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These kids today are SO bad! - or are they?

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posted on May, 23 2012 @ 10:52 PM
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(mods if this is the wrong section, please do what you must do. ^_^ )

I believe fully that a reason kids (from youth to death at any age if you think on the following) are so 'bad' and do such awful things for attention is due to a few main reasons we all can fix. Here are those things: Hug your kids every single day as much as you can and tell them you love them as much as you can. That right there is a vital lesson, one my 17 year old son knows as well.

For a time, I got lost in the world of no job, stress, escaping with games etc. I started to stop telling my son many times a day that I love him and giving him hugs. And he obviously noticed and got super depressed. Of course that about faced immediately upon him telling me and I realized something that he's known forever now.

Kids don't just want acknowlegement or to be told 'you'll be fine in time.' "Everyone goes through this" "you'll find out when you're my age...", "You're just a teen.: Etc. That does not cut it. They need hugged as much as you can, told you love them as much as you can. That RIGHT THERE is the reason why most kids are so acting out and doing bad things. 9 out of 10 kids I talk to tell me they NEVER hear I love you from their parents or get hugs all the time. Usually they get cut down. OR made to feel their issues are just 'something teens go through'. It's NOT. Seriously if your kid is like becoming depressed or acting out or something, stop to see if you're hugging them enough, giving them positive reinforcements. Telling them you love them and it's all gonna be fine. If you were/are the kind to spank or yell when they do wrong, do you follow it with a hug and an "I love you' - or do you just 'now you'll know better' and walk away?


My son came to me last night and told me 'mom, i know you've been stressed about not finding work and this and that - but remember when you used to hold me and hug me all the time and used to tell me I love you before school, after school and during the day and evening? you stopped doing that a little while ago.' That got me right in the soul because I WAS so into my own stress and # that when he'd try to talk to me, I'd say, "Oh you're just a teen." "I went through that too." "When you get older you'll see...' and that's NOT what he needed to hear or needs to hear. He needs hugs. "I love you" "I'm proud of you" "Things will be all right." - even if things may NOT be all right, he still craves to hear the reassurance to keep his positivity up.



My parents didn't say 'I love you' a lot when I was a later teen. Guess they felt I was too old to hear it? Or too old to have hugs? Shrugs. But when I found myself doing that to my son as he pointed out, and .... well, when I said something about his problems like, "Well it's just something all teens go through. You'll see when you get my age blah balh because my parents said the same thing to me and I hated it then but now I'm saying it to you cuz it's true."

He goes, "THAT RIGHT THERE. Your parents didn't hug you etc enough and when you'd go to them with problems or opinions, they brushed it off as 'just teen' 'you'll see when you're my age'. But at the TIME did it make it better? Did you feel listened to?"

"Nope. now that you say that. No, I didn't." I had replied and then realized ..my god. That is a cycle we ALL get in to. Brushing # off as being teens. Or maybe thinking hugs /love you's aren't needed for teens since they are 'so different'. or whatever the case is.

Media et al is one thing. Parents rely on it a lot for baby sitters. Plop the kid in front of the tv while mom does w/e. Or the xbox. Or ps3. Or pc.

Everyone has one common denominator however: everyone NEEDS to be held. Everyone needs to be told they are loved. Worth something. Are amazing. Even if they mess up they're still awesome. That they're wanted. etc. I think taking that from a growing person - even up to the point they pass away at 103 - really tosses a bad curve ball into many levels of development.

Look at a kid who gets yelled at or is never told they're loved a lot or that the parents are proud of them. She grows up with a distant in love family. What's the chance she'll do that to her own future family? Cycles can and have been broken and some people are able to break out of that rutt and give their kids the love and affection and such they need. But I just noticed after talking to a lot of teens that almost 9 out of 10 say they get zero hugs, no loves, nothing. Just yelled at .

Well if you give negative all the time, one or two instances of hugs on xmas or w/e is NOT going to raise an emotionally healthy human. Nothing beats a parent holding you and saying they love you and are proud of you.

I crave that from my own and I'm a parent! There is NO age where that need ceases. Never.

