posted on May, 23 2012 @ 10:52 PM
(mods if this is the wrong section, please do what you must do. ^_^ )
I believe fully that a reason kids (from youth to death at any age if you think on the following) are so 'bad' and do such awful things for
attention is due to a few main reasons we all can fix. Here are those things: Hug your kids every single day as much as you can and tell them you
love them as much as you can. That right there is a vital lesson, one my 17 year old son knows as well.
For a time, I got lost in the world of no job, stress, escaping with games etc. I started to stop telling my son many times a day that I love him and
giving him hugs. And he obviously noticed and got super depressed. Of course that about faced immediately upon him telling me and I realized something
that he's known forever now.
Kids don't just want acknowlegement or to be told 'you'll be fine in time.' "Everyone goes through this" "you'll find out when you're my
age...", "You're just a teen.: Etc. That does not cut it. They need hugged as much as you can, told you love them as much as you can. That RIGHT
THERE is the reason why most kids are so acting out and doing bad things. 9 out of 10 kids I talk to tell me they NEVER hear I love you from their
parents or get hugs all the time. Usually they get cut down. OR made to feel their issues are just 'something teens go through'. It's NOT.
Seriously if your kid is like becoming depressed or acting out or something, stop to see if you're hugging them enough, giving them positive
reinforcements. Telling them you love them and it's all gonna be fine. If you were/are the kind to spank or yell when they do wrong, do you follow it
with a hug and an "I love you' - or do you just 'now you'll know better' and walk away?
My son came to me last night and told me 'mom, i know you've been stressed about not finding work and this and that - but remember when you used to
hold me and hug me all the time and used to tell me I love you before school, after school and during the day and evening? you stopped doing that a
little while ago.' That got me right in the soul because I WAS so into my own stress and # that when he'd try to talk to me, I'd say, "Oh you're
just a teen." "I went through that too." "When you get older you'll see...' and that's NOT what he needed to hear or needs to hear. He needs
hugs. "I love you" "I'm proud of you" "Things will be all right." - even if things may NOT be all right, he still craves to hear the
reassurance to keep his positivity up.
My parents didn't say 'I love you' a lot when I was a later teen. Guess they felt I was too old to hear it? Or too old to have hugs? Shrugs. But
when I found myself doing that to my son as he pointed out, and .... well, when I said something about his problems like, "Well it's just something
all teens go through. You'll see when you get my age blah balh because my parents said the same thing to me and I hated it then but now I'm saying
it to you cuz it's true."
He goes, "THAT RIGHT THERE. Your parents didn't hug you etc enough and when you'd go to them with problems or opinions, they brushed it off as
'just teen' 'you'll see when you're my age'. But at the TIME did it make it better? Did you feel listened to?"
"Nope. now that you say that. No, I didn't." I had replied and then realized ..my god. That is a cycle we ALL get in to. Brushing # off as being
teens. Or maybe thinking hugs /love you's aren't needed for teens since they are 'so different'. or whatever the case is.
Media et al is one thing. Parents rely on it a lot for baby sitters. Plop the kid in front of the tv while mom does w/e. Or the xbox. Or ps3. Or
Everyone has one common denominator however: everyone NEEDS to be held. Everyone needs to be told they are loved. Worth something. Are amazing. Even
if they mess up they're still awesome. That they're wanted. etc. I think taking that from a growing person - even up to the point they pass away at
103 - really tosses a bad curve ball into many levels of development.
Look at a kid who gets yelled at or is never told they're loved a lot or that the parents are proud of them. She grows up with a distant in love
family. What's the chance she'll do that to her own future family? Cycles can and have been broken and some people are able to break out of that
rutt and give their kids the love and affection and such they need. But I just noticed after talking to a lot of teens that almost 9 out of 10 say
they get zero hugs, no loves, nothing. Just yelled at .
Well if you give negative all the time, one or two instances of hugs on xmas or w/e is NOT going to raise an emotionally healthy human. Nothing beats
a parent holding you and saying they love you and are proud of you.
I crave that from my own and I'm a parent! There is NO age where that need ceases. Never.
To the teens on here: my heart breaks for those who don't get hugs and loves from their parents. I hope you do. and if you don't, LET THEM KNOW.
sometimes we forget as parents -not because we stop loving, but because our own bs seems to dominate our kids and their problems (and we think) "Well
he/she can't possibly have the same stress I do. mine is work related. money related, 401k related, medical related. what does my kid have?
girls/boys problems? first kiss? homework? tests? ' We forget that kids issues are JUST as important and valid as ours. Definitely. Just as valid and
important and 'end of the world'.
To some small degree, homework, bullying, boy/girlfriend, first kiss, pregnancy scares, tests for college, etc ARE their WORLD. Yet the parents are
the ones who are to be the center in a way. The constant. The one/ones they can run to and get reassurance, Etc.
Your issues are JUST as valid and as important as the parents' issues. Just as valid. Just talk to them and remind them. You never know what will
come from a talk about it. Let them KNOW how that lack of hugs and love hurts. I pray to god they will listen and realize. I hit me hard when I
realized I had been not loving my kid like I used to cuz of my own life bs. I forgot he's got his too and it's JUST as valid as my own. We talked
for HOURS last night til about 4am, maybe 4.30.
Do what you can. Please. Ask them/her/him to just listen and hold from voicing their opinions til you're done speaking. To extend you the courtesy.
Sometimes people don't realize that what they think is enough (i buy food, i this that) is NOT enough.
Think on this, parents and future parents.