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How Do You Mend A Broken Heart?

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posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 05:59 AM
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My grand daughter's mother is abusing my grand daughter both physically and now mentally (calling her Stupid instead of her name).

My son only gets to see her for 48 hours every two weeks if his ex wife, my grand daughter's mother, complies with court rulings.

We've already spent $28,000 getting her to stop hitting my son when they meet at "the drop off point" and harassing our family, his fiance' and workplace.

Yes with his last good job, she got him fired, cutting her own throat, she would rather my son not have a job, so he cannot keep up with child support and thus with hold custody visitation.

In short, she is making my ten year old grand daughter's life hell. Last time my grand daughter was crying that her mother now calls her Stupid instead of Alexis (She has ADHD and bad eyesight).

We just got her glasses.

The system doesn't care, here in Illinois, the courts favor the women and we cannot keep affording to shell out money to lawyers.

My ex daughter in law is using my grand daughter to get back at my son as well as she herself is jealous that she never had a good home life. Her mother abandon her and her three other siblings when she was four because her (my ex daughter in law's) father was such a obnoxious person.

My ex daughter inlaw's father never wanted to see our grand daughter until he was on his death bed and she was two.

This Wednesday she will turn eleven and she has stated that the court will not talk to her until she is twelve.

She has always wanted to live with her father because, while he is strict with her, he is kind and raised her when she was a infant. They formed a bond normally the mother does because right after giving birth my ex daughter in law would work, and be "out" (going to school, seeing another man and helping her brother with his DJ business five-six nights a week. Basically my son took care of their daughter as a infant, until one night she disappeared with her for three months.

My question, how do you mend a broken heart?

How do you "fix" a child that is being abused and the system doesn't care, won't intercede, won't even talk to her until she is 12.

She has hit puberty and is quite pretty.

A child in today's world that does not have a solid base psychologically is at a big disadvantage.

We, the paternal grandparents only get to see her about once a month if that much.

Her maternal grandfather again is dead, never wanted to see her.

Her maternal grandmother wants nothing to do with her because she sees her daughter, my grand daughter's mother, has turned out like her father.

So, how do you mend a broken heart?




posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 06:14 AM
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reply to post by ofhumandescent
 



That´s quite the sad story.

I think the most important and urgent question is how do we get this child out of this situation?

Her heart will only mend over time if she is in a loving, caring, stable environment.

But with the law on the mother´s side I have no idea. Maybe call Child Protective Services to investigate?

It´s very sad to see that this kind off grief always seems to be passed on to the next generation by parents that had it bad as a child themselves.




Yes with his last good job, she got him fired, cutting her own throat,


Seriously, really cut herself? And this was not an indication for a court or child service that she might be unfit to have custody over the child. Or is this a figure of speech?
edit on 21-4-2012 by RandomEsotericScreenname because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 06:16 AM
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Try to give her a home without dispute when she is with you. Try to create a relationship where it is safe to discuss any feelings. Do not deny or smooth talk what is going on in her life. It is very much true for her, so covering with a blanket of love will make her feel her perception is less valid. Acknowledge her.

I do not think it is possible to mend a broken heart. People have as many hearts as the things and people they care for. Try and let her see and feel her other hearts as well and not let her only focus on the broken one.

This goes for everybody, by the way..


Love!



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 06:20 AM
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reply to post by ofhumandescent
 


If the mother is abusing her, and the child calls authorities on the mother every single time, then record will reflect this and the court may intercede in the father's favor.

If the child makes a habit of walking to the police station instead of going home after school, and saying that she would rather sleep on a bench around the safety of police officers instead of going home to her abusive mother, these reports will also be reflected and the court may intercede in favor of the father.

If the child brings the authorities into the equation at every opportunity she can, in favor for the father, then, the court may be forced to intercede.

Unfortunately, the child would need have motivation and commitment to doing such with the goal of bringing about a more favorable environment for her.

As a possible concession, the court may compromise with allowing the child to maintain residence with the grandparents (you).

Still, the child will have to participate and take some action to facilitate an early release from this abusive prison.



edit on 21-4-2012 by Druscilla because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 06:48 AM
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reply to post by ofhumandescent
 


its called CHILD SERVICES!

its pretty strange asking rando's on ATS about your personal situation instead of seeking out professional help....


