Why does rudeness upset us so much ?

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posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 04:32 AM
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Originally posted by freespirit1
reply to post by InTheLight
 


If I may, I will try to explain rudeness:

When you tell someone to have a great day, and they say yeah and walk away.

Going out of your way to help someone and having them tell you that you suck.

Running your butt off for someone that doesn't appreciate you one bit.

Watching people throw stuff out of their windows (littering) and thinking nothing of it.

People leaving dirty diapers on picnic tables in parks.

Going camping and taking out 4 bags of garbage that aren't yours.

I can go on, would you like me to??? Sorry, these are some really sore points with me, I have more if you would like to hear



freespirit1
I think you did a great job explaining rudeness some of what you posted are sore spots with me also..But the poster that was asking about what rudeness is.. Knows what its all about they just came in to cause problems..But thanks again..peace.sugarcookie1




posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 11:57 AM
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post removed because the user has no concept of manners

Click here for more information.



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 01:45 PM
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Actually, when you see rude people, you should NOT chill out. Why? Because you're letting them get away with it, which is why they do it. No one holds them accountable for their rude actions. It is a symptom of a larger problem that our society has - LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY.

Certain people will crap on other people if they can get away with it. Once upon a time they couldn't. Not any more. No one cares. No one says anything. People are rude, they steal, they cheat, they do it because they know no one will hold them accountable.

People need to grow a pair and hold others accountable for their actions. See something, say something - to the offender. Don't bother calling TSA.



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 01:53 PM
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It's really your vulnerability that makes you angry. You feel used, violated, or disrespected. So it's really your vulnerability and the reaction to that vulnerability that get's you bent out of shape and has less to do with the with what the other person did or does.



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 02:01 PM
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Originally posted by cashvillian
It's really your vulnerability that makes you angry. You feel used, violated, or disrespected. So it's really your vulnerability and the reaction to that vulnerability that get's you bent out of shape and has less to do with the with what the other person did or does.


Wrong. People should not be agreeable to being used, violated or disrespected, period. If you think that behavior is acceptable, then you need help.



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 02:27 PM
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Originally posted by AwakeinNM

Originally posted by cashvillian
It's really your vulnerability that makes you angry. You feel used, violated, or disrespected. So it's really your vulnerability and the reaction to that vulnerability that get's you bent out of shape and has less to do with the with what the other person did or does.


Wrong. People should not be agreeable to being used, violated or disrespected, period. If you think that behavior is acceptable, then you need help.



Who said anything about being agreeable. If you feel violated or disrespected then you've put yourself in the vunerable postion to be violated or disrespected. And that's not just physically but mentally as well. If you're all mad and up in arms because somebody's rude then that's your mental weaknesss not theirs. I've worked with the public for going on 20 years and the way the public can act would have the average person who hasn't dealt in a public setting blowing their top but I'm too mentally strong give them the type of importance they're wanting by hollering and screaming. The biggest mistake is giving people you usually don't know way too much importance in your life by giving them the power to effect your emotions.



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 02:32 PM
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You really wanna know why rudness peeve's us so much?

It's all about respect and pecking order.
Rudeness is a sign that some one else does not consider you viable or a threat in any way.

It's a slap in the face.

If you were in prison it would be akin to assuming that you are a sex toy.
Your life and existence means nothing to a rude person.

This is why it is hard wired into most people to be offended by rudeness.

EDIT: in reply to other people, we really are not THAT evolved, we are still animals with base instincts, deal with it or become a hermit.
edit on 25-4-2012 by Raivan31 because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 02:45 PM
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Originally posted by cashvillian

Originally posted by AwakeinNM

Originally posted by cashvillian
It's really your vulnerability that makes you angry. You feel used, violated, or disrespected. So it's really your vulnerability and the reaction to that vulnerability that get's you bent out of shape and has less to do with the with what the other person did or does.


Wrong. People should not be agreeable to being used, violated or disrespected, period. If you think that behavior is acceptable, then you need help.



Who said anything about being agreeable. If you feel violated or disrespected then you've put yourself in the vunerable postion to be violated or disrespected. And that's not just physically but mentally as well. If you're all mad and up in arms because somebody's rude then that's your mental weaknesss not theirs. I've worked with the public for going on 20 years and the way the public can act would have the average person who hasn't dealt in a public setting blowing their top but I'm too mentally strong give them the type of importance they're wanting by hollering and screaming. The biggest mistake is giving people you usually don't know way too much importance in your life by giving them the power to effect your emotions.


