Funny Things Your Kids (or others) Say. Let's Hear 'Em.

As many know, I have two wonderful daughters, who are ten and six. Watching them grow and learn new things has always been a high point of my life.

Sometimes some of the things they come out with just crack me up though. This evening I was out for dinner with family and friends at a local pub. My mother had ordered cottage pie for dinner. During the course of eating, my youngest daughter wanted to know what her Nanna was eating. The conversation went as such;

My mum; "This is a cottage pie. It's meat with peas and vegies with mash potatoes on top. Do you know why it is called cottage pie?"

My daughter; "because it is made in a cottage. That's why." This is only one of many things she comes out with.

Another was my eldest a few years ago. We had just gotten in the door from being out, and three seconds after, my daughter says,
"dad can you do (insert generic task)?"

In a sarcastic tone I replied, "we just got home. Can I at least get in the door first?"

"You are in the door dad. See? You even shut it."

So, to you, the collective ATS family, does your child or children, or even friends or family members come out with this kind of humour? Do they ever say something so priceless it just leaves you in stitches?
Have at it

Lol, yes they can be amusing!

*Seeing my 5 yo daughters letter to Santa on christmas eve that she left by her bed....

Dear Satan,
I would really love a bike.......


>.

Two come to mind.

My eight year old boy, given homework to use various words in a sentence. One of the words was "bottomless". His sentence construction was, "If you have an accident and lose your bottom you would be bottomless"

Another from a friend's little girl on being asked what she'd learned at school that day, replied, "Odd and evil numbers"

I have a large 9 year old male German Shepard who like to sun himself on my front porch, laying on his back. One day my 5 year old Grand-daughter came to visit. As she came on the porch she saw my dog laying there on his back, and she said "Look Pa Pa he's laying eggs".

My sister rang and asked what to do when the oil light came on in her car. I went through what oil she needed where to get it and how much to put in how to check it etc.

She rang back a bit peeved because I hadn't told her to buy a funnel. When I told her to use the big black one she replied, "Don't be bloody silly, even the little kitchen one wouldn't fit down that tiny little hole."

She isn't 10 any more.

P

Im probably a bad parent for this but I use the “F” word to express disagreement, amazement, difficulty, inquiry, satisfaction....whatever, because it is the most versatile word in the English language and I love it. I have a 6 year old girl and I never use the word in ANY conversation I have with her and would never use the word or any other cuss word towards her, not right now anyway. lol She hears me use the “F” word and she knows she isn't supposed to use those kind of words and she never has. So about 6 months ago, she starts saying things like, “Is it time to eat yet cause Im soakin hungry?” “Mom, my soakin bath water is getting cold.” “I wish I had my cool dude shades cause the sun is soakin bright and hurts my eyes.”
I just wondered why she kept using the word soakin lately and I didn't figure it out but after about 3 days go by, she said something in front of her mom using the word “soakin” and I said, “Yeah she's been saying she's soaking this and that lately, what's up with that?” My girlfriend immediately said, “I think she found a way to swear and sound like you but not actually swearing.”
We laughed so hard and then we asked her about it and obviously It's cause she has heard me saying something that sounded like soaking. As far as Im concerned, she can ask for a soaking drink whenever she wants. I trust that she won't use curse words til she's older if she chooses.
Every once in a while she says “soakin” and it cracks me up and she gets away with it just because of the fact that it was pretty clever on her part.

About eating home, versus going out to eat:

"I don't want simple foods!"

About being at Disneyland, but not riding on rides:

"I'm not in it for the walk!"

About an elderly white fellow, wearing a straw cowboy hat:

"He knows the other Mexicans."

Those are just off the top of my head! Although he is not my child, he is my brother; he is a kid, and he says the funniest stuff sometimes.

My sister has a list, I will see if I can get it from her when I see her next.

EDIT (Holy smokes!)
How could I forget this one:

Asian lady at park reading from a book that is written in her native tounge. He peeks over at the book, she smiled and showed him the pages and asked "Can you read that?"

He said, "Yes I can!" And continued with "Ching chang ching chang chong" Needless to say I was embarassed something fierce. (Lady knows my brother, and his "special needs" (High Functioning Autisim/Aspergers)

I will say (for the most part) I get a blast at the quotes and snippits he provides.

EDIT2 (Another!)
Getting ready for school in the morning, he often can't find his shoes. So an argument ensues about "putting things where they belong."

He responded with: "It's not my fault, the leprecauns must have come in last night and moved them!!"

If people do not take down their holiday decorations (doesn't matter which holiday)

"WHAT THE?! Halloween was a week ago, they are breaking the law!!"

(I have to get that list...)

Thankyou everyone for the posts.

I'm so glad to see mine aren't the only two kids in the world that do this classic stuff.

What amazes me is they do it with such a straight face.

I will try and remember some other stuff they have come out with tomorrow.

Cheers

When my daughter was 5 (man was that a while ago) we were watching a family members dalmation and had to leave so we put him, with our rotweiller, on our enclosed porch on the backside of our house. When we got home my daughter heard the ruckus and went and looked out the window onto the porch. Next, she came screaming through the house and after calming her down we asked "what was the matter". She replied, "there's wolfusus on the out back porch!" We laughed for a couple hours over that! Still chuckle thinking about it!

My five year old, upon me asking why he got in trouble in music class: "I was a vampire, and I wanted minions. So I tried to convert the other kids, but the teacher didn't like it."

