A night of Hell, a dream of Heaven. Amazing experience which has changed my life!

So anyway - I originally posted this in the Gray area under a title which may have put off a lot of readers that I would like to have a look over it. I've had zero responses from Christians under that thread, so I figured I would repost it here, where some people of the Christian faith are likely to see it more easily. I have edited it significantly, so it reads a little better than the original - mods, please consider my reasons for the repost and if possible allow it to stay here in its new home...

I'd like to share an experience with you, hopefully something that will encourage you to think on subjects you may never have considered previously… Please, take the time to read through if you possibly can (you could do it in chunks, perhaps over coffee or cigarette breaks, or just during a bland moment at work). Please bear with me – the ideas may seem alien at first, perhaps outdated or irrelevant to your life - I relate the experience from a faith-based perspective. I hope you find it interesting at the very least.

So. I’m thirty years old, married with two children, and had been working as a TV producer before needing to take time off sick last year. This was as a result of my becoming very ill, very suddenly. I was diagnosed with a severe depression - coupled with psychotic symptoms (hearing malicious voices in my mind. seeing terrifying visions in my mind’s eye – even physical hallucinations). One of the worst aspects was hour upon hour of very bad nightmares almost every night.

I am a Christian, so on careful reflection I tentatively accepted that the psychotic symptoms were a form of demonic attack. This concept is not new, having been seen in hundreds of films and TV series over the past thirty years or more. As a Christian for the past ten years or so, I had believed in the angelic and demonic realms, but I've had a lot of doubts and questions concerning my own faith. These doubts led me to stop going to church, and to stop paying attention to what God might have been trying to say to me.

Perhaps the idea of God talking to people is a bit too much for you to accept at face value, so I’ll explain a little further.

I come from a branch of Christianity that believes that all the things Jesus did 2000 years ago – healings, exorcisms, the impartation of hidden knowledge from a supernatural source; even raising the dead – are actively occurring in some modern churches. One quick example: A guy from our church who had very quickly (within the space of weeks) been declared clinically and legally blind (due to degradation and the ultimate severing of the optic nerves – told he had zero chance of ever seeing again) was literally miraculously cured, receiving his full sight in an instant. This happened recently, randomly enough as he was using the toilet (!!) one morning only a few months ago.

God had spoken through the type of miraculous impartation of knowledge I mentioned earlier (known as a ‘word of knowledge’ by those who believe in and seek the experience through prayer) while he had been praying with friends some time earlier. In that prayer time, one of the other guys felt God say: ‘’You will lose your sight for a time, and will have to rely on your brothers in the church for support’’. At the time this was revealed he had been able to see perfectly well, and had no idea that he had any problems with his eyes - he thought the sight being referred to was metaphorical, like ‘losing his way’ in a spiritual sense perhaps. But of course, the word referenced a literal loss of sight, and also prophesied a recovery of sight after a time.

So coming back to my experience (on 01/05/2012), having not slept too well for several nights, I took a bunch of valerian root tablets in the hope of drifting off to the Land of Nod, equally hoping it wouldn’t be yet more nightmares – but 2am came and still no sleep. I began to hear multiple demonic presences, and sense / see them in the atmosphere around me. They basically laid into me ceaselessly for an hour with all sorts of malicious nonsense, which is very distressing in and of itself. After a while I went downstairs and had a cigarette, praying for it to stop. I got the sense that there was a reassurance offered in the Spirit, but after going back upstairs the same crap continued. I ended up simply enduring it, praying and affirming my faith constantly, until sheer exhaustion forced me into a very brief OOBE (out-of-body experience). I have, until the night in question, only ever experienced around four or five of these OOBEs. They have always been involuntary, and local to my physical body. I've never got past the street outside my house before snapping back into my body, either through fear or by accidentally waking myself up having realised I'm out of body.

In the OOBE I found myself standing upright in my children's bedroom, though everything was a bit fuzzy and indistinct – as though seeing everything through a field of static (as has always been the way of my OOBEs). Standing there, I randomly said something about 'changing the referee' (having watched a lot of football the day previous, both English and Spanish leagues, I guess it was fresh in my subconscious). At once a feeling of extreme dizziness overwhelmed me. There was a sense of electrical energy rushing throughout my entire ‘astral’ form. I was about to collapse under its influence, but some other person – perhaps an angel, though I couldn't see clearly at this stage - took hold of my forearms and lowered me back into my body - where I woke up with a start.

