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Hack Poems

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posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:40 PM
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Beyond

Brain matter beneath my nails
Fragments of smashed skull
Ripping out entrails
Of victim to the cull

This is no vivisection
I bite into your heart
Beyond disaffection
I'll tear soul apart

I want to taste your pain
Savour it a while
Feel my terror reign
See my evil smile

I'll give you decimation
Erase you from existence
Hear my proclamation
Futile is resistance

I killed Tyler Durden
Killed him really slow
He became a burden
So Tyler had to go

I have become a God
I have gained ascension
Scorched earth where I trod
Im in a new dimension

I charged through the Ninth Gate
Satan bowed before me
Riding on my hate
I would show no mercy

I put Satan to the sword
Burnt out the flames of hell
I now control his hoard
Beyond where mortals dwell.


My latest work (:
I know this really awesome hot girl. I met her when she was working in a Bookstore.She has a degree in literature and she works as a teacher now. She is super cool. I have written her a few poems trying to be romantic. I never really wrote any before I met her. I even wrote her a sonnet once
They are not the best but its the thought that counts hey.

I found that writing poems is actually kinda fun and can be therapeutic.Are there any ATS poets? Im more of a sonneteer



Sonneteer is an archaic term for a poet who composes sonnets, though the individual may not necessarily write poetry exclusively in that particular poetic form. It is also used as a term of derision for a poet who is perceived as being minor or insignificant. Contemporary poets who compose sonnets often choose to refer to themselves simply as sonnet writers.

dictionary.babylon.com...

Hack would be more apt actually. If you havent tried writing one I would recommend it.Some girls like them and like I said it can be fun. Feel free to post a hack poem hey. Id like to read some ATS poems. I saw some pretty cool ATS haikus the other day when I was looking around on here. Never tried one of those.
edit on 27-4-2012 by Germanicus because: (no reason given)




posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:43 PM
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reply to post by Germanicus
 



I have written her a few poems trying to be romantic.

...good luck with that.



posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:43 PM
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There are a lot of poets on ATS. Check out the collaborative writing thread- great stuff there.



posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:47 PM
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I started to write some poems recently as well. They are good to release emotions.

I'm probably just ignorant and not a good poet but it seems like your poem is full of hatred, anger, violence and domination. I can't say as I'm not a woman but I don't feel like most women will be impressed by the masculine aggression bled through rhymes. I do think your ability to write is good though.
edit on 27-4-2012 by Epirus because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:48 PM
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Originally posted by smyleegrl
There are a lot of poets on ATS. Check out the collaborative writing thread- great stuff there.


Thanks for your post!!

I had been posting my poems in the wrong place. Good to know. Star



posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:49 PM
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reply to post by smyleegrl
 


Thanks hey. I will take a look.

Lots of interesting people here hey.



posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:49 PM
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reply to post by Epirus
 



I don't feel like most women will be impressed by the masculine aggression bled through rhymes

lol, I think the impression she's going to get from this one is... that he's a serial killer. That's the vibe I got anyway.



posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:50 PM
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reply to post by ChaoticOrder
 


Ha! My sonnet had a different feel


Im in a funny mood I guess.



posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:52 PM
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reply to post by Epirus
 


I agree,its a good release hey.

And thanks,Im a hack for sure though.



posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:53 PM
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reply to post by ChaoticOrder
 


Ha!

Im pretty nice really. Maybe I have an inner serial killer in there trying to get out.



posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:56 PM
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Originally posted by Germanicus
reply to post by Epirus
 


I agree,its a good release hey.

And thanks,Im a hack for sure though.


You aren't a hack, your writing is good. It's just not compassionate and it makes me a little uncomfortable. ( ripping out entrails, tearing souls apart, biting into hearts, becoming a god and tasting pain.) You're writing is not that of a hack, you paint the picture very well, it's just a disturbing picture. I'm not judging you...I just don't share the same vision, again, the writing is good.
edit on 27-4-2012 by Epirus because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 27 2012 @ 11:59 PM
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Originally posted by ChaoticOrder
reply to post by Epirus
 



I don't feel like most women will be impressed by the masculine aggression bled through rhymes

lol, I think the impression she's going to get from this one is... that he's a serial killer. That's the vibe I got anyway.


I got the same vibe.



posted on Apr, 28 2012 @ 12:01 AM
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reply to post by Epirus
 


Thanks man,I appreciate the compliment.

I will go with something a little softer next time.

I actually had a kinda bad day today,maybe thats it.



posted on Apr, 28 2012 @ 05:58 AM
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I definitely do not believe the woman whom you are writing for will perceive that poem as romantic. Maybe if her name is Squeaky or something. My intent is not to be harsh but direct. That is not romance, trust me. You probably need to stop watching the slaughter films.

If you want to go for something dark, not romantic, that seems fitting for you. Take my poetry for example; it is largely melancholic and perhaps categorized as dark romanticism.

