I'm so [MAD] at......, page 1

As I stuck my head out of the second floor window, I could already hear my neighbors shouting from across the street. They were all shouting "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more". I could hear hundreds maybe thousands of voices all yelling the same thing. They were all mad and angry voices. But for some odd reason they were comforting to me and actually made me feel a sense of safety and security.

It was a moment I had been waiting for, for a long time. A moment I had been hoping for, a moment I had been fighting for and striving for. I suddenly could feel a rush of excitement and adrenaline. I could practically feel the electricity in the air. The passion and the energy flowing out from every voice in every window on every street. Not just my block, not just my city. But the voice of my entire Country. The voice of the Nation. It was truly awe inspiring and it suddenly dawned upon me.

It was a surreal moment. Like a dream or a spiritual out of body experience.Time seemed to slow down and I could hear every word the people were saying. I could feel everything they were feeling. We all felt the same and we were all saying the same things and feeling the same feelings. We were all connected. I felt empowered.

As I stood there at my window staring out into space it seemed like time stood still for that moment. The seconds were like minutes and a minute seemed like an hour. Moments from my past seemed to flash before my eyes. Memories of my indoctrination into this system, of my childhood rebellion, of the punishment and memories of confinement. Memories of oppression and grief. Memories of loneliness, feeling like an outcast, wanting to fit in. All the memories of feeling imprisoned and enslaved by a greedy and corrupt system flooded my mind. I was so mad, I was so angry. I could feel it growing inside me.

Slowly, I inhaled the cold night air through my nostrils. My teeth and my fists clenched as I looked upon the World I had been so unjustly thrust into. I took one more deep breath and shouted out from the deepest inner core of my being. I shouted from a place that I didn't even know existed until that moment. I shouted "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more". and once again I took a deep breath and shouted, "I said, I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more".

It felt good, it felt right. It released the anxieties and the pressures I had been holding in all day, all week, all year. Heck, it felt like I released all the anger, all the stress and all the anxiety that I had been holding onto my whole life. I felt amazing, I felt free, I felt calm again. I suddenly felt somewhat exhausted, as the adrenaline rush began to wear off and all the feelings of anger, stress and anxiety were released, as if I had been in some kind of physical battle.

Suddenly, I found myself again frozen in time. Except this time I felt different. I felt strange, like something wasn't right. I couldn't figure out what it was. That when I realized, I didn't really know why I was so mad or who I was mad at. I remember all the nice people in my life, all the great teachers I had. All my wonderful friends and neighbors. My parents who I loved and who loved me. I almost felt ashamed for being so mad. I had a good life, so many people have it a lot worse than I do. I questioned my right to be so angry at the World I was so lucky to be thrust into.

I reviewed my life, while time stood still. Memories from my past seemed to flash before my eyes again. Except this time the memories were different. Instead of looking out at the World this time I was looking at myself. I was a lucky child, I was a happychild, I was cared for and I was kind of self centered and selfish. Where did all that anger come from I wondered. Who was I so angry and mad at?

I thought I was mad at the system. I thought I was mad at "the man", who was always trying to keep a poor brother down. I thought I was mad at my parents, my teachers, bullies in school, my boss, my ex-wife, the government, the politicians, the military and the police. Then it hit me, I knew exactly why and who I was so mad at.

I wasn't really mad at all those people. I was actually mad at myself. I realized that if I was to ever truly be free. It meant that I had to accept and take responsibility for myself. I had to stop blaming others for making the same mistakes I had made. For following the same rules that I had followed. How could I be mad at the people I loved and who also love me. How could I continue to be so selfish and blame other people and the government for my mistakes in life.

In my life I have made many mistakes. But one mistake I don't want to make again is blaming others for my mistakes. I knew there was still a lot of legitimate reasons I could and should still be mad at in the outside World. But, once I was able to forgive myself for the mistakes I made. I found it a lot easier to forgive those around me. I may even decide to give our president a second chance.

But that's another story...... Peace