Getting over a 2 year relationship with someone I still love.

My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years and 5 days. After he dropped out of high school a month ago, he has been off. He has always had a thing where he occasionally mistreated me (he refused to understand how my OCD anxiety hurts me and makes me react.) We had broken up twice before both because he had pushed me away out of stress. Now I don't want to get back together but I also do. I miss him so much. It hurts so bad. Our relationship ended over text and very abruptly. He just started really treating me like crap 2 days ago and he refused to understand I couldn't calm down last night due to my parents' (fairly recent) divorce.

I'm a junior in high school and just turned 17 on the 12th. I just got my car and was getting my grades up. But now none of it matters. He dumped me less than 2 hours ago over text and it's haunting me. Everything I do makes me think of him and it makes me sick and then I cry. Everything hurts. I can't eat, I can't talk, and my nose burns. I'm a wreck. I even skipped school today so I could try to work things out with him but it obviously ended in this.

He was the first thing that entered my life that I would kill for, die for, or do anything for. All of my friends are trying to help me, but nothing is working. I just keep thinking of how it felt to be held by my boyfriend. I feel so abandoned by my parents and my boyfriend. I feel so unlovable and I feel like it was my fault he turned against me. I gave him everything and expected just to be loved in return. He has been there for everything. Aside from his occasional inability to show emotion and bottle things up, he was perfect.

Please, nobody insult him or me. Please, nobody tell me I'm young and this doesn't matter. I just want comforting and someone to give me advice on how to recover faster. I miss and love him so much. Every corner has a memory to it. I want to be happy now. I want to be over it now.

Consider this. Billions of people on this earth billions of possibilities. He is one experience of many potential experiences. Many experiences tell us what we do and no longer want in our life.
To get over him go on some dates. Kiss a few people make some new mistakes.

Start living a life defined by you not by what he does, and when you get back to that place where you know your true self and are no longer dependent on the value others give for energy you will be free to create any reality and future you desire.
It may suck like hell right now, Believe me I know but your future and potential are unimaginable from where you are right now they are limitless.

All you need to start with is giving yourself permission to start living and getting those experiences again. One person cannot possibly define the infinite nature and potential we all possess.
Remember there's another magical first kiss out of billions of possibilities coming your way you just have to have eyes and heart open to see when its coming.

Sorry about your situation.
You should occupy yourself or surround yourself with friends.
Whatever you do, don't seclude yourself because it gives you the chance to think about it.
Time heals all wounds.

Please, nobody insult him or me. Please, nobody tell me I'm young and this doesn't matter. I just want comforting and someone to give me advice on how to recover faster. I miss and love him so much. Every corner has a memory to it. I want to be happy now. I want to be over it now.

Ok, its all his fault...obviously.
He will come back to you tomorrow, and you will live happily ever after.
You are old enough and wise enough to know everything at 17.
You will never have a bad relationship again.

Does that make you feel better? The truth hurts, so im glad i lied

Caring is the source of the pain and discomfort.

Caring is something you can control.

You can control the pain pain and discomfort.

Originally posted by Avalessa
he occasionally mistreated me
he refused to understand
started really treating me like crap
he refused to understand
inability to show emotion

I think you could guess what I would say about that guy.

Originally posted by AmberLeaf

Please, nobody insult him or me. Please, nobody tell me I'm young and this doesn't matter. I just want comforting and someone to give me advice on how to recover faster. I miss and love him so much. Every corner has a memory to it. I want to be happy now. I want to be over it now.

Ok, its all his fault...obviously.
He will come back to you tomorrow, and you will live happily ever after.
You are old enough and wise enough to know everything at 17.
You will never have a bad relationship again.

Does that make you feel better? The truth hurts, so im glad i lied

Geez, you could have just not replied.
Would've been nicer.

reply to post by Avalessa


Dear Avalessa,

I'm a junior in high school and just turned 17 on the 12th. I just got my car and was getting my grades up. But now none of it matters. He dumped me less than 2 hours ago over text and it's haunting me. Everything I do makes me think of him and it makes me sick and then I cry. Everything hurts. I can't eat, I can't talk, and my nose burns. I'm a wreck. I even skipped school today so I could try to work things out with him but it obviously ended in this.