Something felt different, but I couldn't put my finger on what exactly had changed. I was wide awake, and a bit annoyed about that fact, so I took my puzzled self downstairs for another cigarette. As I was smoking, I realised that the sense of demonic presences and the voices I'd been battered with had completely gone! I thanked God - I'd had faith that the horribly negative experiences would end, but I hadn't expected it to happen in such a dramatic way, so suddenly - and I had almost given up hope several times in these past few months.

So up I go, back to bed, and my wife wakes up so I explain what just happened. Obviously she's pleased, and we switch on the radio for ten minutes to settle into normalcy before trying to sleep again. We listen mostly to a Christian radio station called UCB Inspirational. It was 3am, and an apologist (Ravi Zachariah) came on and gave a discourse on the wonders of the scientific complexities of the human body. I listened to the whole thing and found it highly edifying, considering what I'd just experienced to be another wonder of the human condition.

Then came a twist. I switched off the radio, and over the course of several minutes, to my horror found that the evil presences and voices began to return, more sadistic than before with real 'hope-crushers' being spouted almost ceaselessly. I was gutted, but held onto the faith that this might be a temporary setback. After a while, I suddenly found myself in a strange condition. I felt a strong surge of the electrical energy that I had experienced earlier, causing uncontrollable shakiness and a sense of head-spin, though it seemed that I was still in my body. Then it was as though a demonic force had taken hold of my legs and was raising them upwards. I had a sense that I was being held in a forcefield of some kind, and it wasn't a pleasant experience. I woke suddenly from the trance-like state, this time breathing heavily and properly panicked, unable to process what had happened. I was shaken for several minutes before relaxing a bit (despite the presences/voices having an occasional crack at me - I won't repeat the things that were said, as it really is negative, nasty, horrible stuff)

After a while, a similar state occurred with equal suddenness. I felt as though my body was being twisted round on the bed by the same malevolent exterior force, and I felt pressure on my legs, with the same head-spinning energised grip being exerted over my whole form. It subsided as quickly as it began, and I realised that only my astral body had been moved, I was still positioned with my head on the pillow in the normal way - and once again I was panicked and breathless - this time I woke my wife simply by my rapid breathing.

The whole process repeated another five or six times that I can recall, with various pressures being exerted on my legs and body, and specifically my neck, with a real feeling of strangulation; there was the same sense of being turned around or moved in the bed, and the sense that a powerful, evil entity was standing over the foot of the bed - all the while I was in this debilitating energetic grip. These experiences occurred separately, terrified me, with times of probably several minutes in between each one. In the end I felt so helpless that I actually sought the experience in my will, wanting to scream and yell at the entity causing them - though that did nothing but make things worse; as the shaking and movement started again I mentally projected something like ''come on then you ******* b***ard ****, what else can you do?!''

My mental outburst led to the one of the worst experiences, where I felt that I was literally grabbed by the ankles and pulled off the bed, landing hard on the floor and being dragged several feet across the room. 'It' began to press down on my legs and force a painful pressure into my lower body. I woke up horrified, barely able to breathe – I exclaimed loudly ''Oh my God'' unable to process what had occurred - again waking my wife. The entire experience had taken place in the astral dimension, despite an incredible sense of it being totally and utterly real - there was even the proper sense of my own body weight falling off the bed and 'painful' contact as I hit the floor. Despite my adrenaline pumping fears that I had actually been grabbed and dragged across the room, my physical body was exactly where it should have been, head on the pillow. At this point I went for another cigarette to calm my nerves.

After returning from my smoke, I began to slip into more tangible OOBEs, which lasted for longer periods of time than those previously, and which were essentially an experience of horror. There was a single entity that seemed to delight in torturing me, and devised cunning ways to do so. I won't go into the details, save for a couple: In one I saw the entity as my wife standing at my side - it had taken on her form - as a sadistic means of making me hope that the experiences had taken on a more positive note; suffice to say, the optimism didn't last long. At one point it was jumping up and down on my back, jabbing me with spiked tendrils. Between these experiences I would wake up, numb with terror, yet all the while clinging onto hope that the situation would change. Prayer was my only weapon, but it seemed to be slow progress.


