Death to a Five Year Old....What to Say?

Greetings, ATS!

I have something of a quandary I’m hoping our esteemed members can help me solve.

Yesterday, while driving home from school, my five year old son asked THE question.

No, not about sex. He wanted to know what happens when we die.

Now, I’m an agnostic. I was raised in a loving Christian home, but as I’ve grown I’ve become aware of the plethora of problems with ALL religions. My husband and I do take our son to church on occasion; mainly because I think the majority of Christian principles are morally correct.

When my son asked THE question, I was at a loss as to how to reply. Should I take the easy out, and assure my son that when we die Heaven is where we go? Is this compromising my own unformed beliefs? What does my son need to hear in order to calm his fears?

Pressed to answer, I gave in and explained the Heaven thing. This reassured my son and he’s not mentioned it since.

So, any advice, ATS? How do you explain the reality of death to a five year old? Do you resort to religion just to calm their fears?

Really torn about this, so hopefully my friends here can share their experiences.

Thanks as always,

smylee

How about "No one really knows what happens." You cannot go wrong with the truth.

reply to post by smyleegrl

I would tell them they go to heaven and later in life when they experience death in their growing and learning (be it of a pet or a relative/friend) it will be easier to comprehend and deal with.

it also give them something to look forward to... it's a better way to go thru life imo as it also gives one respect for it in most every case.

reply to post by emberscott


That's true and normally I would agree.

I guess I should share some info about my son. Basically, he's afraid of everything. He has some sensory and vestibular issues which cause him to be overly cautious about everything. Would the "nobody knows?" scare him more? I know it kept me up at night several times...and still does.

Thanks for your advice.

Originally posted by SisyphusRide
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

I would tell them they go to heaven and later in life when they experience death in their growing and learning (be it of a pet or a relative/friend) it will be easier to comprehend and deal with.

it also give them something to look forward to... it's a better way to go thru life imo as it also gives one respect for it in most every case.

I feel the same... but that period of wrestling with the truth was very difficult for me. Of course, difficulties are what shape us into the people we become. He needs to discover the truth for himself, I suppose.

Thanks for the advice

legendary douple post. sorry

reply to post by smyleegrl

my sisters son is at that age... he is coming out of his shell though.

with boys I think this is a different thing? nightmares are the onset of it... where do these first nightmares come from is the bigger mystery imo also.

I would be cautious with public programming too... But I don't have kids which in a way is a sin in itself, but I don't want to leave my essence hanging around on the planet.

I'm headed out this time around!

Originally posted by smyleegrl
I feel the same... but that period of wrestling with the truth was very difficult for me. Of course, difficulties are what shape us into the people we become. He needs to discover the truth for himself, I suppose.

Thanks for the advice

but that's not the job of a parent to let them discover on their own... in many things not just about death.

be a good teacher and observe those around you who you would rather you son be or act like imo...

don't ask me man... I was told something when I was young and experienced the death of a 'human' who was very close to me... He was my teacher.

Yes you gave the right answer later on in life he will come to his own conclusions as to what happens from his own personal situations life has taught him. I feel kids today are influenced by peers and media and it is so wrong so i commend you for being a parent that listens and answers their questions with a simple answer life if very complicated as you know so good luck in future issues pertaining your child always be there for the kids cause that is our job as a parent and their is no right or wrong answer. PEACE

Honestly, I would rent or buy The Lion King and watch it with him. The circle of life is an excellent way to gently break the news. I did this (by accident meaning she asked the question while the movie was playing) with my step daughter many years ago. She still speaks of the circle of life when a family member or someone she knows passes through the veil.

reply to post by redbarron626


great idea. The lion king is one of his favorite videos. Thanks for the suggestion!

reply to post by redbarron626

the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe... the original cartoon movie is great.


it's a good way to teach

-------------

can't forget...

reply to post by smyleegrl


An iota of fear in mortality is natural. It is the root cause of self-preservation.

Consider, how would your personal frame of mind, mode of thought, have evolved if you, yourself, were not bound with false life and death concepts in your early developmental stages.

