a drugged viewer

Did you ever talk to those 'voices'? Just curious.

And you prayed to God but He *never* responsed?

I have a few suggestions, although may not useful.. Try to concentrate on something that ordinary people are doing, make friends with ordinary people, appreciate and talk with them on their interests. Get closer to the nature, and enjoy the peace of the nature. If what you are seeing and hearing are not due to psych problems, then you just have to shrug and take it easy, regardless of your lack of sleep. It is your world, and you would need to be generous to it. Maybe after spending some time on having fun you could sleep better.

Wow.... dotgov, I'm not experienced at all in this field and I don't know how to help you out, but that story is *really* fascinating, and has me amazed.

I know you probably have answered millions and millions of questions about the subject but I was just wondering if you possibly could have kept any of your art or writings? If so, would you want to share any of it? If not, thats cool too.

you are smart....i wish i was that smart like you =(.........ive got plenty of life to go i guess...............

as for your story it was the best story ive ever heard........i never met any1 with these "powers" or abilities heh i guess this is like a once in a lifetime moment.......and the title of your thread "a drugged veiwer" you are drugged but you are like.....almost immune except for the tranquilizers....which makes you just a veiwer

Originally posted by ADHDsux4me
In regards to the biblical verses, the meek, and false prophets.

I can understand, why you would aside from the sideways glances, want to keep quite publicy about your gifts and predictions, but to play devil's advocate. I see you not going against god for having the gift, and using it for small personal things.

Sometimes I use it for small personal things. Two nights ago I told my brother to go get a towel. He wanted to argue as to why (he's a lawyer in a blue-collar uniform), but he did it. Five minutes later a soft drink spilled all over the glass table in the living room. I do things like that often. That same night I told him to fix one of his stereos , because it had a short in it. I could "hear" the electricity flickering. None of us have touched the stereo in a year, but just for the sake of arguing he turned it on, and sure enough, the power cord is shorted out. I'll bug him over and over when I'm in a good mood.

Now if you were to go on public TV, and unlock the secrets of the universe for everyone, that could be perceived as false prophetism.

Yes, I saw a show on TV once called, "Crossing Over." I don't remember the guy's name...John something...I can't see auras on television, but let me tell you he is a LIAR. He preys on the unknowing, while he himself is unknowing.

However, You could clearly state how conflicted you are about it. You don't want to outshine the creator, but you feel you were given this gift to do work in his name, and that you are a just a conduit, and no more special than your everyday person. Also explain, to those who would listen keep the bible in their hearts, in no way do you want to overshadow Jesus or God. They chose you to have this, but their teachings are far superior to what you have to say, and take their word above all things.

I agree with you. God is my creator, and the Bible is my teacher. I do not want people to see me as a teacher of spirituality or the paranorm. That is a personal choice that an individual needs to make. What I foresee, however, is an onslaught of criticism from both believers and non-believers. That is why I try my best to not project in the presence of other humans...even those who are close to me. It is also why I do my best to control what I see and say.

As far as meek goes, I think humble would be a better explanation. Jesus was humble. But Old Testamet God Sure wasn't lol! BOOM Fire and Brimstone! New testamet, love and turn the other cheek. When did the paridigm shift happen? LOL

Hahahahahah!!! I agree with you about the OT vs.NT. The OT is a tough read, no matter what edition of the Bible you choose. I took a course at GMU called, "THE OLD TESTAMENT." (I briefly minored in theology). On the first day we were issued hardcover books about "HOW TO READ THE OLD TESTAMENT." Having to read a book on how to read The Book..the irony of the 20th century.

You were chosen to have what you have for a purpose. Is it to suffer with it silently, or is it to bring help to others through you gifts in the spirit of love your neighbor?

For now, I can only suffer it silently. It is like a double-edged sword that a toddler is swinging around. I wish I can use the sword to protect my neighbor, but I know at this point that I will most likely end up hurting my neighbor. A toddler's intentions are innocent, but even a toddler can do permanent damage, with a sword or a crayon.