Finally, I slipped into a dream state. At first, it seemed that the entity had followed me there; maybe it had – I can’t be sure. What I can say with certainty is that at first the dream appeared to be very negative. I was being told in no uncertain terms that I didn’t measure up, that I was a failure, that I deserved to be punished. I accepted these points easily, having come to the same conclusions myself during the course of my depression (I spent many years being a complete tool, drinking too much, immoral, and being a general drain on the people around me. Despite a conversion to Christianity, I was backslidden – degenerated - to a desperate degree). What came next was – and remains – awe-inspiring.

Gradually, the dream characters began to take on the forms of important people in my early childhood. They didn’t all appear as recognizable for who they represented, but there was a subtle evocation in all of them, of people whom I had been in contact with from the ages of one year old up to around eight years old. These dream characters began to guide me through the formative experiences of my childhood, both the positive and the negative – though mainly focusing on those experiences that had elicited a negative fear-based response in my young self. To be absolutely candid about what kind of experiences I’m talking about, they included my first attempts at toilet-training (LOL), to my first romantic attraction to a girl, to my first contact with degrading media and ‘bad influences’, to my first memorable Christmas, to my insecurity at discovering the vastness of the universe, to my feelings about my parents – and so on.

I was allowed to view the experiences from three perspectives. Firstly, as the youngster experiencing the issue; secondly, as an observer looking in at my young self having the experiences; thirdly, as an adult conversing with one of the ‘guides’ regarding the experience. All three perspectives were not always included, but that was the general pattern.

The dream became steadily more focused on positive aspects of my life to date – primarily my relationship with my children. I was encouraged to see life from their perspective, as though I was my young self experiencing their lives under my parentage. Wow. I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, I thought I was a reasonable parent (exception being the last six months where I’ve been somewhat disconnected from everyone around me), but last night I was shown/ realised that there is so much I can do, with so little effort, that will make their lives a hundred times better.

The last part of my dream came quite suddenly – after I was shown that I had a deep insecurity about ‘my place in the universe’. I was leaning against a beautifully carved wall, made of sandstone I think, long and wide but low enough that I could see over it to the landscape beyond. An unseen presence spoke to me in what seemed to be a type of parable, though on waking I couldn’t remember the detail of it. I was then told/shown that true wisdom in a person comes from the parentage that reflects upon ancient and sacred traditions in the raising of a child. Judaism was the example given, and it seemed to make perfect sense in the way it was described (though again, the details are a little hazy upon waking).

I exclaimed at this point: ‘’But I had no-one to teach me this wisdom’’. The answer came immediately: ‘’This is the wisdom of God’’.

I was flooded with a sense of peace, happiness and security. I looked out at the landscape beyond the wall, and somehow totally and completely knew that I was looking out over Heaven itself. The beauty is indescribable. I recall none of the precise details of the landscape itself, but got a sense of meadows, fields and forests, with buildings here and there – though this simple sentence cannot do justice to the awesome wonder of the place. It is a vast, seemingly endless kingdom, sunlit and full of goodness, varied and full, emanating joy. As I looked out, I peacefully emerged from my dream into waking reality - to the birdsong dawn chorus and the first morning of sunshine that we’ve had in Manchester for several weeks.

As I mused, thanking God for the conclusion of the night, I realised that for the first time in six months I had woken up happy, feeling secure and fulfilled, confident in my place and time, confident in my duties and role, eager for the day and ready to ‘get on with life’. A song popped into my head, which I will quote below:

‘’Three and a half pounds of brain try to figure out,
What this life is all about,
And is there an eternity?
So God if you’re there, I hope you’ll show me,
And God if you’re there, then I need you to know,
I hope you don’t mind me asking the questions, but I…
I figure you’re big enough.’’

As I had my coffee and got the kids ready for school, I realised that there was no sense of oppression, no voices nagging at me, and no sense that any of this newfound joy was going to leave me. I got into the car and drove the kids to school.

As we approached my youngest son’s nursery, he suddenly exclaimed out loud:

‘’To be understood, as to understand’’

He is three years old, and he had just quoted a hymn that I enjoyed singing in assemblies as a young child, based on the prayer of St Francis of Assissi. I was literally overwhelmed with emotions as I hummed the tune walking into the nursery, and nearly burst out crying. I have never had a better morning in my life – it followed the worst night of my life.

