It has been 3 years Mom

Hi Mom,

It has been three years now, three years you have been out of pain.

I miss you, it gets easier every day, the tears don't come as often, more often I smile when I think about growing up. I more often remember little things that made us smile, like coming home from the outdoor rink with a bloody nose, and you making us home made rice pudding. I remember sleepily sitting on the couch watching Saturday morning cartoons, snuggled up to you with you running your fingers through my hair.

I remember learning to wind surf at the beach, you sitting quietly on the beach watching us as we repeatedly fell off the board, I was so small I could not hod the sail up against the wind if it gusted, getting blown over at the slightest gust. I went up on the beach upset because I was so small I could not do it, and you telling me that there were things I was meant to do, and others I was not, but not to be upset about it, at least I tried.

I remember in grade 4, you could not get clothes that fitted me that did not look like toddler clothes, so you made my clothes for me. I remember one of my teachers raving about my clothes, and she would not believe you made them, until I showed her that tag you put in all of them "Lovingly made by mom", I felt so proud them, that my mom loved me so much that she would sit for hours and make me my clothes.

I remember the first time you came on a trip with me when I was driving truck, it was only a sort trip, up to the yard for an oil change, then pick up a trailer, go to Toronto to load, then I dropped you at home before going to the US, we stopped for dinner north of Toronto too. I remember thinking that some of the other regulars at the truck stop might have a little fun with me for having my mom along, but they didn't they all thought it was great. While I was doing the oil change on the truck, you sat in the lawn chair we brought along, with your big sun hat on, every time i looked over you were smiling. I am sure it was a bit of an adventure for you, I am glad I could share it, it made my day, and some great memories. I do remember you saying, wen I dropped you off at midnight, that you understood why I didn't make it to a phone to call home every night, that sometimes by the time I got done, it was vary late.

I remember you cared enough that it made you worry, now I understand why, you were not being over protective, or controlling, maybe you even missed me a lot, as i was not home much those years.

I remember once, while I was getting a shave one morning, you stood at the door to the bathroom, I thought you really needed to use the washroom, you said no, just watching you shave, my little boy has grown up. That was not too long before you left us, sometimes I wonder if you knew you had done a good job, and that it was time to be free of your pain, that you knew you had given me and Roger the tools to live.

I miss you, and I know we all do, but one day, when it is our time, we will see you again.

I love you Mom, always will.

Your little boy,

Ryan.

Your mother sounds like a great lady.

Glad to hear how much you appreciated the things she did for you.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

reply to post by RyanFromCan


Ryan, Youre Mother will always Be With YOU!! A Mother Never leaves their Child! She will always Watch Over YOU!! Look for Clues..they may be small but she will let you know she is still There! Live and Be Happy and Go After Youre Dreams and make them Happen! Amy in NC

I agree, thank you for sharing.
I'm glad you 2 had such a great relationship.
Don't worry, she will be there for you.

Thank you for sharing that. Very moving.

Ah Ryan,im the mother of a little boy,and i have tears streaming down my face as i read this-so sad,so beautiful,and very inspiring.Yes,time goes by faster than we realise-your wonderful thoughts here,i will remember,that we must make good memories for our children,to hold on to when we pass on.We never know,if a simple thing like a smile or hug at a certain time may just be a "shining moment" that sticks in a little boy or girl's mind forever,as one of those special moments.Your mom was a fine person,and a most wonderful mother,that is plain to see,and im so very happy for you,having had a mom like that.Gosh,i must go put eyedrops in my eyes now,but it was a "good cry"-and like i said,thank you for the reminder,and the inspiration.Bless you.

Great Ryan. I can certainly relate as my mom's only caregiver until passing. Watch your U2U box this week. I want to send you something I found when Mother passed away.

PS We were best friends too...always.

God Bless

reply to post by RyanFromCan


Thanks for sharing, that was truly touching

reply to post by AshleyD


She was an amazing lady, when I was 13, she became very sick, that is when she tough us about cooking, sewing, laundry, all the things we would need later in life. I was not just what she taught us, but how. We would have fun in the kitchen, we would even have the odd water fight in the house, that always ended up with a major "spring" type cleaning, all of us giggling and laughing. That is not ta say there were no rules or expectations, she was also very strict, but not over the top, and she always made understand there were rules, but why there were rules.

