Met my daughter after 24 years apart........

i know what you mean Kangaruex4Ewe, but it was affecting my health and sanity also my relationship with my wife was getting strained because of it all.
she has my address plus email address and cell phone number so will wait and see what happens.
i do miss her more than anything but unfortunately you dont know all the details and i wont go into it here,
i appreciate all you said and i thank you for all the nice things you said.

Originally posted by scotsdavy1
I wrote back and said if you really mean it and can call me dad starting from that day then i would be happiest guy on the planer.
If not, then i dont want her to come here ata ll. she replied so be it she cant come then.

Last night she didnt see what the fuss was all about but i said why celebrate fathers day when im not you father in your eyes but the dead foster guy is and not me.

Woah.. 'Dad' is a word. Thats all. If she wanted to call you Princess Consuela Banana Hammock it shouldnt matter as long as you have a good relationship.
In your previous posts it sounded like you had slotted into a perfect father/daughter relationship. Much like how people in relationships go through a honeymoon period of thinking everything perfect, when the reality is much different.

You cannot refer to the only other father figure in her life as 'the dead foster guy'. Thats awful. I realise you feel that as the biological father, you should be recognised as the only one, but sharing a few genes does not compare to years of someone else taking over the role as the dad. You should be grateful to him for bringing your kids up well.

i cut her iphone off that i bought her and sim card and told her to forget i existed

Why did you buy her an iphone? I know presents seem like something a father should do, but are you sure you're not on some level trying to compensate for the lost years, even if you weren't squarely to blame for the lack of contact?

As others have said, you pushed too much, too soon. Aside from all that Ive mentioned above, you also cant expect to be the perfect father yourself when in reality you have had very little time of experiencing what it is really like.
I think the best you can hope for now is trying to arrange some family counselling with her if thats at all possible. Situations as complex as this can really benefit from people who are trained to deal with these types of relationships.

Originally posted by scotsdavy1


My daughter,s head was filled with things like your father walked out on us etc, but she now knows the truth as many people have even told her from her mother,s side of the family and her mum has admitted it now.

My dad left us when I was 6. We saw him a couple times - - but he made no real effort to be in our lives. We did not get along with his wife.

My mom tried not to say anything bad about him.

I did not see him for 32 years. After his wife died he looked for us.

My daughters arranged a family get together - - including my 2 brothers.

He was a very gentle sweet - but weak man - who married an older woman that treated him almost like a child.

He was very humble with many regrets - - - even way back when he was first with my mother and how he treated her family.

I say ALWAYS make the effort to keep the door open. Bitterness can eat you up.

Originally posted by scotsdavy1

Yesterday after trying for exactly 2 months in that she would call me dad in a text or email or even a card via email saying dad on it, but s till not saying it to my face.

I wrote back and said if you really mean it and can call me dad starting from that day then i would be happiest guy on the planer.

If not, then i dont want her to come here at all.

Why would you do that?

That is so wrong.

reply to post by scotsdavy1


I don't know enough about your situation. But, I can understand your daughter not wanting to call you dad. If she has spent most of her life knowing someone else as dad, even though he was not her biological dad. I can't imagine the pain it must cause you, but I think you should not force the issue. You have her back in your life now and in time maybe she will call you dad, maybe she feels you still have some making up to do before she can call you Dad?

Just my 2 p's worth

she turned into a clone of her mother constantly swearing and expecting everything on a plate. her mother has now started to call me names on facebook so no change there then. i will not rise to the bait though. she put the final nail in the coffin though.

Originally posted by scotsdavy1
she turned into a clone of her mother constantly swearing and expecting everything on a plate. her mother has now started to call me names on facebook so no change there then. i will not rise to the bait though. she put the final nail in the coffin though.

Who's the child?

You have a whole life separate from these people - - - and now you're CHOOSING to buy into the drama?

Back off.

my life, my decision. life is a bitch then you wake up.
i tried end of..

This is a nice story and all but how did your wife find her on FB when your daughter was 16 and now she is 28? FB wasn't around then.

Just pointing that out and wondering why there is such a gap in years with FB.


I'm glad you reconnected with her. I haven't seen my dad since I was 5 and I'm 33. He still lives in the same state and city I was born in. I did get in contact with him in 2003/2004 but he didn't seem like he wanted much of a relationship. We did talk a few times and that was it. I have since tried to find his number again but it's not listed and that has always made me wonder. I haven't had a dad my entire life and I don't feel like I"m missing out. I could see him or not. It wouldn't bother me in the least bit.

Originally posted by scotsdavy1
my life, my decision. life is a bitch then you wake up.
i tried end of..

Dude you wanted too much too soon..

I wish I had the opportunity you had.. I pray for it all the time.. If it happened I expect anger, not calling me dad, but I also expect that it takes time to heal hurts whatever they are..

I think you are one ungrateful SOB... I would kill to be in your shoes.. Instead of manning up and being her dad you let her down with childishness.. Pfffft..

Baby steps.. Baby steps... One day she may have called you dad.. Now you will never know hey??

you do not know the full story, i had to miss a lot out

reply to post by mblahnikluver

found her on fb when she was 28. saw her by accident in town where she lives at 16
her mother remarried twice and she changed her surname twice
she has 3 brothers by 3 different dads, one commited suicide because of no access and two of us have no access at all.