To the teens on here: my heart breaks for those who don't get hugs and loves from their parents. I hope you do. and if you don't, LET THEM KNOW. sometimes we forget as parents -not because we stop loving, but because our own bs seems to dominate our kids and their problems (and we think) "Well he/she can't possibly have the same stress I do. mine is work related. money related, 401k related, medical related. what does my kid have? girls/boys problems? first kiss? homework? tests? ' We forget that kids issues are JUST as important and valid as ours. Definitely. Just as valid and important and 'end of the world'.

To some small degree, homework, bullying, boy/girlfriend, first kiss, pregnancy scares, tests for college, etc ARE their WORLD. Yet the parents are the ones who are to be the center in a way. The constant. The one/ones they can run to and get reassurance, Etc.

Your issues are JUST as valid and as important as the parents' issues. Just as valid. Just talk to them and remind them. You never know what will come from a talk about it. Let them KNOW how that lack of hugs and love hurts. I pray to god they will listen and realize. I hit me hard when I realized I had been not loving my kid like I used to cuz of my own life bs. I forgot he's got his too and it's JUST as valid as my own. We talked for HOURS last night til about 4am, maybe 4.30.

Do what you can. Please. Ask them/her/him to just listen and hold from voicing their opinions til you're done speaking. To extend you the courtesy. Sometimes people don't realize that what they think is enough (i buy food, i this that) is NOT enough.





Think on this, parents and future parents.
Think hard.




posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:00 PM
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Kids are waaaay better than back in the day. Just like my City.

To the crux of your post, everyone needs a hug sometime, especially kids. The problem in todays society is that Parents are not involved as much as they were back in the day. The communication is there but the substance is not. The Parents are to bothered with Cell Phones (get the Kid one so they know what its like), the Facebook (get the Kid one so they know what its like), the New Car (get the Kid one so they know what its like). I think this is the problem. The Parents have no idea on how to actually be a Parent. They also are much to involved with "DRAMA" which also gets transfered to the Kid.

Kids are pretty intuitive and usually see a problem with there Parents before the Parents do.
edit on 23-5-2012 by hoochymama because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:02 PM
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I think kids are sociopaths.



You'll never get me to change my mind.


edit on 23-5-2012 by Manhater because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:04 PM
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That is true. My kid just affirmed as I read him your post that yes, he can tell when something is bothering me even before I voice it.

And yes, all that you said is an issue as well in many many ways. It's also where the xbox, pc etc come in to play. "I have no time for my kids cuz of work and bills so here, entertain yourself with games and the net."

Later: why is my kid so withdrawn and acting out and not communicative with me? I try to talk to them and they brush me off.

Maybe it's because the parent is not listening and the kids DO see that.



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:09 PM
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Love ur Kids and they will Love u back no matter what. Unless there hanging around with "retards" than you have nothing to worry about.

Like I said, there Intuitive, but you have History on your side. Teach them True History and the Xbox, Cell Phones, etc wont even matter to them anymore. I have done this at an early age and I am blessed. Not perfect in any means because I to have a problem with "time spent".



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:10 PM
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Well put. I lacked all that from my father and know how it feels. Eventually I stopped wanting anything from him because I accepted that he just doesn't care, even though I think deep down he does. It's ruined the father-son relationship that so many other people have, and I envy them for it. Simple things like not having anyone to kick a ball about with really hurt me, but it drives me to be the best father I can possibly be when I eventually have kids (hopefully I will). All the things that I missed out on I want to give to my son, I don't know why but thinking about that makes me very happy.



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:14 PM
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reply to post by SpearMint
 


Good. You hold to that and keep holding to it. My son and I hope by me posting this OP that it will 'wake people up' and get those who show their kids love already to do it more (never too much, there is NEVER too much) and those who do NOT show any to start.

Especially those such as yourself who never got it and learned from that just how vital those hugs and "I love you" and "I'm so proud of you' ARE.

Proud of YOU. You know what it's like to not have it and how important having it is. You're going to be an amazing father and will raise amazing kids.


-------

I do have to add to all readers: sometimes one CAN give tons of love, encouragement and guidance and hugs and nuturing and the kid still ends up on the bad path. That is not your fault if you've done the absolute best with them that you can. Sometimes people run to the tune of their own piper.



