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What is a radical?

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posted on May, 21 2012 @ 01:15 AM
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One who advocates fundamental or revolutionary changes in current practices, conditions, or institutions: radicals seeking to overthrow the social order.
does this seem familiar?

I am not sure about radicalism anymore, I was so caught up in many issues I forgot who i was about, the real me not what they the elites want me to be.
You see during my teen years I was a radical, but I at that time did not see it that way, I just wanted a world with no govt. no policing and no schools. I am not sure where all this came from, maybe the friends i chummed with that time, or they way people and my parents treated me that time and its possible I bottled up so much anger and I took it out on the wrong peoples.
I did not want a govt. because the people around me said so, I did not want police because i thought they violated our rights, I did not want school because i felt we were forced to read,study what they want us to read but not what i wanted to read.
So being young and stupid we seem to avoid the truth and believe in the negative aspect of it.
I spent so much time in my youth hating I could not understand why there was no love.
Sometimes you don't learn these good things until something really bad had to happen in your life.
My father passed away and i was so happy, i mean Happy, why? well he literally beat me when i was a child 3 or 5 times a week when he came home very drunk, no matter how hard i tried to show him care he released hell on me... so I hated him for so many years..when he died i was happy..well now of course I regret it, I never understand that young what addiction was, i did not know he was slowly killing himself smoking and drinking heavily, all i saw was a very mean guy who like to beat his kids, but i could never understand why he beat me.
at this time the child abuse thing was not so big, they thought kids needed a whipping time to time,
I was in much pain in school and they did not care as well, my body was littered with bruises but the gym coaches did not even care, the school nurses did not care, and my Principle did not care I was abused and for the reason being late all the time, it took a major toll on me, at 13 I ran away from home, far away where no one will hurt me again, Well boy I was wrong, here i am living on the streets full of bullies,crooks and troublemakers and drug addicts.
I hang with them all because they gave me something that my family, my school did not give me love,care and respect. Unfortunately I went even deeper to hell than before, I am now using,abusing,stealing and so on just like the rest of the group I was with, but I felt at home with them.. Here is where I learned laws and Police are our enemies, why? Because it was right for us to steal because we were hungry, it was right for us to steal because we were poor and homeless and have no money to buy it, We had the right to do drugs, sell it and grow it, it was right for us to hate the police because they try to stop us from doing these things, how can they control us? we are the good and they are bad.. I laugh at this now of course because I know everything I believed back than I don't believe now.
So, I really think Radicalism starts at a really young age, it comes from those who you loved,hated and admired that was around you, you see it on television,hear it on the radio, read it in the papers, you learn it in schools and yet you become one and now its all wrong? but who is at fault? I know we are the creator of our own problems, but are we responsible for all the information that is given to us? I had a teacher who at that time was 25 years old and he passed me a book called Anarchist Cook book. I had no idea what was in my hands, totally clueless, but it seemed most of my street friends loved the book and knew all about it. at this time we were following famous activists like Bob Dylan, Janis Joplin, Karen Carpenter, and many more types of music, it was full of hate the Govt. hate the law, rebel, rebel, rebel, yeah this book was very dangerous and it put too much information in my mind, after awhile I started to get a few more books from this teacher like Charles Manson stuff, Ruby Ridge what the evil police do to them, The Antichrist, and A mad mans medicine book, it was all about making drugs that can poison the ones you hate and get away with it... During this time I was picked up for shoplifting, I stole two snickers bar and some mints a value $1.80. but as i left to jail, the next day i came back again and stole 3 bottles of beer called Magnum, this was the choice beer for us homeless ones, or Irish Rose wine. I got caught as I left the door, i went to a children's home by court order and a week later I ran away and was arrested again for entering the shop i was banned to go into. it was during this time I had been sentenced for six months in Jail. I changed my whole life because now i am off the street and going to be with many scary folks. I guess I watched too much T.V. Truthfully it was the best thing that could of ever happened to me, being away and off the street from all those I hanged with which kept me away from drugs,drinking,stealing and fighting. I had time to think, recite and feel remorse about, I hurt many peoples feelings, I did not care because I was part of those who really did not care.
Well being locked up made me ask myself How does it feel to see cement walls everyday, how did it feel when i was free to walk, breath and social on the outside, I had my little cell with a view, and it was good i had it because it had a view of the nature, woods. I started to think about all my times in my life camping and hiking and fishing, well for sure I will only be camping on a hard metal bed, hiking the halls, and only fishing for ideas.
It was very had to be locked up, I missed the outside so much, I missed those who hurt me, my parents.
after 3 weeks I was tired of blaming and took responsible for all my actions, Yes I was tired of being tired, i must of cried the past few weeks over nothing, i hated being here i hated the law. But why? it was that bottled up and lack of positive education that taught me if we allow those to hurt us we will always suffer.
But frankly I was suffering since a child, and I suffered being homeless, I suffered being rejected and most of all I suffered because I rejected myself.
I met many shady characters in jail who are going away for many many years and most are old men, than you have the cocky young punks who enjoyed being in and made gangs and clubs inside which meant trouble for me.
I chose to hang with the old folks and for sure it was a good choice, they taught me so much, they shared with me their similar stories and mistakes and were regretful about them, and they accepted their fates because they knew they deserve what they got, so I suppose its better to move ahead than to fall behind and keep making mistakes, so the next thing i knew i was in many forms of self-help meetings, in the library and schooling.
Funny thing I joined every help group they provided including Gospel Chorus class. so 2 months has passed and here I am now doing good for myself, I got a job mopping floors which kept me most the time away from the trouble makers. I learned much being in jail and i was glad to be there otherwise who knows where i be if not, I never regretted my mistakes but i do regret hurting those people in it, I am no longer believing a radical way of life, Radicalism only brings pain and grief. Thanks.




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