posted on Apr, 30 2012 @ 01:20 PM
Good Morning...so I woke up today still thinking about the discussion we are having here, and processing what my "motives" are for wanting to
participate? lol, clearly a big part is to try and "heal" so in that way it is self centered, to deny that would be a lie, and that's the heart of
why this subject matters to me so much.
lol, oh geez....just went through crying jag....need to lighten up, Thank-You to thoughtful kind folks that reached out in private messages, much
At the end of the day, my motive is to shed some light on how and what the reality is for men that live in the closet, and how it effects thier
families, and ultimately them...and it's sad, VERY sad....
As I shared in earlier post, found out ex hubby was gay, or more accurately probably bi, lol, we made a baby, so must have had some attraction?
Anyways, our baby was 8 mns old, when this all came to light.....his reaction was to be VERY apologenic, and he explained to me how he felt and where
he was coming from, in his mind, as he put it to me, this was a "shameful" part of himself that began in his teens through watching porn.
So now I need to find a way to "understand" and GOD knows I tried, and yeah, I believe in God, but am absolutely sure he doesn't condem people to
hell because of sexual orientation, as others have said quite well, he does in my mind ask us to be honest and fair.
This all played out for 7+ years, the "priority" was our daughter and we tried to "manage" the situation for the benefit of our child, 1st trying
to "ignore" the reality, and engage in mutual masterbation, didn't work for me. 2nd make a "don't ask, don't tell policy in our marriage, which
actually worked out fine , lol, in a sick way, cause I was just too focused on our child and work to "go there".. I knew he was hooking up with
random strangers, and I guess that's how it works in the "closet" world, men meet up in parks, etc. knowing they will meet thier needs....
What unhinged it all is when I did "go there", and took a lover, all HELL broke loose, and to this day I am the "hussy" that cheated on him in
the eyes of his family and friends. LOL, now here's the irony, wait for it.....he insisted we let his college buddy park his RV on the side of our
house, which my first response was "Hell No" but he was down and out, his wife had just died at a young age, late 20's early 30's, not sure
exactly, in freak accident, so I agreed we should help him ultimately.
This guy was really nice, helped me, told me how pretty I was, lol, yeah us girls love that, and later told me that my ex had come into his RV and
solicited sex, he declined....sooo at the end of the day my ex was more pissed that the object of his desire wanted me not him...this is nothing I'm
proud of, but this is what happened