That old hymn:

‘’Make me a channel of thy peace
Where there’s despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is sadness – ever joy
And where there’s doubt, true faith in you.

Oh Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood, as to understand
To be loved, as to love with all my soul…’’



If you’re ever facing hard times, remember:

There is hope. There is a purpose. There is a Way. Never give up.

Wow.....The Gray Area seems to fit here.

Looks like it's time for a.....Check above the neck.

Make that appointment now...

Originally posted by whyamIhere
Looks like it's time for a.....Check above the neck.

Make that appointment now...

I'm not 100% sure that I agree -- on the fence about it. Modern psychiatry doesn't hold all the answers to everything in this vast universe. I wonder what Joan of Arc's diagnosis might have been. She heard voices, too. On the other hand, I know some people who have genuine chemical imbalances that cause hallucinations.

OP, S&F from a non-religious Christian for an interesting read. I'm glad that it turned out to be a positive experience for you in the end. If the "attacks" return, maybe ask God to guide you in what to do, and be open to the possibility that the guidance may include some medical treatment?

Peace to you.

reply to post by FlyInTheOintment


Bravo, bravo!

Thanks for sharing!

S&F!

Hello OP. I am a Christian and I believe you. I don't belong to any particular sect but I follow Jesus and seek His path of Love whenever I am challenged. That is all He teaches. I just wish that more people would read the New Testament and parts of the old and see this, even if they don't choose to accept Him as their Saviour. One step down from that, if people believe in a good and bad and that there is a spiritual realm, that He just may be the highest to aspire to. Why would anyone dismiss Him at all ? His message is good. Where did good come from - how do we know good? Just like humans, there are spirits who choose good and those that choose evil. There's too much info out there to deny the existence of an afterlife and spirits/entities.

I survived a three and a half hour exorcism in June of 2007 and I can relate to your hearing voices. I heard them too. They (over 50) were dispelled with the initial session but a main dark entity remained for about two weeks. It was not until I got in touch with my deepest feeling of Love for God in my heart that it was taken from me or left on its own because my highter vibration of Love repelled it. You were severely attacked. It was your faith and grace that saved you. Through circumstances resulting from someone calling the police over my screams, I was put in a recovery home for two weeks. All the psychiatrists and psychologists were in the room upon my evaluation. Only one understood. He was a Christian. He said, "You were attacked."

You will get many criticisms on this post saying you are crazy but you are not. Those of us who have survived these are w/o doubt of this reality. In that regard, I have to be thankful I was shown, despite the torment. You have gained much strength and deepened your faith and conviction from your experience. Now I would encourage you to write down everything that happened beyond what you've written here not just for your sake but for anyone who might read it. There will always be non-believers and all I can say to them is we are all on different paths. I wish the best for you as you should wish the best for me - however we walk on that path.

It seems that my experience was also brought on by depression. Perhaps that weakens the spirit and aura for an attack i.e., 'opens a window'. It took me a year to get over what happened to me. During that time I was still harrassed and had to fight them off but was successful and gained a lot of strength.

However, there was another incident in 2009 where for some reason, one got into me. Frankly, I think it was to show to my new husband this reality as well. We were watching TV and all of a sudden I became aware that something was in me. I told my husband. He believed me. I went and sat on the bed and opened the Bible reading the Psalms out loud. I could feel the torment inside over this. Somehow I knew what would happen when I turned to a page with a picture of Jesus on it. I called my husband into the bedroom. He had been in the living room shouting at it (them?) to leave. He came in and I said, "Watch this." I turned the pages to a picture of Jesus and what was in me made me inhale a long, fearful and gutteral gasp. It could not handle what my eyes were beholding and fingers touching. It was utter fear coming out of my mouth. As I read more, speaking out loud, and looked at more pictures, I let it know that it did not have power over me. I put the book down and reached up both arms and asked Mother Mary to hold my hands. She did, or her energy came through my angels, but I screamed in pain - but not feeling the pain myself, or rather it screamed through me in pain. I continued my prayers out loud and pleadings with God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Mother Mary and Archangel Michael to take it from me. I put down the book again and reached up again and asked Jesus to hold my hands this time because I knew what happened with Mother Mary's energy. As soon as my hands were outreached I screamed even louder and it, in me, threw my body back on the bed screaming in utter agony - though again I did not feel pain. It left a couple minutes later. To non-believers, lol, I know this seems crazy. But there ARE spirits that harrass and good ones that look out for us. There are very powerful ones on both sides. Hard to believe? Why? Do bullies and sociopaths exist here?

