posted on May, 17 2012 @ 01:04 PM
I wanted to start this thread to highlight the intolerable levels of injustice posed by the UK Court system against fathers wanting to be with their
children after separation's or breakdown's of relationships.
I am coming from a personal perspective and want to share my story with you. I want to show how difficult it has been for me and how hard it is for so
many fathers in the UK wanting contact with their child or children.
I have a 3 year old son and in the last 2 and a half years i have been given permission by the Judicial system to see him for 8hrs..
So since my son was roughly 6 months old i have seen him 4 times in 2 hour sessions.
I have missed his first steps and his first words. I have missed being an integral part of his early years.
Now i wouldn't blame you for wondering if i was directly responsible for bringing about this situation. Trust me when i tell you my own family and
close friends have almost faultlessly led with questions as to why my son's mother is preventing me seeing my son. I know in the back of their minds
they have already prejudged my situation and that they wonder if i was abusive or violent towards her or if i was a threat to my son. So please don't
feel bad if you too have the same questions in your head.
What i will tell you is that i was with my son's mother for two years.. we were not married but we did live together for a while. It was two weeks
after i decided that i wanted to break things off with her that she told me she was pregnant. So i did not flee the situation because of insecurities
around being a responsible parent.
But this isn't really about the background of my situation it is more to do with the challenges that fathers face after the breakdown of their
marriages and relationships.
So.. for whatever reason when a mother in the UK decides to thwart contact between her child/children and their father, the father has to apply to the
courts for contact, in order to obtain something called a "contact order".
This contact order allows the father to have contact with their child and it is something which is written and stamped into law by the judge and the
family courts in the UK.
So here is what i have had to go through in order to establish a relationship with my son.
I have had two drugs tests which came back clean, a psychiatric evaluation which came back clean, two Dr's reports which came back clean, a police
check on my father which came back clean, I have had to have an interview with CAFCASS the courts internal social services, complete a one day
separated parenting course, provide evidence that i was a qualified child carer because this was disputed by my sons mother even though she knew i was
qualified and so on..
My son's mother also claimed that i raped her, she yelled it just outside the court room in front of a room filled with people whilst i was sat
inside a room just beside her with my barrister and her secretary, she also claimed i was abusive and violent towards her and that i had intentions of
kidnapping my son.
Now everything she raised became an issue and one that the Family courts pursued with vigor and enthusiasm. What was concerning to me is that things
that i raised about her mental well being, messages i received from her then boyfriend about my son nearly having his leg bitten off by the family
dog, the fact that she openly took drugs during our two year relationship and how she just up and left and took my son with her when he was 6 months
old without talking to me about it, leaving no forwarding address or contact number was perceived by the courts as me only trying to inflame the
Now i am not an instigator, nor am i filled with bad intentions, vengeance, resentment or evil thoughts.. i am in fact a practicing Buddhist and have
always led a spiritual life being conscious of my words and actions on those around me. Always wanting the best for people and always leading through
The sad thing in all this is that for the past 2 and a half years i have been fighting in the courts to be a father to my son and i have had to jump
through hope after hope proving my innocence and that i am not a threat to my son.
The 8hrs i had with my son were monitored by a CAFCASS Supervisor in a contact center. The 4 reports came back with no issues and reflected the tender
bond between a father and his son.
On two occasions contact was thwarted by my son's mother and for periods of months and weeks and no action was taken against her.
To say the Family courts in the UK are biased in a profound understatement. To subject a loving father to such an inhumane, humiliating ordeal simply
because a hateful mother throws around accusations and insinuations is unjust at the very least and destructive at worst.. not only to the father but
also his child/children.
Recently we had the London Riots and many fathers were blamed for not being their for their children and that most of the rioters were kids from
broken homes. When you have organizations like Fathers for Justice and Family's need fathers fighting for fathers rights only to be shut down by
politicians and government on the bases that their protests are harmful is outrageous. Fathers have locked themselves to the gate outside of
Buckingham Palace, they have dressed up as superheroes and scaled buildings to make their point and instead of our government looking on them
compassionately and realizing that this is all we have left to fight with, they ostracize and belittle these campaigns and movements and spin them to
reflect irresponsible parenting.
You see the fact of the matter is that the courts, solicitors, judges, CAFCASS and everyone else involved in this clandestine system create the divide
in families.. it's how they get paid. Of course they don't want to change the law to make it easier for fathers to be with their kids.. the longer
they can drag out a court case the more money they bleed from the life blood and suffering of wanting fathers.
I have had to wait for over two years to spend eight hours with my son.. and my case is still on-going. My son's mother still gets away without any
consequences even though she misses contact sessions, makes her self unavailable, cancels contact at the last minute, turns everything into an issue
and consistently alienates me from my son.
There is a syndrome which is recognized in the world of psychology but will not be accepted by the Family courts. It is called parental alienation and
it is a form of child abuse. When a child is repeatedly programed and brainwashed to see their loving fathers as monsters. The damage is mostly
irreversible, breeding young kids with insecurities and confusion.
My only position is to remain patient, to never bad mind or bad mouth my son's mother in front of him, to never show him he is not always loved.
What is expected from me from the Family courts is to put up and shut up and to pay ridiculous sums of money to a system which is responsible for
directly damaging families.
This is my story and i wanted to share it with you all in the light that it would give you a perspective on a topic which is seldom brought to light.
I hope for the sake of the family unit and for children in need that this system undergoes radical changes. And i hope that through me, your
perceptions change and that in some way your thoughts and future actions contribute to a positive change in Family Law.
Love and blessings