My son, upon getting mad at another child: "I'm going to kill you!" I explained this was a bad thing to say, so he replied, "I'm going to shoot you!" After being told this was also inappropriate, he asked, "Well, can I at least taze him?"

My son, after the above conversation, upset with another student at school: "Mrs. Smith, can we euthanize Jacob?"

More when I can think of them...

My six year old was practising his maniacal bad guy laugh all night Tuesday night.
I am still debating if I should be concerned.

reply to post by smyleegrl


LOL!

reply to post by MNnativeamer


This made me LoL!!!! She sounds like quite a character!

I too have a 'potty' mouth at times & this reminded me of when my daughter was 2 having to go on a 4 hour drive to the city for a hospital appointment.

Picture this-
Three fed up kids, absolutely peeing rain the entire freakin drive,roads closed, diverted traffic,getting lost, no street signs, now late for appointment. The car windows fogged up due to everyone breathing, so we can't see jack!

I was soooo annoyed, I said "F**KING RAIN!!!".
I checked the kids in the back just in time to see my sweet 2yo cherubs face looking out the window while uttering "F**king wain"!!!

Gahhhhh!

reply to post by 74Templar


lol

I took my 8 year old to the move theater this this week to see the Avengers.

All their signs for popcorn ( that have pictures of popcorn) have the popcorn laying down, with the top half of the bag littered on the floor.

As were getting snacks, the kid at the counter asks my daughter if she would like some popcorn.

She looks up and says " Not if you are going to put it on the gross counter or the floor before you give it to me, that's just rude".

Priceless.

My son was about 12 when this happened and I will remember it for the rest of my life it was so cute!

We had just recently applied for his social insurance number (SIN), the letter and card came in the mail a few weeks later and I had it sitting on the table, when my son came in he looked at the letter as it had his name on it, and he say's to me

"What they know how many sins I have done? How do they know?"

Needless to say I was very amused and explained to him what the letter really was.
He was relived as the SIN number is very large!

My 5 yr old son, swinging while playing at the park. Suddenly starts screeching "Eeeeeeeuuuuuuuu Eeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuu"

I asked him what he was doing. His reply: "Testing my emergency broadcast system."

My husband is Italian, we met in London. Where he came from in Italy learning English was very low on the list of priorities at school.

When we met, he had completed a formal course in English and his communication was really good.

Apart from the night when he came home and told me his 'fiddle' is sore. After much laughter and little breathing he explained that he mixed up 'fiddle' and 'elbow' from the expression:'Fiddler's elbow.'

Oh, also when he jumped up from the peacful couch where we were sitting watching tellie, screaming: "close the windows! The moracs are coming in!"

Moracs mixed up with moths!

Oh yes, then there was the time when, working in the Connaught Hotel's Grill room, a customer told him: "Young man, that meal was OUTSTANDING!" My husband did not reply. He did not know if he should appologise or thank the guy, he did not know what outstanding means!

Overhead while teaching a third grade class:

"I think I'm going to be that crazy cat lady you see on tv."

"I know one of the amendments to the Constitution is no cellulite. I saw it on tv."

These are funny.

Well mine are 13 and 14 now, but i've had my fair share of funny comments from them. I love finding little notes that they've written in thier bedroom. When the little one was 5, i found a note she'd left for the fairies saying, "Dear fairies, please help us by giving us money!"

The other day, i bought my daughters a vocal processor or "harmoniser" for thier music, however i'm now waiting for a knock on the door from either the police or social services as my eldest told all her friends at school i'd bought her a TRANQUILZER!!!

Heard one young kid i used to look after having a serious conversation with a friend, saying that his mum who liked to drink a lot, got so drunk she ended up coming home most nights like a "parrot alcoholic". He meant she was paralytic. The lad he was chatting to just nodded along in agreement lol.

I used to love helping at the local playgroup when my kids were toddlers, the kids used to dish so much dirt about the parents lol. One kid told his "news for the week".....he stood up and said, "This week, mummy is having a lovely holiday....but daddy doesn't like it because she has gone with the man next door!".

Gotta love the words of little ones.

CX.

About two years ago, my ex-husband's new girlfriend moved in with him. Apparently, our 5 year old son (at the time) did not care for this. He told me "I hate daddy's girlfriend. I hope she dies." I told him that it wasn't acceptable to wish death upon anyone ever, under any circumstance. He sat there thinking about what I had said and then grumbled, "Fine. Then I hope her head falls off."

Right around this same time period, he had discovered Cartoon Network. Well, they were constantly running this pro-abstinence commercial in which they said the word "sex" repeatedly. My son, being curious about this new word, said "Mommy, what's sex?" The dreaded question I thought I was still years away from having to answer! So I answered "Sex is what mommies and daddies do to make babies." About a week later, he informed me he had it all figured out: The mommy and daddy go to the doctor when they want a baby, and the doctor puts the baby in the mommy's tummy. Then, when the baby is ready, they go back to the doctor and he takes the baby out thru the mommy's belly-button.

Now, about a month ago, he asked, "Mommy, what's a virgin?" Another question I didn't feel like it was time to be hearing! So I said, "A virgin is someone who hasn't had sex." Again, he got real quiet and thought about this for a while. Then, he suddenly piped up and said "Hey! I'M a virgin!!!"

Before my son, I didn't know I could cringe and bust up laughing all at the same time...