Predisposition.

Is there any individual truly designed to be programmed, predestined to exist in a loop of uncertain, ill defined ideology?

Self deprogramming, self destructing, is a difficult, dangerous, endeavor for any. Reprogramming, reconstructing is just as difficult and dangerous.

Allow the mind to be free.

Give the mind the untainted truth as the binding elements in its foundation and the structure will build itself accordingly. This is the natural course. With this the mind will evolve in free conscious.

Do you really have an honest desire to misinform your child? Do you desire your child to adhere to what you perceive as truth, knowing well that you are constricted by errant realities?

reply to post by smyleegrl


Did you ask your son,: why he was asking that question while you were driving home from school? or do you think it's a normal question for a five year old to ask?.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Children already know something comes after death, he wouldn't have asked that question if he didn't already sense something. His question means he has reached the age of accountability.

As for how to deal with it, you can be blunt and say "nothing happens after death, you croak and thats lights out for you for eternity" which would be true without our God Yeshua haMeshiach (Jesus the Christ).

Or you can tell them about Yeshua. Your kid wants someone to believe in. Your choice is to give him hope, or take hope away. This would be a sad world indeed without hope. I was agnostic myself once, he pushed me off the fence in his direction.

When it's your sons time to make his decision to believe or not, it will be his decision to make but at least give him an option in who to believe.

Originally posted by smyleegrl


So, any advice, ATS? How do you explain the reality of death to a five year old? Do you resort to religion just to calm their fears?

I don't know what your comfort zone is so I cannot be sure what would be best for your family but I can tell you what my 3-year old daughter knows about death.

My wife and I have explained death to her as simply the next step. She now understands that her body is just a temporary vessel like a car. You get in your car, go where you want to go, then get out. She also understands that death is not the end (and that there is no end) but instead just the clock reaching midnight again.

She believes these things because she knows of the tales told by people who have been there and back and she even understands that the dead contact us from other places. In fact, she has even seen the effects of my conjuring (we're a bit of a witchy family) and frequently sees her dead great grandfather (before she ever saw a picture).

I also explain to her the Holomovement physics model (as best as you can to a 3-year old) and she views all of the above as science and simply the way things are. We've shown her the sheer ridiculous size of the universe and realizes that she is made of the same star dust that generated from the big bang.

Her view on death is almost too healthy, however, and she has lovingly told me and my wife that she sometimes wishes we would die so she could "see us" from the other. To be honest, it's the first time somebody wished me dead and my response was "awwww, how sweet".

Again, it's all about you and your husband's comfort level. But the last thing a child needs to worry about when confronted by a dead loved one is whether or not that person is going to hell. Good luck and keep death fun!

All of my kids have asked what happens after death. I told them the only thing I could, I'm not dead yet so I'm not sure. But I did go on to explain how MOST people think they continue on after death, whether to heaven, be reborn on earth or somewhere else, Summerland, or the underworld. I told them basically what I was told, the after life is as much of a wonderland as life is.

My answers didn't shut them up about it though! They ask about ghosts, the devil, Santa, fairies, and all other manner of supernatural or unexplainable. More often than not my big answer is, "I don't know, I'm not dead yet!" Best to let them explore all manner of these things when they are old enough to seek the answers themselves. But that is just me.

reply to post by SisyphusRide

But I don't have kids which in a way is a sin in itself, but I don't want to leave my essence hanging around on the planet.

Not being able to have kids isn't a sin, where'd you get that hogwash? Some people are just sterile, thats just the way it is, and i am one of them. I'm not going to sit there and bemoan what is not my fault and what i can't help.

We're in the Tribulation, i wouldn't have kids if i could now. Whats coming is going to be bad enough without throwing children into the mix.

Originally posted by dontlaughthink
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Did you ask your son,: why he was asking that question while you were driving home from school? or do you think it's a normal question for a five year old to ask?.

He had a Betta fish named Mr. Pet (isn't that a great name). The fish died that morning. I think this probably had a lot to do with it.

Thank you all for the excellent advice. It means a lot, truly.