Let's use your explanation in another scenario, but let's replace a phrase with another word:

"If you feel raped then you've put yourself in the vunerable postion to be raped."

Do you see the flaw in your argument? You suggest that when a woman is raped, it is because she is mentally weak? How is it different from being violated any other way?

You need your friggin head examined.

edit on 25-4-2012 by AwakeinNM because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 02:56 PM
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Originally posted by AwakeinNM

Originally posted by cashvillian

Originally posted by AwakeinNM

Originally posted by cashvillian
It's really your vulnerability that makes you angry. You feel used, violated, or disrespected. So it's really your vulnerability and the reaction to that vulnerability that get's you bent out of shape and has less to do with the with what the other person did or does.


Wrong. People should not be agreeable to being used, violated or disrespected, period. If you think that behavior is acceptable, then you need help.



Who said anything about being agreeable. If you feel violated or disrespected then you've put yourself in the vunerable postion to be violated or disrespected. And that's not just physically but mentally as well. If you're all mad and up in arms because somebody's rude then that's your mental weaknesss not theirs. I've worked with the public for going on 20 years and the way the public can act would have the average person who hasn't dealt in a public setting blowing their top but I'm too mentally strong give them the type of importance they're wanting by hollering and screaming. The biggest mistake is giving people you usually don't know way too much importance in your life by giving them the power to effect your emotions.


Let's use your explanation in another scenario, but let's replace one word:

"If you feel raped then you've put yourself in the vunerable postion to be raped."

Do you see the flaw in your argument? You suggest that when a woman is raped, it is because she is mentally weak? How is it different from being violated any other way?

You need your friggin head examined.


Whooooaaa having someone be rude to you and having somebody rape you are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Someone physically assaulting you is the line. They may be rude and talk but physically contacting is where rudeness ends. Women and for the most part anybody including you knows not to walk down a back alley with little lighting in a skeevy part of town. You know why. Because then they would leave themselves highly vulnerable. Now thats your principle. Keep yourself as far from being vulnerable as possible and the less affect they can have upon you.



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 03:02 PM
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reply to post by cashvillian
 


Perhaps, but you're saying that it is acceptable to disrespect people, correct? By condoning the behavior you are saying that I can be rude to you and you should be able to take it because you aren't "weak"? That people who get offended by it are in fact, weak?

I don't think you're going to get a lot of supporters here, if this thread gets any traction. Sorry.



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 03:06 PM
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Originally posted by InTheLight
reply to post by jerryznv
 


Not at all. Please explain the rules of rudeness.
here in lies the problem with most of humanity and their inability to associate with each other in a polite adult manner.

I assume your an adult of at least average intelligence. So that must mean you either being glib, passive agressive or I was mistaken on my assumption of your intelligence. If you are indeed of less than average intelegence I apologize.

Or, am I being glib?



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 03:29 PM
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Originally posted by AwakeinNM
reply to post by cashvillian
 


Perhaps, but you're saying that it is acceptable to disrespect people, correct? By condoning the behavior you are saying that I can be rude to you and you should be able to take it because you aren't "weak"? That people who get offended by it are in fact, weak?

I don't think you're going to get a lot of supporters here, if this thread gets any traction. Sorry.


I don't need it to get traction. Why because I'm confident in what I do and how I do it through practice and research. I'm not leaving myself vulnerable to what others say or think if that was the case the earth would still be flat and the sun would still rotate around the earth. And I wouldn't be on ATS researching the things that are against the grain from the norm. I'm not condoning anything. If your confident in yourself and your abilities then who cares what this person in front of you calling you names is saying. Talk is cheap. If I walked up to Kobe Bryant and said hey you can't play a lick of basketball do you really think he would even fix his mouth to even respond to what I said. You know why? Because he's made himself less vulnerable to questions about his game by thousands of hours in the gym and the thousands of shots he's made. Plus I probably couldn't even get close enough to him in the first place. That's the physical element. Now if somebody tell's me the same thing im more likely to get angry and offended because i've aloud myself to be way more vulnerable in that area i.e less confident because I haven't put in the work. You try to live in the best part of town you can afford? Why? Because you don't want you or your family vulnerable to crime that occurs in other areas. You put on your seat belt. Why? Because your less vulnerable to die in an accident or get a ticket from John Q Law. You become educated and you learn to deal with hardships in a mature and thought about way. Why? So if you find yourself in the position where someone is in your eyes being "rude" then your maturity, education, and common sense tells you to not even feed into it you've got bigger fish to spend your limited time and positive energy on.