On that note, If I were to ask for some of your wisdom could you, and or would you help me?

As best as I can, of course.

I could use a little re-assuring on some things, and I would be honored and humbled if someone would. At many points in the last 10 years up to the now, I feel a futility, and could use a little help divining whether this is supposed to be this way.

I must pre-warn you, though, that all decisions must be made by you and only you. In order for your past/present/future to remain in harmony, you must make your own decisions with confidence and trust.

Looking forward ,
Dot.

Hi DotGov101,

I read the entire thread and I wanted to comment. While reading your words, I get two impressions:

The views of a highly intelligent and opinionated individual.

The views of a scared, emotionally shocked 8 year old girl.

What I mean to say is, I see a lot of that little girl residing throughout your posts. I wanted to ask you some questions, please note I'm not trying to offend you, and you need not answer ANYTHING I ask if you'd rather not, this is more for you than for me in many ways.

1. When you first had this "poker game", you're stating that this "entity" was a real, physical manifestation in your room yes?

2. You got a "gift only you could see", and shortly afterward in a journal you had, you "met" this "protector" correct?

3. How many voices in your head can you identify, do each of them have names/ descriptive titles?

4. Can you, if you try really hard to, can you focus and call forth any of these "voices" at will?

5. You gave a very general overview of your home life as a child. I'd like to know what your feelings were to both of your parents. Which was your "favorite"? Was there any history of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse against you by ANYONE(father, mother, realative, teacher) before or during the initial contact of either the entity or the "protector"?

6. Was your father not only absent a lot, but also abusive towards your mother? What exactly made her leave him? Why did she decide to not take you with her? There may be a "root cause" to this you need to face.

7. This person you live with now, do they treat you like a woman, or like a little girl? Which do you prefer to be treated as?

8. Have you ever fully discussed these different voices with any of your doctors, have they every mentioned anything in relation to multiple personality disorder? I know your situation is not plainly indicitive of such, as you seem to not "act out" the voices in a first person manner, but I'd like to know, just the same.

9. Have the voices ever been mean, or spiteful? Do they ever wish for you to do illegal acts or exact harm or vengance on others? If so, how easy is it for you to "resist" those influences?

10. Have you ever tried to "control" these "voices"? Have you ever tried to silence them? How did they react? Were they mad at you? Did they act disapprovingly?


Like I stated earlier in the thread, this exercise is more for you, than it is for me. However if you do wish to continue this with me, feel free to either respond here, or send me a U2U, and we can explore this further in a non clinical environment.

My best wishes to you DotGov, whatever you're dealing with, few if any of us can only begin to imagine. Best of luck to you dear.

X

i was attracted to this thread at frist cuz it said a drugged viewer and i happin to know a great deal about ALL drugs weither illigel or legal or perscriped ani-depressiants to some ani-psychotics , and after reading your frist 2 posts and a little bit of some of the others posts , i will say that i mean to write another responce at a later time since i dont have alot of time now ,but i now feel attracted to this thread for more reasons , and i want to say while i have had some silmer things happin to me , just not at the extreme level u have , tho your controled ablitlys ( in secound post ) were things i enjoyed alot when i was young , and still have a bit like time and animals and stuff , but one thing i know about drugs is there all bad , in some cases they work with people ( but these people never have abilitys that work or come true ) usually normal people and i'm talking about certin perscriped ani-Whatevers but in people like you and me i say there bad bad bad bad bad , and you should trust your own intution , and let the voices earn your trust aswell if they hav't done things to earn it already but what is outside is also inside , and vice versa , later on maybe when i have more time and have readed the whole thread i will give a longer answer and responce from your responce to this but for now i think this is a good responce that comes from my heart , and i also want to say i belive everything u wrote not cuz i i'm incline to blind faith but becuase i feel empthy for certin situations in your life , and certin parts of your life were alike to mine , anyway i wish you the best and clarity and peace , again i think the best thing that anyone can do is to mediate anyway take care and i will respond again in a few days maybe

5: Interesting, this number is very interesting. Amuk, another member of this site has had an odd experience with this number and little girls; i just had a similar experience with 5 women (26-34) a couple of days ago in my dreams. I was very distraught, and hope it never happens to another. I would suggest taking a look at our friend Amuk's thread: www.abovetopsecret.com...