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:18 PM
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I agree with you. Most kids that act out either have an actual physical absence of a parent or the emotional absence towards them.



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:19 PM
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Saying "I love you" often just to say it doesn't mean much either though. Hugging is probably a better idea, actions speak louder than words as they say.

edit on 5/24/2012 by Turq1 because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:19 PM
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Well one of the BIG differences today is that people are also working a lot more than they had to back in the day. I'm only 24 so maybe I'm wrong but according to just about eery person over 50 that I have spoken to, people are indeed often working much longer hours these days. That's why parents can't spend as much time with their kids anymore. I have two boys, 6 and 2, and my wife and I are currently in college. I spend so much time worrying that when we finish school and get good jobs that there wont be very much family time, it truly saddens me. My parents were never really a part of my life, other than telling me how wrong I am or trying to beat their religion into me. I want to actually be a part of my children's lives but from the looks of things that will be extremely difficult when school is done and job time comes around.



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:24 PM
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reply to post by doomedtoday
 


Yep, that too. It's sad that stay at home moms are shunned nowadays. Go work for a corporation or you're useless to society.



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:24 PM
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reply to post by Turq1
 
I think the Poster was saying that she "thought" that was his/her problem but it actually had a lot to do with Her as a Parent. Great incite that many Parents should realize.

Going out with your Girlfriends or to the Bar isnt "LIFE". Its BS.



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:30 PM
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Good advice. We all need hugs.
However some kids just take a wrong turn in life no matter how much love they received at home.

Actions speak louder than words, so I would say the best thing you can give your child is your time. That is in my opinion what is lacking in today's world, if we want to make comparisons to generations before us.
edit on 23-5-2012 by violet because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:32 PM
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I just want to add that one of the worst things you can do is ignore a child when they come to you with a problem and tell them it's their imagination... like if they don't feel good.

Some parents do terrible things to their children and it's not so hard to see why so many grow up so mixed up in the head and just go around hurting others in various ways... some are so abused, it could be much worse than being somewhat neglected, but when a child in a loving family sees others getting care and attention... but when THEY have a problem "oh, it's just in your mind" or "oh, that's nothing... you're being a hypochondriac"...and you see that same person worrying themselves to death over a similar issue with someone else... it's clear that there is something disliked about THAT child and they will carry that with them always. No matter how many times people say they care, it will just sound like a sugarcoating for others to not blame them... and you might also not want to refer to them as "my demon child"



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:33 PM
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Originally posted by hoochymama
Kids are waaaay better than back in the day. Just like my City.

To the crux of your post, everyone needs a hug sometime, especially kids. The problem in todays society is that Parents are not involved as much as they were back in the day. The communication is there but the substance is not. The Parents are to bothered with Cell Phones (get the Kid one so they know what its like), the Facebook (get the Kid one so they know what its like), the New Car (get the Kid one so they know what its like). I think this is the problem. The Parents have no idea on how to actually be a Parent. They also are much to involved with "DRAMA" which also gets transfered to the Kid.

Kids are pretty intuitive and usually see a problem with there Parents before the Parents do.
edit on 23-5-2012 by hoochymama because: (no reason given)


A majority of parents can not/ will not tell their kids NO....

What are you teaching a kid by giving them every thing? Nothing.....except that they will take things for granted.

Some people feel like they need to "buy" their love or approval....that is wrong also.

A saying I heard once before:
"It's hard to put a leash on a dog once you've put a crown on their head."

Discipline starts at a very young age, not when they are teenagers.....

Also, some don't even teach manners in a public restaurant. Usually the mom lets them do what ever they please while she plays with the damn phone. Just totally ignores the kids while they act like it's romper room.

[Not always the mom, must most of the time it is...]

It's up to the Adults to guide the young kids but if the grown ups fail to discipline as well as teach, well the fault lies on them.

Stop buying the kids every thing that comes out on the market!!!! Geez.....

JUST SAY NO....... your kids will still love you.



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:33 PM
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reply to post by sarra1833
 


You sound like you have a good relationship with your son.

