You cannot get joy. That is the deception. You are joy, you take it everywhere you go. If you expect joy to come from 'out there' you will always
be chasing it. When you realize joy is your natural state it seeps out of you and pervades everything.
And yet, it appears that the self's biggest fear is to not exist anymore.
Considering that, it's interesting that giving up one's ego results in peace.
I go back and forth between wanting that and liking myself too much to give up my inner identity. I felt it fading away a few times, against my will,
and it was scary.