p.s sorry for bad grammar. just deal with it
I post this because I have wanted to get it off my chest I guess for a while now.. I can't really say anything to friend or anyone else about it
because I guess I feel like I don't get feedback.. Or understanding, or maybe even a simple try to understand. So I am posting it on here whether
anyone reads it or not.. But just for the simple fact of explaining. Now some of my story actually has questions for anyone who wants to answer.
Well to start it off lets go back to the 5th grade area. At this time I got my very own computer (I was pretty spoiled, we will get to more of that
later). I was very excited for this computer, it was a hot wheels computer ^^. Well when I was in 5th grade the twin towers fell.. I can remember to
this day going to the library during school and watching the television and wondering how they actually fell.. Something told me what was going on
wasn't right so I did my own research.. And around the 6th grade I was up to par with the whole 9/11 conspiracy.
Since I had my own computer it was also in my room. Most of my younger years I grew up a misfit.. I never knew why people never liked me.. I dressed
the best in the school, had the nicest shoes, was a very calm kid (a bit add but w/e). So I kinda grew up alone, except for my friends on video games
(Tibia if anyone even knows about it ^^). The only friends I had was either on this game or I swam with them. I had been a competition swimmer since
3rd grade. Well this whole no friends but video games stage went on until about the 11th grade. I changed high-schools, and I actually made a lot of
friends.. Close friends that is who are still with me today.. Now ever since the 6th grade I have wanted to be a computer engineer.. Let me throw that
out there very early on..
After that year of schooling and making friends I became a much different person. This school was much larger than the one I had been attending. So my
social skills and my confidence level had grew considering I was always picked on because how small I am and how I was very complacent and just dealt
with it. The reason I changed schools was because at my other school I pretty much made the swim team.. Meaning I was the only one on it and the very
first.. The creator to be exact.. When I changed schools I was the MVP on a team of about 30 people.
After my sophomore year I changed back over to my original high-school to graduate with the kids who I didn't care about but grew up with. I was
INSTANTLY popular. To the girls I was highly attractive and to the other "cool kids" I was obviously the one to hang with because the girls wanted me.
But truthfully I didn't care about them, I never gave these guys or women the time of day because these were the same people making fun of me two
I actually had scholarships for full rides to two colleges for swimming but didn't take them due to being burnt out (major mistake number one)
So around the time of graduation on until after 1 1/2 years of college I was dating this girl who actually broke my heart. In this time though I made
a friend that I would kill anyone for. I was going to college to become a computer engineer just like I had always wanted to be, but I was lazy. I had
always had everything handed to me by my mom (we weren't rich, just my mom liked buying everything). I partied too much and was flunking out of school
(major mistake number two). To be quite honest I had no respect for anything. I was the type person in high-school that wouldn't do anything.. But
when things got serious and my teachers sat down with me and told me I needed a 95 on the exam to pass the class I would make a 102.. I knew my
intelligence and was over confident.
My first year of college I went to a university and after that I went to a community college for a little while. By the time I got to community
college was about the time I was destroyed by my gf. After that long of dating I found out she had cheated on me with several guys, and this being my
first love.. It was my first person to destroy me.
So I started hating where I grew up because of so many memories I had built up there with her.. So I quit my schooling and moved to another state just
to free myself from what state I was in. I moved into a national park and worked in a resort. (mistake/not number three) Now I would never take the
move to this place back but I wish I would have continued schooling. See, on my 1/2 year of schooling in a community college that I went to was paid
for by my grandfather with cash. But here is the crazy part, my grandmother conned me out of the $1600 and wrote the school a bad check. So now I owe
the school $1600 out of my pocket before I can pay them $1600 to go back again. My grandmother blames it on me when I had no clue this happened. (She
has a majoorrr gambling problem). Well fast forward about two years of "finding myself" I guess at this national park and learning a lot I quit my job
for a job with a lot more money. I sold out
. This job didn't last too long because the economy and a few other things which got me laid off. In
the process I was busting my ass to save up for school because how bad I wanted to go back now..
Well I finally got the money saved up for school and lost it all.. My wisdom teeth (2 to be exact) got infected and I had to pay out of pocket, which
was about 1000 with no insurance. So no more school for then
After I lost my job I met this girl, she seemed wonderful. I finally got over my ex with her.. I finally got over my greed with her.. I finally became
free from things I let weigh in on me that I havent explained to you guys because we would be here all week.
So about a month and a half ago I got a job at a plant, when I broke the news to my gf she told me she was moving back to her home town ( an hour
away) she asked me if I was going to immediately move with her. I told her I would have to see how this job was going to work out before I fully
moved. She agreed it was fine and whatever. In the first week of work she told me I had to either quit my job, give up my dream of going back to
school, and basically have no job and live off her grandmother or I could keep my job and my dream and lose her.
I chose the job and the dream.
The job and the dream isn't even about money, actually I want to create something free and for everyone. I'm not sure what exactly.. I just want it to
be beneficial to society..
My ex told me I would never become anything and no one but her or my family gave a #t about me so why care about them. I told her my goal wasn't to
become a unique snowflake or w/e she was trying to get at and fight for something.
Now here I am fighting for my life to get the schooling to become a computer engineer.. I'm busting my ASS and I should be going back to school in the
I've basically put every ounce of energy and thought towards it, after the girl that first broke my heart I have been kinda dull on the relationship
side.. I don't really care anymore about that.. I just don't feel it anymore..
All of my life I have wanted to fight for something, and now that's exactly what I'm doing.
Am I wrong? What could I do differently?
edit on 17-4-2012 by Pelvi because: (no reason given)