I had a fair one with my parents as well. I've told my own children they are loved as often as I can. [Life is too short not to express it and let it be known. They know I'm proud of them] I expressed it over the years while rearing them not just verbally but by my actions and that also includes teaching them a good work ethic, personal hygiene, self reliance and personal responsibility just to mention a few.

Now I know some will balk at what I've just written but how better to prepare your children as I was taught to take care of themselves then later their own family? Listening during a disagreement goes both ways. More so as they come of age and become young adults. The last thing any parent should do is simply try to crush a child's personal feelings simply because the parent disagree with the child's developing personality and unique point of view.

All you'll end up doing is alienating yourselves from each other with bitterness and resentments. As my children grew into adults. I've gained two close adult friends with unique personalities and talents. Which while they were growing they were given free space to develop on their own on top of what we as parents taught them.

For the record we disagree on many things but this actually makes me happy for although I am apposed to some of their views they will stand their ground and defend their stance vigorously with facts and qualified points.

Makes me a proud Papa...



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:34 PM
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Being a 16 year old myself, i can pretty much agree to this whole topic. I honestly dont know when the last time my parents hugged me and told me they love me. I'm not depressed or have ever been acting out, you kind of get used to not having your parents do those things. But when they do hug or tell me they love me every once in a long while, its actually kind of awkward because its been so long.

On another note, i also do agree on this and the next generation of kids being more rude and disrespectful towards adults. Like i said being a teenager myself, i have first hand experience on this kind of thing. When i hear a punk kid thats my age or even younger disrespect an adult, it upsets me because i just hate their, shall we say "swagger/mindset". The problem is kids acting out to fit in or look cool in front of friends. All in all, you cant blame it on the kids.



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:39 PM
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reply to post by RealSpoke
 


It's not that they are shunned as much as it is that in order to get by both people need a full time job now. Try living on the meager wage of one with an "average" job, it isn't going to work very well, especially not if you want to have things. I mean IF someone is lucky enough to earn over $60,000 a year and are not in debt then their family could get by just fine with one person working but how often do people really make more than say $45,000...

Also people trust others a lot less nowadays, many men wouldn't trust their wives being at home or whatever all day everyday. I honestly can't say that I would blame them either when we consider how many people live by reality television these days, reality tv destroyed feminism by turning many teenage girls into complete morons who have no desire to be real people, yet another of the many truly sad facts of our world.



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:44 PM
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It is an interesting topic to dwell upon -- especially as a father of two young boys; coming from a broken home. You see, I am not ashamed that it is a broken home -- at least not now. It is what it is and we learn to make the best of the situations we are in.

Would I prefer my boys grow up in a nuclear type family? Absolutely, but that isn't the case, and harping and using it as an excuse only prolongs the issues that we, as a "family" are now presented with.

You bring up the question "or are they?", pertaining to "kids today are so bad!", when in reality, there isn't much difference.

My two boys do things that boys have done for ages -- picked their noses, threw rocks into the neighbor's yard, tried to light things on fire, experimented and pushed the language boundary, dared each other to ridiculous tasks, climbed over fences they were not supposed to, stole, punched and said mean things.

It is all about being a child and suppressing those experimentation (within boundaries of course) only peak a child's interest in that manner.

I give my youngest kisses on the check before school and hugs to my oldest. He thinks it is embarrassing otherwise for me to kiss him at his studly age of 10. It is okay because he still gets the "I love you" and the hug that says it.



posted on May, 23 2012 @ 11:48 PM
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reply to post by snarky412
 


I agree with just say no. I wont lie, I often buy my kids books and puzzles and things like that but I don't get all the latest "must have" toys and crap. I buy my oldest son a game every now and again for long periods of good behavior and doing well in school, say 3 - 4 months. But I simply cannot understand buying your kids new toys every week or even more often than that as some parents do seem to do. I believe its good to reward children but don't spoil them, if you do, it'll be hell when those teenage years come around. I do not plan to buy either of my sons a vehicle when they are in high school and certainly not a new one. I would be willing to work something out with them where I meet them half way on a used car and they pay the gas and some of the insurance, if they want a car that bad it isn't going to hurt them to have a part time job, nobody ever bought me a vehicle.



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