We were not allowed to drink per say, if we had any alcohol, it had to be what mom and dad gave us, and was very controlled. The first time I snuck a drink under age that was not given to me by my parents, I was 17, it is a funny story in itself, but mom new before I even got home. She was not insanely mad, the biggest punishment was the shame I felt at letting mom and dad down. It later became a family joke about how i was caught.

She would tell me later in life, that she new she was going to get worse, and wanted to give me and my brother the skills we needed in life, so that.."you don't have to get married to the first woman that comes along, just so you won't starve, or because you need a button sewn back on your shirt" . Mom was a tomboy of sorts, she stood up for herself, both verbally and physically, but she was very much a lady. Even while she was slugging a jerk, lol.

Mom was right, for the last 20 years of her life, we slowly watched her grow weaker, and then she was out of pain, the day she left us is a beautiful story in itself, maybe I will share it sometime.

reply to post by RyanFromCan

Thankyou Ryan,
A few days ago it was four years ago since i lost my mum too. Four years later and i can still barley think about her without the tears streaming. Thankyou for sharing your story, im a 26 year old male and new to ATS and never expected to be in tears reading an ats post.
I wish you the best, and just remember we will always be our mothers little men.
Kind Regards
Ionaura

Ryan, you made me cry. It's been 4 years since my Father passed away and I still miss him. My Mom is 87, so I know our time together is limited. Your post was beautiful.

reply to post by RyanFromCan


I started crying about line 4 and still am. Your mom did good to raise a loving son like you. I am glad you have happy memories. You were blessed with a Mom that was hand-picked for you.

Thanks everyone, I did not post this to make anyone cry, sorry if I brought back anything bad for anyone, i do find sometimes, even as a "guy" that a good cry is necessary to feel better.

I originally did not even intend to post this, I originally just wrote it in wordpad, just o get it out of my head, been in there all day, and yes, putting it "on paper" so to speak, as a letter to mom, did feel better.

I sat looking at it for a while, and something told my to share it, so I posted it to FB, then I thought about it, and thought maybe I should post it here too.

I am going to spend some time with dad now, so may not be back here on ATS for a few hours. Take care everyone, and thanks.

reply to post by RyanFromCan


That was a beautiful letter filled with love!
Brought me to tears, she sounds like an amazing woman!.
Reminds me why my mum rings or txts me everyday just to tell me she loves me,
is only because she cares.

Karma

Wow. Beautifully written, a lovely tribute, and straight from the heart. As a mother myself, it made me cry. I think all the women (and most of the men) shed a tear while reading it.

You have a talent for sharing things that happened in your life that makes the reader feel like they were there and they knew your mother, too. Well done.

A close friend lost her dear mother two weeks ago. I saw this poem online and sent it to her:

If roses grow in Heaven, Lord
Please pick a bunch for me.
Place them in my Mother's arms
And tell her they're from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her,
And when she turns to smile,
Place a kiss upon her cheek
And hold her for a while.

Because remembering her is easy,
I do it everyday,
there is an ache within my heart
That will never go away."
~ Author Unknown

Thank you for sharing. Your tribute was very touching. I am sure your Mom knows what a fine Son she raised. Blessings

reply to post by RyanFromCan


That was very beautiful and touching Ryan.

You don't know me but all I can say is I can completely sympathize with you. My own mother has been gone for over a decade now, coming up on 11 years. She died young; much, much too young and I miss her every single day. I know she is in God's loving arms and that one day I will see her again. Upon meeting, all I will do is hug her and say I missed you mom.

Wow, that was amazing. Your words brought me to the edge of emotion. The love you expressed was overwhelming, and very refreshing. It brings back into perspective how short life really is.

You do know there is always a monthly writing contest on ATS? This month's theme is a tough topic, but I think with your ability to put emotion into words, you'd do well. The link to most recent contest is always in my sig.

Perhaps you'd be interested. You have a way with words that should be appreciated more.

Thank you Ryan..

That was very well written..

straight from your heart..

Peace...

reply to post by Druid42


I will Check it out, thanks for the heads up. I don't get to write too often, but I like it when I can, and love to read as well. The imagination is a terrible thing to waste, but fantasy is by far,, not the only thing I like to read, History, Theology, philosophy, are all high on my list, as well as "how to" books, and pretty much anything on photography, regardless if it is a coffee table book with amazing work, or a encyclopedia on techniques, principals and equipment.

Yeah, I am a geek, and proud of it.


Oh, and survival, better say that or the guys on the survival show will kick my six (Laura too probably), especially Semper,