posted on May, 7 2012 @ 12:12 PM
I'm not sure if this is the appropriate forum for this topic, but here goes. Before I begin I wish to say that I do not believe in love in first
sight, I believe love is a mutual connection between two people of whom are comparable with one another.
Okay, so 7 years ago I met this girl. We were in highschool at the time, I had seen many beautiful girls throughout my life but when I saw this girl I
immediately had a crush on her. I'd had infatuations before but this time was different, I felt some sort of bond, like I was tied to her. It made my
highschool days difficult I was the dorky football dropout and she was one of the most popular girls in school.
Over the years it just got weird, this infatuation evolved. It evolved without any reason to, she never spoke to me, I knew nothing about her, yet
these feelings just grew without reason, without justification. It made me depressed, I had feelings for a girl that I didnt know, for reasons I
didn't know either. I felt cursed, it wasn't natural I shouldn't feel so strongly about her, these emotions are an abomination I told myself.
My senior year in highschool she spoke to me, only because we were in the same art class, everyone else had gone down stairs, so it was jus me, her,
and her friend. I'm sure she felt trapped and awkward, so she broke the silence. When she spoke it was the most beautiful voice I had ever heard, I
managed to make her laugh and she had the cutest laugh. For the remaining few months we had some short conversations. Just talking to her for 5
minutes made my week, she was funny, her personality was irresistible. After some time I mustered up the courage to ask her out. Unfortunately she
left the next day for a class trip to Europe. When she returned she wouldn't speak to me, then she got back together with her ex. During the trip I
discovered she had befriended a girl in my class, she was a religios nut who hated my guts.
She was a junior at the time but her brother was in my class and he hated me. So, when graduation day rolled around she was there. Afterwards everyone
shook our hands and congratulated us. Her father passed by shook my hand and congratulated me, next her mother who called me by my name and wished me
well. Next she passed by she hugged me but I don't remember what she said because all I could think about was how much I was going to miss her. I
still don't know if I said it aloud or not but I may have said " I'll miss you."
I was hurt because 7 years went by and I never got to know her and even worse I never got to be with her.
I wasn't even happy that day I had to fake my exitment, it felt like my heart had been torn to a million pieces and the each little piece was nuked.
I couldn't bear the pain so 3 months later I took an overnight bus a thousand miles away to start over and heal. A year later after I moved I was
just starting to get over her when I had to move back due to financial trouble.
Recently, an old friend told me that she had asked about me, he said she wanted to ask me " a special question" he managed to pry from her that she
wanted me to take her to prom. He didn't know where I was and neither did she, I missed the one chance I ever had with her, the one chance I ever
will have. I was and still am in denile that any of it was true. The day I heard that my world turned to glass and shattered, I had just died inside.
I would walk through hell a thousand times over for this girl if only given the chance. I still feel as much pain today as I did then, my heart is
shattered and I cannot inagine a worse pain. I opened a Facebook account and tried talking to her. I sent her a message that said " hey how've you
been" I never received a reply, I know she got the message, a few days ago someone wrote her a similar message on her wall and she didn't reply to
that either. I think she's only pretending to be happy but I know there is a pain she's hiding. I discovered that Shes living at her parents house
two blocks down the street from my apartment. I wish I could talk to her but showing up at her door would be inappropriate.
We were never friends, and I doubt she ever really liked me. I hear she thinks I'm a creep so doing so would only prove that. I've done all I can,
now I just want to get over her. However I cannot do so until I figure our why I feel this for her. We're exact opposites of each other, I'm crazy
about her, she hates me, we have almost nothing in common. There is no logical reason in this universe that could explain why I feel this way. I have
no answers, only questions and pain. If nothing fruitful shows up here then im just going to see a therapist, or some sort of psychic, maybe it's a
mental disorder. I just know these feelings aren't normal, she hates me and I don't know why, all I know is there's something wrong with me, maybe
I am a creep.
Can anyone relate to this, offer an explaination, I'm desperate for answers so anything would help.