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 05:00 PM
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Originally posted by AwakeinNM
Actually, when you see rude people, you should NOT chill out. Why? Because you're letting them get away with it, which is why they do it. No one holds them accountable for their rude actions. It is a symptom of a larger problem that our society has - LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY.

Certain people will crap on other people if they can get away with it. Once upon a time they couldn't. Not any more. No one cares. No one says anything. People are rude, they steal, they cheat, they do it because they know no one will hold them accountable.

People need to grow a pair and hold others accountable for their actions. See something, say something - to the offender. Don't bother calling TSA.


AwakeinNM
Anger is a natural response to feeling attacked, injured or violated. It's part of being human.. When something makes you angry, you feel excitement in your body and emotions. Your glands are pumping your blood full of the hormone adrenalin, preparing for fight or flight. You are full of energy, alert, ready for action for humans it's energy seeking expression.

I think a certain amount certain of anger is necessary to our survival..we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, I think its social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

I think its best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself.

Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger ive seen this right here on ATS in many threads..

Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.Life can be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you.peace,sugarcookie1



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 05:06 PM
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Rudeness,it is coming from a person who is only thinking of themselves and no one else.

Today,I rescued a woman from an elevator and she cussed me out for the elevator breaking down.


It was all I could do to remain calm.

All I said was,are you ok and have a nice day and sorry for the inconvenience.
Obviously she was a claustrophobic,but really?

After awhile you become numb to the rudeness,or I have .
I don't care what others think anymore,and if it infringes on my personal physical space or my property or family, thats another matter.

Karma works well from my experience.
I just sit back and smile.



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 05:21 PM
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Originally posted by Asktheanimals
People taking responsibility for their own emotional states?
Heresy! Blasphemy!
Great idea too.
I wish more people would take responsibility for everything in their lives.
The world would be a much better place but it would certainly disenfranchise a great many who make their living by convincing others things are always someone else's fault.

I know some people who cannot let go of their anger and refuse to see that they could change how they feel if they bothered to assert control.
It's sad really because it's disempowering when others can make you "jump" at their whim.


Asktheanimals
i wrote this to another member on this thread and i stand behind it 100 % and your right its disempowering when others can make you "jump" at their whim" !


Anger is a natural response to feeling attacked, injured or violated. It's part of being human.. When something makes you angry, you feel excitement in your body and emotions. Your glands are pumping your blood full of the hormone adrenalin, preparing for fight or flight. You are full of energy, alert, ready for action for humans it's energy seeking expression.

I think a certain amount certain of anger is necessary to our survival..we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, I think its social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

I think its best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself.

Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger ive seen this right here on ATS in many threads..

Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.Life can be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you.peace,sugarcookie1



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 05:29 PM
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An earlier poster posed the question "What is rudeness?". lol. I actually looked it up.

Miriam-Webster defines rude as:


1. a: being in a rough or unfinished state
2. : lacking refinement or delicacy
3. : marked by or suggestive of lack of training or skill

It was noted there that

rude implies ignorance of or indifference to good form; it may suggest intentional discourtesy.


I ran across an interesting article at Huffington Post by Dr. Douglas Fields, a neurobiologist


A disrespectful, stressful social environment is a neurotoxin for the brain and psyche, and the scars are permanent.

...In the natural world, as in the civilized world, it is stressful for individuals (people or animals) to interact with strangers, and also with other members of a working group and family members. As the size of the group increases, so do the number of interactions between individuals, thus raising the level of stress if not controlled by formal, stereotyped behavior, which in human society is called "manners." The formal "Yes, Sir, Yes, Ma'am," is not a showy embellishment in the military; strict respect and formal polite discourse are the hub of the wheel in any effective and cohesive social structure. ... but my point is that these polite and formalized behaviors reduce stress in a stressful situation that arises from being an individual in a complex society. Stress is a neurotoxin, especially during development of a child's brain.