Star and flag to raise attention..
edit on 21-4-2012 by Gwampo because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 06:56 AM
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reply to post by ofhumandescent
 


Awwww!!! What a mean women. I hope you can sort this all out and stop the abuse. I would recommend contacting child services as mentioned by the above poster, if you haven't already.



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 07:19 AM
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Unfortunantly, Social Services is often reluctant to remove a child from a home. I've discovered this when I've reported mental abuse.

For some reason, mental abuse isn't deemed as detrimental as physical abuse. What a crock.

OP, I agree with the other posters. Flood Social Services with calls. Contact her teacher and find out if her school work is suffering...possible evidence of a traumatic home situation. Have your son do the same.

As for helping your granddaughter, the best thing you can do is to simply love her. Let her know she's special, important, and worthy of love. Call her on the phone, send her emails, facebook messages, letters in the mail. Be a positive and nurturing influence.

If she's bottling up her emotions, encourage her to write them down in a journal or diary. This often helps people sort their thoughts and feelings and work through them.

Above all else, when she's with you or your son, keep her on a regular routine. Chaotic home life is detrimental to children, who often develop anxiety issues when there is a lot of uncertainty at home. When she's with you or your son, have a set family meal time, wake up time, bed time. Providing this type of nurturing environment will help.

My only other suggestion...if you feel its necessary, consider taking her to a counselor.

Oh, one more thing. Don't ask your granddaughter to "inform" on her mother. Don't discuss her mother negatively when she is present. This could cause her further heartbreak. Let your actions speak for themselves; she will quickly realize who is the 'reasonable' parent and who is vindictive and controlling.

Best wishes, hugs to you all...



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 04:46 PM
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reply to post by CriticalMess
 


My husband is saying exactly what you are saying that we be there for her and let her express what is going on in her life.

We, her father, my husband (grandpa) and me (grandma) have a very close relationship with her.

Tomorrow they come over so we can celebrate her 11th birthday (she will be 11 on April 25th).

She likes to go walking with the dogs and talk about "stuff" and is quite open about what is going on in her life.

She once said, she hates her mother and I told her (this was approximately two years back) "You will always love your mother because she is your mother but you may not like what she is doing or the choices she is making and that can create mixed feelings inside of you". She replied, "Yes and it's driving me crazy."

She is very level headed for such a young one having gone through so much.

It's not totally her mother's fault as she came from a really bad family background. Her mother walked out on them when she was four and her father raised them, and he was a alcoholic and just really one of the meanest people I have ever met. He is the only person, I have ever seen in a coffin, I didn't feel sorry for and I've seen my share of wakes and funerals. Her maternal grandmother (at our urging) started to become involved with our grand daughter but when she saw her daughter was trying to load off her daughter on her and had turned out like her ex-husband (the maternal grandfather) she stopped having anything to do with them.

One thing to understand is my ex daughter in law's favorite saying (from her father) was "get them before they get you" type of attitude and she would brag about stealing, lying, cheating, etc.....

Yes I know, why did my son pick her?

Well she was physically very beautiful, long thick blond hair, 110 pounds (soaking wet with a towel), small, big brown eyes, very pretty almost like a Brittany Murphy look.

Sad, because she is a lost soul, very hard hearted, not capable of being able to love because as a child she was not loved.

Thank you for your input, that's exactly what my husband says we should do.

We've tried talking to the court, several lawyers, child services - nobody believes me, but the system doesn't care. Nobody honestly doesn't care.

And we wonder why we have a whole generation of "lost souls".

Again, my son is the father and he says he's just documenting everything.



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 09:14 PM
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reply to post by ChaoticOrder
 


Yes we have contacted DCFS in Illinos and they simply are overloaded and don't care.

They won't consider speaking with my grand daughter until she is 12 and by then, the damage is done.

She is level headed and her and I have had heart to heart talks so hopefully that will help.

Thank you for your reply and care.
edit on 21-4-2012 by ofhumandescent because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 09:21 PM
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reply to post by RandomEsotericScreenname
 


No, we had to pay $1,500 USD to make her stop calling his workplaces and fiance'.

My son is not a saint, but he at least does not abuse Lexie psychologically.

Thank you for your input.

I am beside myself at the moment so keeping my comments to a minimum.

God, I love my grand daughter so much.

