Trailing memories that wont let you go

You know those moments when you finally arrive at a stage where you say "Aha! I can finally move forward!" you feel happy, you go about your day boosting your confidence. You even say " I will beat life!" then something pops up, as if fate was teasing you, and has you see something that reminds you of that one person you cared deeply about but yet got you hurt so bad?

You try and push it out of your mind, continue about your way, but yet another thing appears, could be a name, could be something you talked about with that person, could be a song, or a movie recommended. It's like, you want to forget, but it follows you.

has anyone had this happen before?

Maybe the subconscious is trying to manifest the memories, and keep it alive? Or is it that my heart just deeply misses the person?


Mourning a loss sucks, but it got me curious about this phenomenon and why it tends to manifest when you least expect it.

Memories sure are powerful...especially if they are about someone you still Love....sometimes if certain memories are triggered for whatever reason, I can go from breaking into hysterical laughter to weeping uncontrollably, depending on the memory. In those moments the "feelings" are as real as they where at the time the actual experiences happened.....

reply to post by MountainLaurel


Your name "Laurel" makes my post ironic. Sigh. Even in this post im reminded of her.
Aye i think im losing it.

It really sucks though.

reply to post by RisenAngel77


I'm sorry your hurting....mending a brokenheart myself, and it does suck...big time....

My longtime cat companion died 6am 4-21 and I watched his death. (Which I regrett.) (Kidneys.) A couple hours ago, I found and pulled one of his long grey hairs off of a shirt I was handling. Been grieving with fresh loss. I think I will never get past this, below the surface.

reply to post by Saucerwench


Awwww that is soo sad...sorry for your loss.....hopefully your kitty was comforted by your presence when he passed, but that's a brutal image your going to have to live with....maybe when your ready you will give your heart to another kitty...pleny out there that need homes...God Bless

reply to post by RisenAngel77

you see something that reminds you of that one person you cared deeply about but yet got you hurt so bad?

Painful memories bely buried trauma that still needs to be resolved. Its okay to observe these memories that trigger feelings. Don't fight them, and don't dwell on them. Just observe. That is your best medicine. Over time they will fade as long as you don't run from them. Sorry about your loss. Broken relationships can be the toughest to work thru.

It is better to have loved and lost.Than to have never have loved at all.

reply to post by MountainLaurel


Thank you, I appreciate that. I think gone relationships are like death. A gone life. I became smitten (understatement of the millenium) with someone (unavailable) and I was unavailable at that time with concerns which I was not acknowledging. This was early 1990's. I -still- harbor powerfull emotions when anything comes up to this very day, which puts him at my mind's forefront. The only comfort I take is, after I learned all about Sociopathy, and this dude fit all the symptoms! I read on the net somewhere recently, that those conscienceless ones have a "supernatural" (seemingly) attractivity. Weird.

Originally posted by Saucerwench
My longtime cat companion died 6am 4-21 and I watched his death. (Which I regrett.) (Kidneys.) A couple hours ago, I found and pulled one of his long grey hairs off of a shirt I was handling. Been grieving with fresh loss. I think I will never get past this, below the surface.

I lost my cat a little over two years ago to kidney failure also, seeing his change in behavior those last few weeks was tough so I know what you're going thru. As cliche as it sounds, and this goes for the op as well time really does heal all wounds. Hang in there guys things will get better.

reply to post by Saucerwench


Yeah, I hear what your saying, I have done some research also trying to figure out why our relationship was so dysfunctional and convince myself we are better off apart....but still miss him very much....and memories of him are very powerful.

The mind does not forget anything, we are the ones forgetting the ability to recall events, memories and such.
We might purposely try to forget something not because we want to but because we have to move on but unfortunately there's one more thing we often overlook. And that is the heart, when we love someone so deeply, it is embedded deep in the heart and no matter how much we try to to forget we will always be reminded of the amazing good times we had with that person.

The trick is NOT how to forget but how to COPE with those memories, perhaps you could say that, that other person is thinking of you and as a result something gets triggered around you at the time their thoughts are projected onto you but all you can do is look back, see how good it was and then brush it off your shoulders and carry on as you have done prior to that memory.

Trust me, it happens to me quite often but you'll learn to smile at it and carry on with your life.

