way out of my hole I was in. Here is said thread if you would like to take a look.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

reply to post by usmc0311


That is horrible! I hope things are getting better for you, but you know you have some kind of support group right here.
War is hell...

I have to say two things though: "Sir, Thank you for your service, and for defending my freedom(s)!"
Second--to all military service persons: "Thank you for your service, and for defending my freedom(s)!

reply to post by usmc0311

OP, my condolences on the loss of your cousin. No doubt it has had a sobering effect on every Christmas since.

I have a child who was born on the same day as a local massacre, and every year she complains that the media reminders put a damper on her special day. I hope you have come to honor each one separately.

Yesterday, Marine, I read about a man whose ex-wife plastered 8X10 ads on every pole in town with his phone number, urging people to call if they wanted to talk to someone and be listened to. (Unfortunately I erased my history when I turned off my computer so I can't find it any more.) However the story said he has received oodles of calls and finds that by merely listening on the phone, that he has helped a lot of people so he still continues the practice after many months. Maybe you can be a listener for vets? You sound pretty grounded at the moment and your thread brought forth many different kinds of suggestions, and support. Keep on hugging that little one. You have lots of marveling to do yet!

reply to post by aboutface


Thank you aboutface. As for me, it really messed up Christmas, but the family has figured out how to honor her and have fun during the holidays.

As for your child's birthday, I feel bad for her (but I smile as I write this)...what a crappy deal.
That story of the guy posting on all over is, in my opinion, really cool. I have to give that individual kudo's for trying to help his fellow man/woman.

I think you have a good idea for usmc. It may be good for both you (usmc) and anyone looking for help.

Despite(?) this being a conspiracy forum, it really is an awesome support group for many people, as we have people from SOOO many walks of life.

The ATS community was here for me when i sat home alone on Christmas the day my xhusband walked out..I was so depressed and lonely and the hurt was overwhelming..

But the ATS community help me get though that night with love and understanding and i sure appreciated it so now i feel ATS is "family" when i had no one else to turn to..
peace,sugarcookie1
Thread
www.abovetopsecret.com...

reply to post by OldCorp


Just chiming in here to let you know that my husband and I lost a daughter as well. I know that pain all to well sadly. If you ever need to talk or just to know that you are not alone, please feel free to U2U me if you want.Not many folks can understand what that kind of gaping loss can do. I am more sorry than I can say that you had to go through this.

To the OP, I think this is an excellent idea. I have been overwhelmed by the out pouring of support I have seen and received here on ATS! A dedicated thread or forum would be terrific IMO.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


IF this thread gets 25 flags, I will probably open a new "Emotional Support" thread dedicated for people looking for help. I have it ready to go, when the time comes.
So let people know about this and let's see what happens.

I know I'm willing to help out however possible, and from the responses so far, most of ATS is too.

reply to post by Rustyk


I'm sorry for your loss Rusty,i know how it is to lose someone close to you(i think everybody does).Last year i lost 2 very close friends of mine.I still can't come to terms with that,i don't even have the heart to delete their phone numbers and emails from my contact lists.

Thank you for this thread.

reply to post by Phantom traveller


I'm sorry for your loss. I have overcome my obstacle, it took a few years, and still I think about her often.

It does get better over time, but what they don't and can't tell you is how much time it takes to get better.
If you want to talk about it further, message me. I am happy to listen, and help if I can.
You are welcome for the thread. I just wanted to extend my humanity to the rest of the ATS family.

Hey everyone,
Sorry I hadn't taken the time to read your thread earlier RustyK. I think this is a great idea and I apologize to those of you who have made threads that I have not replied to. Had I seen them I would have replied. Just my nature I guess but if I see someone suffering I can't just keep walking.
We all need to take the time to say we care and offer whatever help and comfort we can. This world can be a cruel and lonely place and often real life friends and family aren't available or sadly, don't care.
You can always find people here who do. Not just lip service, but people who will listen and offer experiences from their own lives that relate to your own loss. People who won't judge you either.
I can't count the number of friends here that I know I could count on to be there for me should the need arise. In my book that makes me a very lucky man indeed.
I'd like to be one of those people for others if I can. Since I'm on disability I'm here most every day so if you need a friendly ear don't hesitate. PM me if you feel the need for privacy. It's just one way that I or anyone else can try to make the world a little bit better place.
I think it's amazing that there's an online community like this and I'm blessed to be a part of it with all of you.
Cheers,
Asktheanimals

PS - Don't ignore the trolls, pray for them. Those so heartless as to kick others when they're down need far more help than most of us. Reason being they were probably abused or have suffered alone so they lash out in their own pain and despair.

Originally posted by Rustyk
reply to post by Phantom traveller

 

I'm sorry for your loss. I have overcome my obstacle, it took a few years, and still I think about her often.

It does get better over time, but what they don't and can't tell you is how much time it takes to get better.
If you want to talk about it further, message me. I am happy to listen, and help if I can.
You are welcome for the thread. I just wanted to extend my humanity to the rest of the ATS family.

Thank you.
I forgot to add that i'm here for anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on.When you know loss and pain it's hard to look the other way,when someone goes through the same thing that you did.
I feel ATS is my home and although i have never met anyone,i feel closer to all of you than i feel right now with my "real" life friends.

Instead of opening another thread, for now, I've decided to just post the following, and let this evolve from here.

A lot of ATS members are willing to give support and "counseling" to those in need. We have all felt pain, it's part of the human experience.
Don't be afraid to post here telling us all "this terrible thing happened, I need support", (in your own words, of course) We will all pitch in and share our thoughts and condolences in private messages (and a few here in this thread obviously).
The ATS community is always willing to help out where and when it can. For those afraid of "telling the world" your story, you are welcome to message me.
I'm sure a few others are also willing to listen and help.

[edit] @Asktheanimals: I agree we shouldn't ignore the trolls...We just need to avoid feeding them [/edit]