I am sorry that things did not work out the way that you had hoped. The truth is that very few people end up with their High School sweetheart. Heck, I had my wife of 25 years leave me for a "family friend" (I always joke and say that I think he was more of a friend to her than our family). It gets better and it gets easier. The best you can do is learn how to overcome your pain and still believe in love. The worst thing you can do is to get with someone else too soon, those don't work out to well. Take your time and finish school and figure out what you want to do with your life. Best wishes.

Originally posted by AmberLeaf

Please, nobody insult him or me. Please, nobody tell me I'm young and this doesn't matter. I just want comforting and someone to give me advice on how to recover faster. I miss and love him so much. Every corner has a memory to it. I want to be happy now. I want to be over it now.

Ok, its all his fault...obviously.
He will come back to you tomorrow, and you will live happily ever after.
You are old enough and wise enough to know everything at 17.
You will never have a bad relationship again.

Does that make you feel better? The truth hurts, so im glad i lied

I only wanted advice and I only asked this of people so I didn't get a lecture or be insulted by scum like you. Clearly I'm dying on the inside right now.

I'll be eighteen in a few weeks, so I understand how you feel as I have been there many times myself. I know how it hurts and how it feels like nothing matters, it's a pain that can and will eat at the inside of you until the point where you begin to physically feel the pain. It hurts, and there is no doubt about that. I personally believe that there is no physical pain worse than heartbreak; honestly.

But look, you are only a Junior in High School. You just turned seventeen, you are so young and have your entire life to live. A few years back, I had my heart broken and I could not deal with it, and I tried to kill myself. I should have died, but I didn't; and I am so grateful for that. I know how you feel, you're not alone. But don't let it consume you, a lot of beautiful things are born out of pain and anguish.

Five years from now, do you think any of what is going on right now in your life right now will still matter? It is almost the end of the school year, summer is coming up, embrace that and go have a good time. Go outside tonight and look up at the sky and look at the stars, seperate your mind from this world. Life gets tough, and it only gets tougher. But like I said, you're only in high school. There is so, so much more to life than just relationships and high school friends. And believe me, because I have been in your position time and time again, but no matter what I have always come out of it okay and a better person.

The only reason I'm telling you all of this is because I know Above Top Secret isn't the ideal place to get advice for relationships, and I can tell that you are true in everything you said. Take it to heart, or shoot it full of holes; it doesn't matter to me, but I'm telling you all of this from my personal perspective, my own experiences. Don't let it get the best of you, you are a lot stronger than you think. I remember two quotes my wrestling coach told me that I will always remember: "The man who says he can't, and the man who says he can; are both correct." and "I do not ever want to see myself having more confidence in you, than you have in yourself." If you ever need to talk, just PM me. I have no problem trying to help.

Originally posted by RomeByFire
I'll be eighteen in a few weeks, so I understand how you feel as I have been there many times myself. I know how it hurts and how it feels like nothing matters, it's a pain that can and will eat at the inside of you until the point where you begin to physically feel the pain. It hurts, and there is no doubt about that. I personally believe that there is no physical pain worse than heartbreak; honestly.

But look, you are only a Junior in High School. You just turned seventeen, you are so young and have your entire life to live. A few years back, I had my heart broken and I could not deal with it, and I tried to kill myself. I should have died, but I didn't; and I am so grateful for that. I know how you feel, you're not alone. But don't let it consume you, a lot of beautiful things are born out of pain and anguish.

Five years from now, do you think any of what is going on right now in your life right now will still matter? It is almost the end of the school year, summer is coming up, embrace that and go have a good time. Go outside tonight and look up at the sky and look at the stars, seperate your mind from this world. Life gets tough, and it only gets tougher. But like I said, you're only in high school. There is so, so much more to life than just relationships and high school friends. And believe me, because I have been in your position time and time again, but no matter what I have always come out of it okay and a better person.

The only reason I'm telling you all of this is because I know Above Top Secret isn't the ideal place to get advice for relationships, and I can tell that you are true in everything you said. Take it to heart, or shoot it full of holes; it doesn't matter to me, but I'm telling you all of this from my personal perspective, my own experiences. Don't let it get the best of you, you are a lot stronger than you think. I remember two quotes my wrestling coach told me that I will always remember: "The man who says he can't, and the man who says he can; are both correct." and "I do not ever want to see myself having more confidence in you, than you have in yourself." If you ever need to talk, just PM me. I have no problem trying to help.

