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Originally posted by MountainLaurel
reply to post by Shadowalker
I don't see anything to indicate he is a beta, not that I actually see anything wrong with that.
He ended up in the "friend zone" cause she was dating his buddy when they became friends.
It's painful to fall in Love with someone that doesn't return those feelings, and he stepped up, took a risk, told her his feelings at the risk of losing the friendship, plus facing rejection. That took alot of courage.
My advice would be to give her "space" to work through her feelings, and allow her to reach out when and if she is ready. She might end up really missing you and may want to start dating at some point too! If not, like you said, you'll be happy again, but boy it hurts while your in the "throws" of feelings you can't control....Good Luck OP, sent some good thoughts your way......
Delta Males: These kind of guys put off a good front of acting like they're "Alpha males" by conforming into whatever is fashionable and admired by the masses. Most of these men (if you can call them that) need a lot of assurance by society to the point of having little backbone to think for themselves. Sure, many Delta males are surrounded by "friends" and are good at get their fair share of girls by "wooing" them with some pop-culture nonsense (whether it's A&F-style gauche preppiness or poser hip-hop wannabe thuggishness), but that crowd and attention is more imperative for their self-esteem than anything else. For if you take away all of the girls from them and get these same males by themselves, a Delta male's personality completely changes and their "true self" is revealed. Many of these kind of guys are rather weak-minded, crowd-pleasing, conformists who aren't even worthy of the name "Covert Betas" and "Betas in the Closet."
Gamma Males: These kind of dudes are more or less self-reliant, self-motivated, and self-assured in their own personality that no one can change their ways. Some of these kind of males are considered loners, but this is not to case for all Gamma Males. Because of their stern personality, many people tend to write off these men as "Betas" by default because they won't conform to being whatever "Chic Alpha" trait exists during that time period. The man who's confident in his own self-worth and looks is said to go a long way with what women want. But as for recent times (I'll say since the early 2000s), most females are more impressed with being "wooed" with inane attributes, something that most Gamma males will refuse to do unless their original personality is what woos the female. These men, until recently, have had no problems getting with "American females" but recently, even these males are getting thrown in the "weak male" shelf because of their lack of conforming to the masses. Though getting women - even in today's time - isn't as much of a problem as it is for the "stereotypical Alpha Male," this is still a concern for quite a few Gamma males who were either born too recent (those in their teens and twenties) or those who live in areas where narcissism and American pop-culture rule the minds of the masses. Read more: www.city-data.com...
Originally posted by SilverStarGazer
Just for what it's worth... It seems by the way you describe things that you either consciously or subconsciously view this as a game or sport by using terms like playing close to the vest, forcing your hand, and catching the fish.
It also seems like you think you have above average skills or perhaps extra sensory skills in "reading" people. Whether any of that is true is basically only a side note. What is clearly lacking in your approach is direct honest communication. It seems you've attempted to set up a scenario built in your mind which never works because that would imply you have more control over the situation than her. You also contradicted yourself by first saying multiple times that you messed up then you flipped and said you didn't think it was your fault...
Anyway, to the point... I'll be blunt... I think you are trying to portray yourself in a certain light using self depricating comments but then listing all your great qualities as if somehow you've been used or taken advantage of. I think there's way more to you and this situation than you're letting on, which means if you can't be straight even with yourself, you're not going to get any real assistance with this thread.
I'm a professional counselor and I think you're attention seeking with all of this. I don't see any genuine wish for assistance here. Sorry if I come off harsh but I just call it as I see it and that's what is plainly obvious based on your posts. If you really do want advice then I'll give you some: quit approaching such situations as a game with your "tactics" "analyzation" etc. be real and communicate openly and honestly. No sense in drawing out the dramatics when you can cut to the chase and get the answers you say you want from this woman instead of "fishing" for a few cheap ego strokes on ATS.