Rudeness is a Neurotoxin

It appears civility is necessary for our mental well-being and proper brain development.

J
edit on 4/25/2012 by LadyJae because: poor grammar



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 05:37 PM
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Originally posted by kdog1982
Rudeness,it is coming from a person who is only thinking of themselves and no one else.

Today,I rescued a woman from an elevator and she cussed me out for the elevator breaking down.


It was all I could do to remain calm.

All I said was,are you ok and have a nice day and sorry for the inconvenience.
Obviously she was a claustrophobic,but really?

After awhile you become numb to the rudeness,or I have .
I don't care what others think anymore,and if it infringes on my personal physical space or my property or family, thats another matter.

Karma works well from my experience.
I just sit back and smile.


kdog,
Your right rudeness,it is coming from a person who is only thinking of themselves and no one else..
Your woman from an elevator is a classic case of rudeness,She immediately thought you were the reason for the breakdown ..Were was the logic? there was none she just popped off with anger without thinking..
And you did right by staying calm you worked it out so the problem didn't escalate out of control..
And your right about karma ..We receive what we give. That all our actions reflect back upon us.What comes around goes around..
thanks for replying to my post..peace,sugarcookie1



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 05:48 PM
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Originally posted by LadyJae
An earlier poster posed the question "What is rudeness?". lol. I actually looked it up.

Miriam-Webster defines rude as:


1. a: being in a rough or unfinished state
2. : lacking refinement or delicacy
3. : marked by or suggestive of lack of training or skill

It was noted there that

rude implies ignorance of or indifference to good form; it may suggest intentional discourtesy.


I ran across an interesting article at Huffington Post by Dr. Douglas Fields, a neurobiologist


A disrespectful, stressful social environment is a neurotoxin for the brain and psyche, and the scars are permanent.

...In the natural world, as in the civilized world, it is stressful for individuals (people or animals) to interact with strangers, and also with other members of a working group and family members. As the size of the group increases, so do the number of interactions between individuals, thus raising the level of stress if not controlled by formal, stereotyped behavior, which in human society is called "manners." The formal "Yes, Sir, Yes, Ma'am," is not a showy embellishment in the military; strict respect and formal polite discourse are the hub of the wheel in any effective and cohesive social structure. ... but my point is that these polite and formalized behaviors reduce stress in a stressful situation that arises from being an individual in a complex society. Stress is a neurotoxin, especially during development of a child's brain.

Rudeness is a Neurotoxin

It appears civility is necessary for our mental well-being and proper brain development.

J
edit on 4/25/2012 by LadyJae because: poor grammar


LadyJae
Thank you for the link i read it...I believe what Dr. Douglas Fields said in his post is right on track..I just sent the link to a friend of mine to read..thanks for posting,sugarcookie1



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 06:06 PM
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Well I just went to the casino today and I was standing in one of the aisles watching someone before I left, some old man comes from behind me and walks right into me and says you know this is a walkway right? I said yeah and I'm sorry, he had some snide remark then I said I'm sorry louder in case he didn't hear me..... Then he says I don't f***ing care if you're sorry! Since he had an attitude about him I said ya know what F you!!!!! Then he says he's going to get a hammer and bash me in the head with it when he comes back, talk about being rude lol...



posted on Apr, 25 2012 @ 06:51 PM
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reply to post by sugarcookie1
 


Going through a nasty divorce with kids taught me a great deal. I realized I could sink to a level where my ex and I hated each other openly and that would be bad for my kids. The only sensible thing was to let those emotions go and never speak badly to either of my sons about their mother (they still needed to get along with her). No point in putting children in the middle of an adult disagreement either.
Becoming sick and disabled was the other event that helped me to grow. There was no one to blame, it's just one of those things that "happens" to you - and you must decide if you're going to quit and be mad at the world or if you are going to get all the happiness you can from what you have. I could make a long list of things I used to love to do that can't do anymore but what use is there in that? I do the things I can and am content with that.

Life will pull you down if you let it - employers screwing your over, the government doing the same, neighbors driving you half mad - at a certain point you realize that you have the power to control how you react to these things. This allows you the coolness of mind to envision the most productive response that you can employ in your favor.
It is sometimes the only way to stay sane.
Does wonders for your blood pressure too.





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