I would gladly give my life so she could have a easier life. So much stuff for such a sweet (and she is a sweet, kind thinking soul) to have to endure.

But starred and thank you for your input.
edit on 21-4-2012 by ofhumandescent because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 09:23 PM
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reply to post by Gwampo
 


In Illinois, they are over loaded and don't care.

Psychological abuse has to be "proven" and yet they won't talk with Alexis until she is 12.

April 25th she turns 11.

Thank you for your input.



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 09:26 PM
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reply to post by ChaoticOrder
 


We have in the past contacted child services and 1) They are overloaded 2) Don't care and 3) With psychological abuse you have to prove it and the court will not speak with Alexis until she is 12.

Thank you for your care and response.



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 09:29 PM
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reply to post by smyleegrl
 


One additional thing, we as the Paternal grandparents are not allowed to know where she is currently living, where she goes to school, or any part of her mother's private life.

The father is open for all scrutiny, but the mother can maintain a hidden itentity, a hidden address, a hidden everything.

We live in Illinois.................very backward state.



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 09:30 PM
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Isn't she already at the age where she can choose which parent to live with?

If she isn't, I would suggest buying her a recorder, one of the ones you can like sow into her jacket or jeans pocket or something. Have her record this wench saying terrible things and abusing her.

See how the court likes that. I'll agree they will side with the mother if there is no evidence of abuse in court. That's where your focus should be IMO.

If she's of sound mind and "older" mentaly than she should be, request a meeting with the judge to discuss custody options, have him talk to her alone, without parents and "normally" they will respect the wishes of the child if they are deemed competent.

Just a few ideas having dealt with family court myself, although in Canada ( and for by husband's kids) there are always ways to game the system to your advantage.

~Tenth



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 09:35 PM
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Update: Mother has decided to not comply with court ruling that we get to see and celebrate Lexie's birthday this weekend, Sunday April 22, 2012.

It's a conspiracy, a scam my ex daughter in law has bought into.

If she had just let this divorce be a civil, nice, no hate divorce, I would have given her the town house we own.

Anything for my grand daughter.

But her mother wants to fight, to give all her money and ours to lawyers.

Because of her excess baggage, her being abandon by her mother, and raised by a alcoholic, mean father she would rather fight, enjoys fighting, using her own baby as a pawn rather then just doing what's best for my grand daughter.



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 09:41 PM
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reply to post by Druscilla
 


The court, the "system" refuses to even recognize my grand daughter until she is twelve.

Get it - Nobody will talk with her (even though I offered $10,000) until she is twelve.

The system doesn't care, is over loaded and wants children who have no family ties - makes for a good worker drone.

This is one mf of a conspiracy - almost 50% of kids are like this now.

Think it's just coincidence?

No, worked in a high powered office, and nothing gets past TPTB. They want the younger generation to not have family ties...................that is the only thing that truly holds humanity together.

The heart of humanity, the family is being dismantled.

A whole generation of lost souls, worker drones.



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 09:44 PM
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reply to post by Druscilla
 


I have asked the court on numerous occasions to simply talk with Alexis, to no avail.

The "system" does not recognize her as a individual until she is twelve.

Before the age of twelve Alexis is property of her biological mother................no matter that her father raised her for her first two years.

Thank you though for your input.

Starred/



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 09:46 PM
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reply to post by Gwampo
 


I have gone through so many avenues that there is no where else to go.

Simply a database record that years after I utter my last breath my grand daughter may see this and know I loved her with all my heart and soul yet could do nothing to rescue her.

Child services..........a big F#$@ing joke.

They are over loaded and don't give a flying leap.



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 10:00 PM
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reply to post by tothetenthpower
 


No, in Illinois the age is twelve and April 25th - 4 more days - she turns 11.

The state will not even talk to her although I have offered $10,000.

Any more questions?

Now ask yourself, what is the strongest tie in human relationships?

Family.

Why break that up????????

Ask yourself, review that single thought.

ATS is a conspiracy site...........................break up the family and you break up the center of humanity.



posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 10:02 PM
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reply to post by ofhumandescent
 


I completely understand your frutration and your hurt in this problem you and your family are having.

But don't let the rage take over, you'll only make matters worse. You and your son must be the cooler heads in these sorts of conditions. If she is out to get your son ( as I think she is) then he is one dumb mistake from being screwed even harder.

~Tenth




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