My experience was very odd aswell: these 5 women were some sort of hit-women,and from what i can remember, they captured/killed 5 men and brought them to a hospital. I remember see a large room, very large, high ceiling. There were bodies on the ground, and the women were injecting needles into them; whatever the needles were for, i have no idea. One man seemed to have his legs decapitated, another was bleeding, no, the blood seemed old, but as if he had suffered light trauma. The next thing i remember is being under a surgical bed -- hiding under it --, but i could see the women, 2 women, dressed like nurses. One of there faces was clear, short lond hair, sharp features, very fit, and beautifull. The other was vauge, and only her hands and some of here body was visible. I remember a body on the bed, naked, and alive. The women whose face i could not see took a knife, and cut his penis off, all this time i could here screams of torture; i was absolutely scared stiff under the bed. The women whose face i could see looked up at a window, a noise had been made, as she looked up, i could see her face getting very tense, then changing into something very demonic, yet human. Frightening dream...

Life has an odd way of conveying itself, very odd way. I'm a student of Philosophy and Political Sciences (1st year), and in my occasional stroll through the library i came across a section dedicated to physcology and abnormal behaviour; " Understanding Schizophrenia ", for some odd reason, caught my eye, and i decided to check it out. I woke up around 2:30 in the morning last night and started to read it; from what i have read, you may be suffering from Schizophrenia. But, don't take my word for it, i've only read around 27 pages

These aare the diagnostic criteria for Schizophrenia:

1. Delusions
2. Hallucinations.
3. Disorganized speech (e.g., frequent derailment or incoherence)
4. Grossly disorganized or catonic behaviour.
5. Negative symptoms, i.e., affective flattening, alogia, or avoliation.

This is a neuro-biological disorder; many believe it to be Genetic aswell: do you have a history of this disorder in your family ?

I hope some of this could help.

Deep

Hi Dot,

You are a mighty brave person, to be able to withstand the trials and tribulations that you have endured. I implore you to "hang in there", no matter what. I have but one question for you:

You said:

We all exist in more than one world. ... maybe I'll write more about that someday.

Could you please elaborate on this a little, if you have the time? I've been thinking about this very same subject lately.

Regards,
MK

Did you ever talk to those 'voices'? Just curious.

Yes, but only when alone. They talk right back, through me, out loud. So I have to watch when I do it.

And you prayed to God but He *never* responsed?

God overrides them, but sometimes He agrees with them. I don't know if they follow and believe in God, or if it is divine intervention. God doesn't talk to me, but He does "push" me to do things that eventually show why He did it.

I have a few suggestions, although may not useful.. Try to concentrate on something that ordinary people are doing, make friends with ordinary people, appreciate and talk with them on their interests. Get closer to the nature, and enjoy the peace of the nature. If what you are seeing and hearing are not due to psych problems, then you just have to shrug and take it easy, regardless of your lack of sleep. It is your world, and you would need to be generous to it. Maybe after spending some time on having fun you could sleep better.

I've tried. I've tried all kinds of activities, Bingo, golfing, baby showers...you name it. I have to force myself to attend "mandatory" events..Ted's work functions (thank God only twice a year), and I went to a work function from my job a few months ago. They are very difficult, because I have to "pretend" that I am living and existing in the same world as the other people there. Eventually I go mute, like I always do. I just can't talk anymore. Ted's trying to get me to "practice." I know he's slowly conditioning me to socialize with other people.

