Moms: I cannot afford to work!!

If everyone could please post civilly it would be much appreciated.

This is an important topic that deserves more than to have a bunch of "post removed" images all over it.

Come on folks.

Originally posted by BrittanyLea
It amazes me how quick people are to judge. "well you should have never had kids in the first place" REALLY? That's your answer? So many people lose their jobs every day. So many fathers and even mothers walk out on their families every day.

Not only that, but it's really irritating that several of us have stated that we are stay at home moms because it makes since financially AND that we are NOT on welfare. That's mostly what the article was about, and still people keeping coming into the thread without reading the article or the previous comments and chiming in with "You shouldn't have had kids you lazy welfare moms!"

I don't think this thread was about moms complaining and begging for welfare. It was about the fact that it's sometimes a smarter choice financially for a mother to stay home with the children while the father works outside of the home, if it is a two parent family.

Spot on BrittanyLea,as a single dad with 3xyoung Daughters to raise and a 7days/week job.You and most of the other stay at home Mum's choose the right path to raising your children.I to am currently deciding which path is better to take?

Originally posted by ColoradoJens
reply to post by selfharmonise

 

Mmmhmmm. Again, so if I save $12 dollars I'm all good to go? Got it.

CJ

You're arguing contradictory points in different posts.

That makes me think you're just here to argue.

Originally posted by ColoradoJens
reply to post by ~Vixen~

 

What? Again, where in the world would you get any inkling I would be happy about your personal loss? And again, what does your giving of your time have anything to do with having children?

Your callous and hostile attitude towards anything I say or do would be the first indication. Your replies seem to imply that anyone with a different opinion is scum, and that we're not worthy of having an opinion unless it coincides with your beliefs.

Edit to add: If you are doing charity work to make yourself feel better than you may want to rethink the point of it. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

You're right, it's not about me. I've never asked for anything back for my donations. Knowing I'm helping others is rewarding, however it seems that some people look down on us for caring, and more so for actually taking steps to help others. Maybe the world would be a batter place if we all just minded our own business?

Edit to add: Perhaps it was you that helped us in deciding NOT to go to Children's Hospital for our treatment. Nasty know it alls who "give" their time while expecting people to bow at their feet all the while they secretly feel pity for those they are helping. Sheesh.
CJ:

Exactly where did I insinuate that anyone had to bow down to my feet? What did I do that was "nasty?" Since when is having an opinion being a know it all? I give because it's right, not because I expect anything back. It's called caring about people.

If you want to boycott Children's Hospital because a woman that cares about kids is credentialed there, then that's your call, but all things considered, I'd say that such a decision, based on malice rather than quality and service, would be irresponsible.

I stated that people should plan responsibly. If you feel that I'm wrong, what do you propose should be done in lieu of that?

reply to post by selfharmonise


Nope. Responding to the person who said they save $440k for their kids - as if that is realistic. It is not.

CJ

reply to post by ~Vixen~


You brought up your charity work. You said all you get is grief? Then don't do it. Your attitude is eletist. As I pointed out with links, many, many people who have become successful were born into poverty.

Secondly, no, I thank God we made the decision we did - we worked with professionals who WANTED to help us.
It made ALL of the difference in the world. Have a nice day.

CJ

Originally posted by ColoradoJens
reply to post by selfharmonise

 

Nope. Responding to the person who said they save $440k for their kids - as if that is realistic. It is not.

CJ

And she qualified that. As did I.

We both stated it was a responsible act to provide some financial stability prior to deciding to have children.

As I said before, her only mistake was stating the amount she felt was enough for her personally.

That gave inverted snobs on the site a handy stick to seek to beat her with.

But in some posts, you're arguing the same point, but you have a personal issue that this woman has worked hard and has money. And you're focusing on that.

Step away from the keyboard and engage your brain rather than your emotional centre.

Reread your posts - they do contradict.

Originally posted by ColoradoJens
reply to post by ~Vixen~

 

You brought up your charity work. You said all you get is grief? Then don't do it. Your attitude is eletist. As I pointed out with links, many, many people who have become successful were born into poverty.

Secondly, no, I thank God we made the decision we did - we worked with professionals who WANTED to help us.
It made ALL of the difference in the world. Have a nice day.

CJ

I brought up my charity work because I feel it illustrates that I'm NOT the monster you're trying to make me out to be. I don't get grief in real life about helping others, JUST HERE, IN THIS THREAD, MAINLY FROM YOU.

