Worst relationship story ever: Friend's father ran off with his fiancee

This is about as low as it gets (outside of actual incest, I guess).

Friend of mine has been engaged for about 2 months, was very happy. He was going with the woman he was engaged to for almost three years before they decided to get married. Then one day out of the blue she disappears. Turns out she was having an affair with the father of my friend, and the two of them vanished together. There have been a few messages saying they are "happy together" but they are in "hiding" because they fear the wrath of this guy, not to mention his mother. As they should.

What is wrong with people, anyway?

Better or worse than having your wife sleep with your brother and then having her accuse him of raping her instead of owning up to the affair which sets off a chain of events which ultimately leads to you losing everything and her being painted as the victim?

Originally posted by SwissMarked
Better or worse than having your wife sleep with your brother and then having her accuse him of raping her instead of owning up to the affair which sets off a chain of events which ultimately leads to you losing everything and her being painted as the victim?

Wow.

Are you involved in this story?

If so, that's too much suffering for one person....

I am so very sorry.

reply to post by FailedProphet


Yikes. That might actually be worse.

Originally posted by SwissMarked
Better or worse than having your wife sleep with your brother and then having her accuse him of raping her instead of owning up to the affair which sets off a chain of events which ultimately leads to you losing everything and her being painted as the victim?

Geez,that's definately worse.Sadly though it probably happens a lot.I hope that hasn't happened to you.

As for the op,that sucks too.I'd want to kill them both.

Originally posted by SilentThundersGF

Originally posted by SwissMarked
Better or worse than having your wife sleep with your brother and then having her accuse him of raping her instead of owning up to the affair which sets off a chain of events which ultimately leads to you losing everything and her being painted as the victim?

Wow.

Are you involved in this story?

If so, that's too much suffering for one person....

I am so very sorry.

I really wish I could say "no... it was a 'friend' of mine it happened to"... but I'd be lying... and after all the lies I've been told over the last decade you may find this hard to believe... but I'm not a real big fan of deceiving anyone about anything at all ever...

I also wish I could say "I don't love her and don't want her to get help and come home" but my religious beliefs coupled with the fact that I made a covenant with God preclude me from doing so...

I realize in this day and age most view marriage as nothing more than a legal agreement that has all sorts of loopholes and escape clauses... I unfortunately can not force myself to be intentionally ignorant to the ramifications of trying to trick Omnipotence...

reply to post by SwissMarked


IT is admirable that you view marriage as sacred, but she would use this against you.

I don't think the Creator would hold it against you for cutting this one loose.

People can be so cruel.

I worked with a wonderfully kind, caring older lady who was married to a preacher. They always seemed to have the perfect marriage. He sent her flowers regularly, would drop by to take her to lunch, the whole nine yards.

On their 50th wedding anniversary, he left her for their daughter's best friend.

Hugs to you all,
smylee

reply to post by FailedProphet


People can certainly do things sometimes that leaves me speechless. My examples are not near as bad as the OP's but, while in high school (many many years ago) my sister slept with my boyfriend. A few months later, my cousin slept with my step dad. YUCK!

Those were weird times.

Originally posted by silent thunder
reply to post by SwissMarked

 

IT is admirable that you view marriage as sacred, but she would use this against you.

I don't think the Creator would hold it against you for cutting this one loose.

It's an altogether horrible situation that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy or even those enabling her that only know the "woe is me he's a monster" side of the story...

I'd written a book about it that came in a little over 50,000 words... then deleted it all because I didn't want to throw her under the bus... it's not as though I couldn't write an even better and longer version if I chose... but at this point if we are heading for divorce I really don't want her profiting in the least from all the pain she's caused me and my daughter and continues to on a daily basis and most likely will for the foreseeable future...

There are two books that bring me comfort (at times) in the Bible more than any other and I suppose it's because I relate to them so well... those of course being Job and Hosea...

While I believe in my heart of hearts that God would forgive me for walking away from her I don't want to see her continue down the path she's been because it's not so much a path as it is a spiral that she for whatever reason (anosognosia?) can't see she's stuck in...

It's difficult trying to balance the "forgiveness" parts of the Bible and the "do onto others" aspects as well as the "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, til death do you part" with just wanting to wake up in the morning and feel some semblance of happiness for myself after 9 years of hell, 10 years of marriage, and 11 years of a relationship...

I just know that if I had the issues she has... and I was constantly making the reckless and irresponsible decisions she is I would want her to stand by me and see me through the storm... so even though she's the one that abandoned me... is from what I'm hearing sleeping with both of the guys that live in the house she moved into along with her employee... I for whatever reason don't want to stop throwing her a lifeline even though 9,999 times out of 10,000 I know she's going to toss it to the side just to spite herself...

She needs help... I know that I can't help her or convince her to get help because I've tried every way I possibly can to get it for her... I can only pray that eventually God will send her an undeniable sign... something that she won't be able to doubt... something she won't be able to chalk up to "coincidence"... something she won't be able to ignore even if she tries her hardest to remain intentionally ignorant...

I see signs all day every day that I should continue putting up the Good fight... maybe I am looking absurdly hard to see them as some have pointed out... but as I've said... all I know is that if I was throwing away my life with reckless abandon... tossing away everything good I'd ever had in my entire life... alienating my child to the point that she no longer wants to even hear my name... I would hope someone would jump in and slam on the brakes to stop the slow motion car wreck that my life would be...

I can only pray someone more qualified than I will do it for her... because God knows I've tried and failed miserably at every turn...

reply to post by SwissMarked


She's a sociopath/psychopath, straight up. No question about it. You will never "change" this kind of person. You will never "reform" them. They cannot be "helped." If they get into trouble due to their sociopathy its their own fault and all you will do is hurt yourself. They look human but might as well be robots on an emotive/moral level.

Trying to help her in any way would be like sticking your fingers into an industrial-strength steel rotor fan. You will just end up losing your fingers and the fan will not slow down or stop.

Originally posted by silent thunder
reply to post by SwissMarked

 

She's a sociopath/psychopath, straight up. No question about it. You will never "change" this kind of person. You will never "reform" them. They cannot be "helped." If they get into trouble due to their sociopathy its their own fault and all you will do is hurt yourself. They look human but might as well be robots on an emotive/moral level.

Trying to help her in any way would be like sticking your fingers into an industrial-strength steel rotor fan. You will just end up losing your fingers and the fan will not slow down or stop.

That right about sums it up perfectly... everything is always "my fault"... when I tried to point out that she needs help and is a million times better on pills I was "being controlling and manipulative"... when she was threatening to hurt herself and saying "I just wish I was with my father" (who happened to pass away in 2003) I told her that if she didn't seek help on her own I'd have to do things I didn't want to do to get her help... when she asked "like what" she literally immediately flipped the table on me and used it all against me...

If it weren't for the fact that we are married and have a daughter that is the light of my life I'd have cut her out of my life a long... long... long time ago...

I made the mistake of saying years ago that "if I have to live a lifetime of hell in exchange for an eternity of bliss I'll die a happy man"... unfortunately she seems to thrive on making certain it plays out exactly in that manner...

reply to post by SwissMarked


I still think you need to escape somehow.

People like that seek out people with attitudes like yours, you know. They can smell it, like a predator. They latch on to you like a parasitic hookworm.

The Book of Job has already been written. No need to re-write it with your life...

reply to post by FailedProphet


At least it happened before the marriage, and any kids resulted...boy that would have been tricky...would the kids call him Grandpa or Stepdad...???

Serious violation of the bro code...