Peace & Love

This thread reminded me of my ex girlfriend and two cats that I lost. OP's thread is full of irony because it reminds everybody of what they lost. I've already been having suicidal thoughts this past week lol. I should stay away from threads like this.

But yeah I do know what you mean. I try so hard to move on and leave things behind but I face at least three reminders of past pain every day. It's like there's something out there intent on rubbing sh*t in my face.

Trailing memories are not holding you, you are holding trailing memories. You are an empty space with flashing thoughts see them and let them pass.
youtu.be...

reply to post by RisenAngel77


It has happened to me as well.I started thinking of the timing that it happens:
When i'm happy and ready to go into "new adventures".
I was thinking about it a lot and what i have concluded is that we recall,unconciously bad memories,because we are afraid of change.We might seek change in our concious life,but deep down inside we are afraid that change will bring the unknown and possibilities that we are not ready to face.This doesn't have to be true,it's just a fear that most humans have.

In short it's not fate that is making us fall back to the confort of what we know,it's ourselves that is preventing us from moving forward.

Yeah every year on my bday i think about my grandparents. My grandpa died on my 28th(2008) bday and my grandma(his wife) died on my 29th(2009) bday. so yeah my bdays are pretty hard every year.

reply to post by RisenAngel77


It's love and the after effects/fading guilt on letting memories go. (kind of a bad analogy, it's not so much letting go as accepting and feeling guilt for accepting)
Sometimes we beat ourselves up at the thought of letting go, even deep down inside on a subconscious level we fight the loss and separation, and it comes forward in these ways.

IMO.

reply to post by RisenAngel77


I get this a lot if im not keeping myself busy or not doing something i enjoy. It all started a few years ago, i was in a relationship and it kind of just, ended? we had a 'little' fight and next thing i know shes moved. The point is we really didnt get to know everything about eachother. But i still feel like i lost a part of me, because she was a great friend for a while before that, but also because I have never met anyone like her. Such an outgoing and joyful personality. I loved being around her every minute.

Couple years passed of no conversation. Then i decided i would try to get in touch. I found out she still felt like there was something there to start again/fix. As did i. Yet i still couldnt get my head around the fact she didnt even make and effort to get ahold of me, over the couple years we didnt talk. She even said she thinks im a great guy and that i was always nice to her. So i dont get why it turned out the way it did...life goes on

As for the memories, i cant escape them. The only way would be to stop living.
I feel the memories are holding me back, holding me back from the things i care for, and the things i would like to do. To bad there wasnt an 'Erase' button on some files in your brain, i wouldve been so much happier the past 5 years.

Owell... life goes on.

reply to post by Xaphan


Oh Gosh, i hope those "sucidial" feelings where fleeting...seems this has been a hell of rough time for Op and many sharing in this thread. I haven't thought about suicide outright, but this past week I have barely been able to eat, and I have never had an eating disorder or wieght issues, so not sure why my body is re-acting this way, lol, the dogs like it cause whatever I have prepared to eat I take a few bites and give them the rest.

The break-up is already painful enough, but for myself, what is really "eating" at me so to speak is that the last words we spoke to each other were angry and hurtful, and it just feels so unresolved for me. What if one of us died? Does he know I will always Love him even if I had to stand my ground on matters I just couldn't live with?

The way he seems to need or want to deal with this is "no contact" or further discussion between us, and so far I have not tried to contact him, after 10 yrs of "craziness" we both know, "enough is enough"...but damm, it's brutal........lol, he was my "crazy bastard" and I guess I was his "crazy bitch"...when we were happy, we were Happy, we were really happy, but when it was bad, it was a "nightmare", and as dysfuntional as it gets.

He's the one that turned me on to ATS, and taught me so many other cool things, he also taught me some really "bad" things too....anyways, thanks for listening to my morning "melt down" I have to get my self together and get to work soon. Hope everyone has a a better day today, then yesterday....♥

If you are burying the memories, they will always come back up. Memories are perennial - they will always find a way to reach for the sunlight.

The trick is to let them.

By this, I mean that you recognize those memories and the associated pain, but you use it as strength. You keep it with you and you take the time to understand the source of that pain, and take the time to understand that while it is painful to remember the "good times", they were Good Times. Think of them as Good Memories that still make you smile, that still make you laugh, that still make you Love.

Rejoice, for your love follows you through life, and nothing can make it go away.

Is that not what we all want?