THE GARDEN OF THE DEAD



I
Here I lay, anxious in my old bed
With thoughts of past inside my head
Fear and terror summarized as dread
Look, I see, the sheets have turned red
Wondering about how I am now dead.
II
It was my hands which robbed me of life
Gripping that long, sharp butcher’s knife
Finally concluding the awful internal strife
This transpired every day and every night
Awake I would in morning to the sunlight
Only to repeat that agonizing daily fight
Until I take my life with much delight.
III
Warned, I was, about that awful garden
My soul, I thought, such would harden
But rather it only did enough to sharpen
The point on that knife for my departing
Consuming its tip I assumed would pardon.
IV
Thinking back on the landscape dreary
Carved by wind and waves of fury
Of the trees that shed leaves in a hurry
Atop of which sat coffins of the buried.
The mountains sung praises to his glory
While the bushes bled quite gory
For every drop told its own story.
V
The moon rose full for illumination
Causing me a wonderful infatuation
Its surface on display for short duration
Before clouds of gray brought realization
I am actually lost inside a foreign nation.
VI
A voice called out to me from the darkness
“Come over here,” he said sounding in distress,
“Did you know this is the garden of darkness?”
With a look and sound of unnecessary duress
I replied, “Tell me how to leave this mess!”
The hidden figure began to laugh then proclaimed
“You may leave this place but only to be returned.”
VII
I rushed to confront this vile beast of lies
Hiding behind the darkness, veiling my eyes
Only to discover his figure was a disguise
As the moon began to lighten the night skies
Quickly upon the wall the shadow did arise.
VIII
“The trees shed leaves for every life lost;
If they fall to the ground there is a cost,
But if sent to the sea they are set free.
Those abandoned here must make plea
To he who holds sovereignty over thee.
He punishes all those that disagree
And can condemn all to endless agony.”
IX
Before I could interject he continued
“Now awake in your cozy little bed
And remove this memory from your head
For if you fail life shall be full of dread
It will haunt your mind until you are dead.”

I have only ever once tried my hand at romantic poetry (not the literary movement). My opinion of it is mixed.

UNTITLED



For the pen speaks what my lips cannot,
The quivering of my knees before you,
Testament to the love which envelops my soul.

Beauty, may I dare to call upon your name,
What do you think of the woman before me?
Could anything less than the work of angels,
Made a more voluptuous woman?


edit on 4/28/2012 by Misoir because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 28 2012 @ 06:05 AM
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reply to post by Misoir
 


Hey Misoir,I read one of your poems on a thread the other day that you posted in the 'Little man' thread. You are a nice guy.

That was just my mood today,I was just explaining that I wouldnt have written poetry if not for trying to impress this girl.
That one is just my mood this morning,I will pull a nicer one up.

Edit- I like your poem,you are no hack.

My romantic stuff has a woe is me feel to it usually(:
edit on 28-4-2012 by Germanicus because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 28 2012 @ 06:11 AM
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reply to post by Misoir
 


My first Sonnet

Sonnet Zero

Is my verse that of a poor sonneteer?
Do you feel my words or do they betray?
My first quatrain may not be very clear
My iambic pentameters at bay

And this is my first Shakespearean form
The rival poet I am not for sure,
My second quatrain may not be the norm.
Though my octave to you longs to implore.

But no words could do my dark lady just.
No Shakespeare,Marlowe its futility.
To draw my love theres no words that I trust
No poet enjoys that ability.

Some others feet are right but none love more
145 was tetrametre and poor (:



posted on Apr, 28 2012 @ 06:14 AM
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reply to post by Germanicus
 


I would like to help you out by drafting my own from which you may draw ideas. Unfortunately romantic poetry requires the poet to actually feel the emotion as personal or else it would simply be abstract, thus lacking any true force. I had attempted it before for a friend who needed a poem for his girlfriend, he liked it but I knew it was awful. You must be able to relate to the feeling of romance for your poetry to even be mediocre. Because I cannot (ever watch ‘The Big Bang Theory? I earned my nickname Sheldon for a reason) my poetry about romance will never work… which really frustrates me.



posted on Apr, 28 2012 @ 06:25 AM
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Originally posted by Misoir
reply to post by Germanicus
 


I would like to help you out by drafting my own from which you may draw ideas. Unfortunately romantic poetry requires the poet to actually feel the emotion as personal or else it would simply be abstract, thus lacking any true force. I had attempted it before for a friend who needed a poem for his girlfriend, he liked it but I knew it was awful. You must be able to relate to the feeling of romance for your poetry to even be mediocre. Because I cannot (ever watch ‘The Big Bang Theory? I earned my nickname Sheldon for a reason) my poetry about romance will never work… which really frustrates me.


I love the Big Bang Theory.

I like the episode where Sheldon tries to make a new friend. I love the bit where he is talking to the kid in the bookstore. Kids are so much nicer than adults hey.

I also like the one where he cant decide on an xmas gift. And Penny gives him the Spock autograph.

I am alot like Sheldon myself. Im not smart but I find people to be hard.

But I think you sell yourself short as far as romance goes.



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