Distractions

From the start, I've had to see it through alone. Despite the occasional distractions, the few times that were actually good, life's regrets and it's losses and it's pain, the abject horror of the things I have witnessed that you people would not believe are finally getting to me.

There was one moment in time long ago now that I actually felt safe, connected, like no matter what, one singular moment where I was home and the terror of being alone no longer held sway on me. For reasons I don't understand, for memories now forgotten, I had to leave, forced out by circumstances and details that are lost like teardrops in the rain. I never could manage my way back.

I read a short story once about someone's mistimings of fortune throughout incarnations being a cause of their personal sense of failure. The final failure being of arriving in a planetary system on the shoulder of Orion with orders to assist the evacuation of the population just as the star collapsed and exploded.

Once, not too long ago, after a little over a quarter century of loneliness' despair rolling off my back like leaves down a chute, a mere fortnight before arriving, death's scythe fell and with it, the ability to go home. For the first time in two score years, being alone terrifies me. I am alone. When does time ever forgive?

One more failed incarnation as the ambient light goes from a deep ambient red to a super luminary pinpoint white that brings a glow to the nighttime skies of planets in systems six hundred light years away.

Betelguese goes supernova.

reply to post by Overstuffed

one singular moment where I was home and the terror of being alone no longer held sway on
nice story...I wanted to read on