But thank you, thank you for your suggestions.

Dot.

Wow.... dotgov, I'm not experienced at all in this field and I don't know how to help you out, but that story is *really* fascinating, and has me amazed.

Thank you...I wish it was a story. I wish it wasn't true, but thank you for your props.

I know you probably have answered millions and millions of questions about the subject but I was just wondering if you possibly could have kept any of your art or writings? If so, would you want to share any of it? If not, thats cool too.

Yes, I keep most everything I write. Some are two line blurbs. Others are 40 pages long. Then my drawings became very intricate. I might upload some for you.

Dot

you are smart....i wish i was that smart like you =(.........ive got plenty of life to go i guess...............

We all have plenty of life to go...I don't think of myself as smart. Those who know me in the outside world are much smarter than I..especially Ted.

as for your story it was the best story ive ever heard........i never met any1 with these "powers" or abilities heh i guess this is like a once in a lifetime moment.......and the title of your thread "a drugged veiwer" you are drugged but you are like.....almost immune except for the tranquilizers....which makes you just a veiwer

You'll meet more people in the future. This is definitely not a once in a lifetime moment. I'm nothing new...I just have a bit of time on my hands to describe it.

Maybe I am immune to all the meds. I never thought of that. I thought that perhaps I needed all of them in my body in order to be a "contributing member of society." That is a very good point you bring up.

Regards,
Dot.

I read the entire thread and I wanted to comment. While reading your words, I get two impressions:

The views of a highly intelligent and opinionated individual.

The views of a scared, emotionally shocked 8 year old girl.

They contradict each other...but I suppose that I do feel like that at times. Very yin and yang. I am definitely a woman of contradictions.

What I mean to say is, I see a lot of that little girl residing throughout your posts. I wanted to ask you some questions, please note I'm not trying to offend you, and you need not answer ANYTHING I ask if you'd rather not, this is more for you than for me in many ways.

I promise I will not be offended. Yes, one of the voices is a little girl. She makes me eat a lot of sweets. lol. She plays a very little role in my life, though. She's sort of like an id.

1. When you first had this "poker game", you're stating that this "entity" was a real, physical manifestation in your room yes?

Yes, he was very real. He breathed (very slowly though) and moved about. I knew that I was not supposed to touch him, however.

2. You got a "gift only you could see", and shortly afterward in a journal you had, you "met" this "protector" correct?

I wouldn't define it as "met." There were no introductions. The Protector/Therapist just started protecting me from that moment on...and handles most of my affairs. She helps me to live a very normal life.

3. How many voices in your head can you identify, do each of them have names/ descriptive titles?

No. I know the Protector/Therapist only as what she is. She has no name. All of them are nameless, except for when I wrote "Sayrna" when I was a child. I googled the name "Sayrna" and came up with some interesting stuff.

4. Can you, if you try really hard to, can you focus and call forth any of these "voices" at will?

They are always there, but they amplify when I am under extreme duress. They will take over for me and handle the situation appropriately.

5. You gave a very general overview of your home life as a child. I'd like to know what your feelings were to both of your parents. Which was your "favorite"? Was there any history of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse against you by ANYONE(father, mother, realative, teacher) before or during the initial contact of either the entity or the "protector"?

I love my mother dearly, though for years I never spoke to her. She helped me get to where I am today. My father did the best job he could raising us, but was constantly "out in the field." I can't say what his job was, but given the situation he did the best he could to see me and my two siblings. He'd play catch with us, teach us how to ride a bike, etc...

6. Was your father not only absent a lot, but also abusive towards your mother? What exactly made her leave him? Why did she decide to not take you with her? There may be a "root cause" to this you need to face.

She claims he was verbally abusive...but he rarely ever raised his voice. He's now a born-again Baptist living far away..he left us when my youngest sibling turned 18. From that moment on, we were on our own. My mother would leave him on whims. She was a very whimsical person at the time. She never took me with her because I was in school at the time, and she knew that my father would finance my schooling.