It's all real. We are more than mind and body. Our spirits are in an spirtual realm invisible to our human eyes and who knows where that can be sometimes. Depression, among other things, can lead away from higher realms into lower realms. Psalm 23 and others are very helpful. OP, read Ephesians 6:10-18 often. I think we are all souls being forged in Love like swords. Earth may be school to choose Love over hate, positive over negative, good qualities over bad qualities. Earth is a fine example of those who have not learned and the ones who are learning.

reply to post by whyamIhere


It's a shame you got in with the first response.

Ever tried having an open mind?

And of course, I got myself checked by a psychiatrist as soon as the issues started. I don't doubt the ability of doctors, but this one was beyond them, and faith/grace is what brought me through it. Four days on and I'm happy as larry, active and involved in life again. I've been set free, and fortunately negative nancies like you won't put me off from sharing the experience.


ETA:

signature:
Respect....Its really not that hard.

- Just realised you're a total hypocrite!!!

reply to post by Lightrider


Very interesting comments and I admire your convictions/ faith. It's always worth sharing about these experiences, as others can take encouragement from them.

reply to post by FlyInTheOintment


Don't even pay attention to unbelievers,

They can't fathom what we've experienced.

reply to post by Lightrider


Thank God for that post, it was refreshing!

God bless you and thanks for the verses!

Psalm 23 is powerful!

Amen!

reply to post by graceunderpressure


Appreciate the comments, but what may not have been clear from the OP is that I was already receiving medical treatment. I'm going to give it some time, but I think that treatment may well be redundant now, considering the dramatic transformation in my outlook/ feelings/ mental clarity and general sense of well-being.

I've actually made an appointment with my psychiatrist to discuss what happened, and to get his advice on when it would be appropriate to stop treatment after a 'miraculous cure'...

reply to post by FlyInTheOintment


If I were you I'd blow off that psychiatrist appointment,

They can't help you nor can they offer you explanations, and there's a good chance he'll try pumping you full of anti psychotics or anti depressents,

Rebel against the world, that includes "psychiatry", when and if possible.

Flyintheointment, I agree with Iason321. Unless your psychiatrist is a Christian he really won't be able to help you or even relate to your problem so he'll be treating you for what HE thinks it was and could do more harm than good. Drugs might be his only 'solution' to justify his hourly rate. Do you ask a barber if you need a haircut? You can always shop around for a Christian one if you think you really need it, or find a site where others have had the same experience and are finding strength again. I spoke with a psychiatrist before I was 'involuntarily' admitted and he was a Messianic Jew. He couldn't see me because he was retired and only worked with a couple people. Although he did understand what I was going through and had a lot of compassion. He strongly suggested I find a Christian therapist. Fortunately, I did and it was very helpful.

Right after admission, I was put on Abilify which pretty much turned me into a zombie. However, it did help to take some of the edge off of having a black, hate-seething entity in my space. But it was an effort to lift my feet up when walking. When I left the place, I was ordered to see a psychologist who still prescribed it for several months but, lol, I only took it for a few weeks and had to lie about taking it so I wouldn't be admitted again. I just dealt with healing naturally and changing my life drastically. The drug would only have slowed that process and I believe would have made me weaker. My 'dosage' went down to nothing when they saw I was consistantly doing fine. They kept after me to get a brain scan for that tumor which they thought I just must have. Never did. No insurance. Still alive, no headaches, and everything works. They just couldn't accept that my diagosed "psychotic episode" was a spiritual issue.

It was a healing center for those overwhelmed with a life occurence who needed a quiet place to recover with the guidance of counselors, etc. There was a lot of group activity and we all ate together at a large table - usually about 12 - 15 of us. I learned early on in this event that when you asked for food or drink to be blessed - it truly is. You don't need to go anywhere to get holy water. You ask for it, earnestly of course, and it is absolutely immediate. When I was still harboring whatever it was and ate or drank what I'd ask to be blessed it would double me over in pain, - almost fight me to put the drink to my mouth - but again, no pain, just the reaction. It had that much control over my body. When sitting at this table, I suspected a few of the individuals had the same problem I did, whether they did or would believe it or not, but I never said anything. It was very interesting that when I said my blessing and to please bless all the meals, when we first started eating I would get this reaction and had to forcibly control my spasms rejecting the blessed food. I wasn't the only one. A few people acted like they had just eaten poison and would visibly jerk forward with some sort of heavy discomfort. I had to seriously wonder... watching them have the same reaction I was trying to hold back. To this day I put nothing in my mouth without asking it to be blessed.

