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Officials from the cash-strapped state explained that because Introduction To Civics is touched by close to 1.5 million hands during a typical school day, many of its 358 pages—which cover the basic structure of American government as well as the rights and duties of citizens—are so caked in food and beverage stains and blanketed with crude depictions of human genitals that entire chapters have been rendered illegible.
According to sources, a student will often leave the book in his or her locker by accident, thereby preventing 300,000 others from doing their homework that night.
However necessary they may be, plans to replace Introduction To Civics have set off a fierce debate within the Alabama education establishment. Fiscally-minded officials have argued that the state's textbook could easily be repaired, as it has been many times in the past, with a couple bottles of Wite-Out and a roll of Scotch tape