7. This person you live with now, do they treat you like a woman, or like a little girl? Which do you prefer to be treated as?

He treats me as both. He's very possessive about me. He even has doubts about me writing about this on here. He's not jealous, but very protective about who can and can't be around me. He knows what my limitations are, so he makes sure that there are no guests at the house (though he's trying to condition me to be more social), He treats me like a woman...lol... I have responsibilities in the relationship. I handle our finances, keep the house, and need to have at least a part-time job. He cooks dinner and is building his career.

8. Have you ever fully discussed these different voices with any of your doctors, have they every mentioned anything in relation to multiple personality disorder? I know your situation is not plainly indicitive of such, as you seem to not "act out" the voices in a first person manner, but I'd like to know, just the same.

Yes, I have discussed them with my doctors, past and present. They rule out MPD because my personality remains the same. I am the same person at every appointment. The voices may be shouting at me and singing to me, but my personality never changes. I eat the same foods, wear the same clothing, and maintain the same appearance 24/7. Plus, my ability to keep a relationship for the past 3 years without any MPD episodes reported by Ted rules it out.

9. Have the voices ever been mean, or spiteful? Do they ever wish for you to do illegal acts or exact harm or vengance on others? If so, how easy is it for you to "resist" those influences?

They call me fat, but then again, the massive amounts of Seroquel made me gain 100 lbs. I hate being overweight. I am a vegetarian who eats a HIGH fiber diet, and the weight never goes away. It's a pain. There are only two people who I feel vengeance for, and I've spoken with my doctor about them. She says the feelings of vengeance are highly justified. They are what I call "demons." People who were born bad, and who did terrible things to me in my adulthood. I know that I will confront one of them someday..that he will put himself into my presence. I have seen it in my visions.

10. Have you ever tried to "control" these "voices"? Have you ever tried to silence them? How did they react? Were they mad at you? Did they act disapprovingly?

Of course. I've tried everything to control and silence them. They react by being louder. When my meds are full-force, they sing instead of talk. I see them as my friends, and they aren't disapproving of me, except for the "fat" talk.

My best wishes to you DotGov, whatever you're dealing with, few if any of us can only begin to imagine. Best of luck to you dear.

Thank you for your time..I'm sorry, but I must go now.

Sincerely,
Dot.

Originally posted by ZeroDeep
5: Interesting, this number is very interesting. Amuk, another member of this site has had an odd experience with this number and little girls; i just had a similar experience with 5 women (26-34) a couple of days ago in my dreams. I was very distraught, and hope it never happens to another. I would suggest taking a look at our friend Amuk's thread: www.abovetopsecret.com...

That was a very good link you provided. I forgot all about that thread. I really hope that everyone's associations with young girls is innocent and harmless. I will admit I know very little about the symbolism, just what I read in the thread.

My experience was very odd aswell: these 5 women were some sort of hit-women,and from what i can remember, they captured/killed 5 men and brought them to a hospital. I remember see a large room, very large, high ceiling. There were bodies on the ground, and the women were injecting needles into them; whatever the needles were for, i have no idea. One man seemed to have his legs decapitated, another was bleeding, no, the blood seemed old, but as if he had suffered light trauma. The next thing i remember is being under a surgical bed -- hiding under it --, but i could see the women, 2 women, dressed like nurses. One of there faces was clear, short lond hair, sharp features, very fit, and beautifull. The other was vauge, and only her hands and some of here body was visible. I remember a body on the bed, naked, and alive. The women whose face i could not see took a knife, and cut his penis off, all this time i could here screams of torture; i was absolutely scared stiff under the bed. The women whose face i could see looked up at a window, a noise had been made, as she looked up, i could see her face getting very tense, then changing into something very demonic, yet human. Frightening dream...