My question is what have I said that makes me "elitist?"

You assume that I don't understand what it's like to not have money, but that's NOT the case. I come from a middle class family that lived comfortably, but certainly not lavishly. After high school I moved out and supported myself. I know what it's like to have to walk to work because I couldn't afford a car. I know what it's like to slave at a low paying job just to keep a roof over my head. To have to choose between powdered mac n cheese or ramen noodles for the next week. I've been there, it's not fun, and I don't feel that that is a good type of situation in which to raise a family. Do you?

If you review my comments, I never said having a child requires huge amounts of cash, but in my opinion responsible planning should entail at least some sort of nest egg to enure that the kids are provided for. There is no universal financial figure to quantify eligibility for parenthood. The appropriate amount will vary from person to person based on our circumstances, living requirements and obligations.

You keep bringing up $400k. It's a lot of money, but let me ask you, if you have a child born with serious medical issues, shouldn't you try to put as much aside as possible for them? How much is "too much?" THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH WHEN IT COMES TO OUR FAMILIES. If you had the money, would you sacrifice a years income for that child? Of course you would. In my case a couple hundred thousand bucks allowed me to spend 3 months with my daughter. If I could buy another 3 months by sacrificing everything I have in this world, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I never want others to have to suffer what I went through, so I donate time to help them. To spare them from that pain. I entered the medical field to help families, but judging by your comments, you seem to think that by virtue of my advocating family planning I'm greedy, self centered and unprofessional. That's insulting.

Somehow you think that I'm an elitist for asking that people stop, think, and plan before they run off and start having kids. I just don't understand how that's a bad thing.

reply to post by selfharmonise


You constantly tell people to reread posts. What's with your attitude? You made an excellent post earlier, and I simply commented on it saying how I agree,and then restated what I agreed with. Instead of being cool with that, you tell me to reread because you had already said that. What's with you?

Originally posted by selfharmonise

Originally posted by ButterCookie
reply to post by selfharmonise

 

Not weird at all. In fact, its the way that I believe. Reproduction should be regulated; its not a right, its a privilege, and with all privileges, they are made to be revoked if not done responsibly.

I think that's the point I made.

Reread my post.

No kidding its the 'point you mad'....duuhhh...I was applauding your comment,and specifying why I agreed.

Why are you creating negativity and disdain in this thread??

I wanted to state how I agreed with the point that regulating reproduction is a positive thing, even though many find it in a negative light. It ensures the well-being of children, and prevents them from being born in poverty.

reply to post by ButterCookie


I had said that expecting to have a right to procreate was weird thinking.

You said it wasn't weird at all in your post in reply to me after it. Meaning to me that you don't think it's abnormal to think its a right to procreate.

Sorry to say it again, but read your post and see if you can see where I am coming from with that.

If a simple comment gets you upset like this....then I apologise if you have had a bad day.

Originally posted by selfharmonise
reply to post by ButterCookie

 

I had said that expecting to have a right to procreate was weird thinking.

You said it wasn't weird at all in your post in reply to me after it. Meaning to me that you don't think it's abnormal to think its a right to procreate.

Sorry to say it again, but read your post and see if you can see where I am coming from with that.

If a simple comment gets you upset like this....then I apologise if you have had a bad day.

There you go again with telling people to reread posts...

Sorry that your day is so bad that you took offense to me applauding your comment. It seems as if you are looking for a punching bag on ATS. Just post your comments and be civil. Everyone else is..

Chill out..

reply to post by ButterCookie


I am not the one flaming.

If you cant acknowledge the post that you made, made no sense, then thats your issue.

I have explained myself and you have typed an emotional response.

So, it remains your issue.

If you have a problem with me, then simply put me on "ignore" in your head.

I am sure you can manage that.

Originally posted by Djarums
If everyone could please post civilly it would be much appreciated.

This is an important topic that deserves more than to have a bunch of "post removed" images all over it.

Come on folks.

We're still on the same page and I see members bickering instead of discussing the topic.
Further such bickering and off topic post will be removed ....and if it still continues, the possibility of temporary posting bans exists.

You are responsible for your own posts.

We expect civility and decorum within all topics - Please Review This Link.

This is insane. None of this has anything to do with the OP. This is just turning into a thread for some to tell others that they aren't doing their parenting the "right way". Give it a rest. I think everyone should go back and read the OP.