Bringing this back around to your wanting to continue seeing a psychiatrist - how in the world could they ever consider these types of incidents part of the unseen reality? It's not in the books they read. Unless they are a believer.

Originally posted by FlyInTheOintment
reply to post by whyamIhere

 

It's a shame you got in with the first response.

Ever tried having an open mind?

And of course, I got myself checked by a psychiatrist as soon as the issues started. I don't doubt the ability of doctors, but this one was beyond them, and faith/grace is what brought me through it. Four days on and I'm happy as larry, active and involved in life again. I've been set free, and fortunately negative nancies like you won't put me off from sharing the experience.


ETA:

signature:
Respect....Its really not that hard.

- Just realised you're a total hypocrite!!!

edit on 3-5-2012 by FlyInTheOintment because: (no reason given)

I was very serious...

Maybe I should of been kinder....I apologize.

I stand by by comments....(in a much nicer tone).

Originally posted by graceunderpressure

Originally posted by whyamIhere
Looks like it's time for a.....Check above the neck.

Make that appointment now...

I'm not 100% sure that I agree -- on the fence about it. Modern psychiatry doesn't hold all the answers to everything in this vast universe. I wonder what Joan of Arc's diagnosis might have been. She heard voices, too. On the other hand, I know some people who have genuine chemical imbalances that cause hallucinations.

OP, S&F from a non-religious Christian for an interesting read. I'm glad that it turned out to be a positive experience for you in the end. If the "attacks" return, maybe ask God to guide you in what to do, and be open to the possibility that the guidance may include some medical treatment?

Peace to you.

If it was demonic, and it sounds like it was to me, modern psychiatry can be ineffective. When you sense the presence of evil, it's evil.

I was going through a rough period of demonic badgering and was taking enough sedating medicine to knock out an elephant and I kept going like the EveryReady Bunny.. As for those of you who believe these voices called auditory hallucination are the product of a messed up psyche, I suggest that you consider the possibility they may be demonic. I am not saying in every case, but it should not be ruled out. I have an excellent shrink, but it took 6 months for me to start getting better. I am Bipolar I. Getting the right meds helped, but I got "prayed over" and stepped up my own prayer life and feel that was equally important, if not more so.

I have a GF who prays almost non-stop. She is Schizophrenic. Years ago these "voices" told her they would leave her alone if she stopped praying. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to get the picture here, do you? Anyway, not too long ago she asked her psychiatrist if they could be demonic and he told her with a pained look; "Yes."

OP, great sharing. If you've dealt with depression in the past I definitely would seek psychiatric help. This does not discount your story in any way. Things get out of balance and the demons take advantage of that.

reply to post by FlyInTheOintment


For the rest of your life you will have the awesome memory of hearing your little 3 year old say:
‘’To be understood, as to understand’’ . I truly believe his angel or God put that thought in his head. I pray it comes back to you when you are struggling with hard times to come in your life.

Originally posted by FlyInTheOintment
reply to post by Lightrider

 

Very interesting comments and I admire your convictions/ faith. It's always worth sharing about these experiences, as others can take encouragement from them.

Hey brother, great story. I am well versed in spiritual warfare and dealing with angelic entities. From the first paragraph I said to myself "demonic entities." Whenever an experience comes ask the spirits:

"Did Jesus of Nazareth come in the flesh?"

No demonic entity will say "yes". They will all say "no". And if they come to oppress, don't fear them, they operate on fear, their entire purpose is to scare you, that's it. You can make them leave if you maginify Christ, praise Him, just lift your hands and praise the Lord, after doing this for several minutes, order them to leave. You also have the authority over your angels that protect you. Charge them in Christ's Name to remove the demonic entities and they will bind them and remove them.

Here is a great book you can get online:

Amazon

Originally posted by FlyInTheOintment
...
"Oh Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood, as to understand
To be loved, as to love with all my soul…’’
...

For me, this is the best part of your post - especially good advice because depression tends to focus on yourself.