The stars make it hurt more. We used to watch them together.

I'm sorry *hug*

The only real advice I can give you is that things get easier with time.

I prefer the term easier over 'getting over it' because a good relationship, a first love, is not something you simply want to dismiss and forget about it like it never happened. No, its like Christmas as a 7 year old, a warm feeling you remember fondly and think back on occasionally. I say easier because, with time, you grow and learn more about yourself, the relationship you have with yourself and with others, and as you grow, you gain perspective and what seems so huge now finds a comfortable place to fit in your heart.

Good luck, and hang in there

reply to post by PhoenixDown


Thank you. "Hang in there." that's what I needed to hear,

Believe me, you will find love again. For now, take one day at a time, surround yourself with friends and family. Be yourself and try to do the things you love to do. HUGS!

reply to post by PhoenixDown


That was most excellent! I have been divorced from my wife for almost 18 years now. She was my first true love. You will probably never "get over it". Every relationship I have had since then, I compare to my time with her. Some are better, some are worse (probably cause I make them worsen since they don't live up to her (my) standards).

But, that being said, you WILL, find a replacement??? Lack of a better word there...not a replacement, but something new and different!

reply to post by Avalessa


Honestly, get a new hobby. Right now.

There is something you are interested in or would like to do, what is it? Start looking up some basics online. Maybe you want to learn complicated braids for your hair. Maybe become a master of eye makeup. Maybe you want to be a drummer, a dancer, or a martial artist.

You are going to need something to occupy yourself to take up the time this relationship used to take up so you don't dwell on this loss. So pick a new hobby (which is usually a new skill set) and improve yourself while occupying your mind and healing.



Best of luck to you.

I'll follow your requested guidelines and skip all criticism and critique. Instead, I'll stick to relevant support.

Time can heal. You (nor any of us) have the foresight to know what life will bring. For now, be strong and weather the emotional storm. Think about all the things in life that are wonderful, amazing, and beautiful.

Put yourself outside the door, be an objective observer for a day or a week and change your perspective. Allow your experience as a human being to reveal to you something greater than your situation. If possible, reach out to someone else and deny the urge to self-absorb --- changing your perspective and focusing on others can be the most rewarding thing life has to offer.

When human emotions absorb your every waking moment, sometimes the only sane way to ride it through is to step outside yourself, rise above the particular situation you are in, and seek a more macroscopic view.

I wish you clarity.

reply to post by InTheFlesh1980


I want the denial phase over so I can finally start again.mthe way he behaved the last month is what's killing me and making me feel like a waste of life since he was the only thing that mattered to me for the longest time,

reply to post by Avalessa

Please, nobody tell me I'm young and this doesn't matter. I just want comforting and someone to give me advice on how to recover faster. I miss and love him so much. Every corner has a memory to it. I want to be happy now. I want to be over it now.

Too bad.

You're young, and it doesn't matter.

Seriously. Years from now, you're going to look back at this time in your life, and go, man, was I an idiot! Take it from those of us who've been there and done the same thing. Our first serious romances all went the same way, and man, we just thought that when it was over, well, that's it. We get locked into thinking this is the one, it's destiny, and my relationship is so different than everyone else's first love. Ours is written in the stars! Well, I'm here to tell you that it's horse crap. Sorry to be so blunt, but someone has to say it.

Far from destiny. It's a learning experience. You're really too new to these emotions to have ANY idea what it really means to be in a serious relationship. And that is FINE. You aren't expected to. In the coming years, you'll learn who YOU really are, and what YOU really want, and THEN is the time to worry about finding the one. (and you'll likely kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince)...

You were starting to focus on things that matter (school, work, etc.), I'd hope you continue to do so. This guy hardly sounds worth it. A High School dropout? Yeah, what a bright future that would have been. Count yourself lucky YOU ditched this loser....

Just have to deal with it and move forward. It takes time to mend emotional wounds, a lot of time.

Good luck