Originally posted by BrittanyLea
This is insane. None of this has anything to do with the OP. This is just turning into a thread for some to tell others that they aren't doing their parenting the "right way". Give it a rest. I think everyone should go back and read the OP.

That's what I was thinking too. People have issues with reading comprehension around here. The family mentioned in the article doesn't get welfare so I'm not even sure why people are bringing that up. They simply made the choice to have the mother stay home because child care fees would simply wipe out most of the profits from a job. I don't see anything wrong with that. Unless people are whining because they aren't working and they everyone should work. They seem to be doing just fine with regards to their finances otherwise she wouldn't be able to stay home. People think raising a kid is insanely expensive, college is, but if you know what you are doing kids aren't that expensive. I breast fed my baby, so I can tell you that cut out a lot of the cost right there. Sometimes learning to say no will cut your costs too.

I think it's just people looking down on the poor (even though the family in the mentioned OP is far from poor). Hating the poor is as American as monster trucks and chocolate covered bacon. They think poverty is some kind of death sentence.

Originally posted by antonia

Originally posted by BrittanyLea
This is insane. None of this has anything to do with the OP. This is just turning into a thread for some to tell others that they aren't doing their parenting the "right way". Give it a rest. I think everyone should go back and read the OP.

I think it's just people looking down on the poor (even though the family in the mentioned OP is far from poor). Hating the poor is as American as monster trucks and chocolate covered bacon. They think poverty is some kind of death sentence.

edit on 24-4-2012 by antonia because: added something

I don't know how using this quote scmalaacky works-
but on a serious note, I agree and I just wanted to say that hating the poor is not just an American invention...
Aussies do a pretty good job hatin' on the less-than's also...
it's tall poppy syndrome and elitism all rolled into one big bundle of not-understandingness...
unless you've been there you aint gona understand the mindset.

Wag

I think that many are confusing a call for responsible planning with hate, elitism and class warfare.

For those that have kids:

- Did you save money before your children were born?

- Did you stockpile diapers/supplies before your kids were born?

- Did you purchase a crib, bassinet, highchair, etc. before your child was born?

- Prior to delivery, did you discuss the health of your baby with your doctor?

- Did you make arrangements at work for maternity leave?

- Did you adjust your budget to ensure that your bills were met while out on maternity?

**********
If you've done ANY of the above, you took steps to plan for your child arrival. ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE PLANNING, just in varying degrees.

Do you believe that someone who is homeless and penniless should be having a child at that juncture in their life? They have a right to, but I don't feel that it's prudent to do so until they can't provide for that childs basic needs. That's NOT hating or elitism.

You don't have to be a millionaire or mortgage your home in preparation, but wouldn't you agree that you should at least take *some* precautionary measures to ensure that when your kids were born they had a roof over their head and food to eat?

reply to post by ~Vixen~


Again, what does this have to do with the OP? These are people who just decided that child care was too expensive to keep using it so they chose not to work.

The reason people are calling you elitist is because you are on your soapbox harping about something that has nothing to do with the OP. These people are obviously in an ok position if one of them is able to stay home.

Originally posted by ~Vixen~
I think that many are confusing a call for responsible planning with hate, elitism and class warfare.

For those that have kids:

- Did you save money before your children were born?

- Did you stockpile diapers/supplies before your kids were born?

- Did you purchase a crib, bassinet, highchair, etc. before your child was born?

- Prior to delivery, did you discuss the health of your baby with your doctor?

- Did you make arrangements at work for maternity leave?

- Did you adjust your budget to ensure that your bills were met while out on maternity?

**********
If you've done ANY of the above, you took steps to plan for your child arrival. ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE PLANNING, just in varying degrees.

Do you believe that someone who is homeless and penniless should be having a child at that juncture in their life? They have a right to, but I don't feel that it's prudent to do so until they can't provide for that childs basic needs. That's NOT hating or elitism.

You don't have to be a millionaire or mortgage your home in preparation, but wouldn't you agree that you should at least take *some* precautionary measures to ensure that when your kids were born they had a roof over their head and food to eat?

Maybe you should start a new thread? All of your posts are completely off topic. No one sees anything wrong with saving money before having a child. It's just that you're insinuating that the people in this article should have done so, when that wouldn't have made a difference. The point is that there was no profit in working.