Indeed...with the conflict in the world going as it is, I, too, have dreams/visions about a modern apocalypse and the events leading to it. Your dream sounds very similar..

Life has an odd way of conveying itself, very odd way. I'm a student of Philosophy and Political Sciences (1st year), and in my occasional stroll through the library i came across a section dedicated to physcology and abnormal behaviour; " Understanding Schizophrenia ", for some odd reason, caught my eye, and i decided to check it out. I woke up around 2:30 in the morning last night and started to read it; from what i have read, you may be suffering from Schizophrenia. But, don't take my word for it, i've only read around 27 pages

My blog is titled "A day in the life of a schizo vs. viewer. I've seen a team of the best psychiatrists, psychologists, and psychiatric nurses from DC to Rochester, MN to Fargo

A shame that they would force meds on you when others are making millions on tv and might not even have the actual ability.

"Give away a couple million dollars worth of free pontiacs and become a hero overnight. "

Why don't you start posting your visions and prophecies here for us. At least you will get more than one opinion. I know there will be criticisms from some, but you will have many eyes that can offer you some good viewpoints. There are more doctors and scientists available on here than the one you are seeing.

Originally posted by MKULTRA

Hi Dot,

You are a mighty brave person, to be able to withstand the trials and tribulations that you have endured. I implore you to "hang in there", no matter what.

I am living in a peaceful place with wonderful people. This greatly increases my tolerance to everyday life. I will definitely be "hanging in here" for a very long time. Thank you for your support.

I have but one question for you said:

We all exist in more than one world. ... maybe I'll write more about that someday.

Could you please elaborate on this a little, if you have the time? I've been thinking about this very same subject lately..

Regards,
MK



My views occasionally take me into several different layers of time and space. Although I can see what is happening on the "main" level (everyday life), my brain is constantly trying to merge these different layers into one. It is very difficult for me to stay on the main level. It has so much stimuli that I can not talk to acquaintances and remain mute. Loved ones I can talk to, but only with small talk. I've learned to answer that everything is just "fine." This is true... everything has a fine line in a metaphysical sense.

I've read the analogy before about having five radios playing on different stations. This is what I experience throughout the day.


This is what plagues me throughout the day:

I have seen approximately six planes of existence.

The 2 higher planes of existence have blue entities that are liquid-like who can move throughout other planes of existence. Some of them are very friendly and like to be seen, some of them are very shy and disappear if I turn to look at them. They like to remain in the corner of my eye. They are observers. They are not able to manipulate or move physical objects, but they are able to manipulate time and space. They have no human qualities, except for the tendency to be shy or bold.

The 2 lower planes of existence have "twinkles" appearing and disappearing at random. I have a strong feeling that they are very similar to atoms. They are very tiny, but they are visible to me. They remind me of children, almost, but not human children. They are not able to manipulate time or space, but they are able to appear on the "main" plane, coming to form like the tails of very tiny lightning bugs.

Humans seem to prefer the middle plane, the third one. This is where we are able to touch and move objects that we have created, or have been created for us. We are so cramped into this plane, that it causes conflicts ranging from internal illnesses to world wars. I think that the reason the third plane is so cramped is because of human's need for social interaction. However, we get more than we bargain for by living entirely in this plane, because our social interaction with each other is not always positive. This is why there are wars, famine, monopolies, alliances between large amounts of people, etc... there are not enough people who are willing to expand their unused portion of their most important organ, the brain.

The brain controls all in this plane/realm. Depending on the indivudual, the brain can make or break countries, religions, families, and the individual itself. Most people do not have the time or patience to explore themselves more, and when they do explore themselves, it is usually by the guidance of another human. This contradicts self-exploration, and keeps us chained to this plane.

The fifth plane I have witnessed only once. It is too profound for me to view. It can not be entered by humans while they are "alive." It can be viewed, just as we can be viewed by the blue entities, but only for brief moments. It is the flash of light you see before you enter REM. It consists solely of light, with one entity existing and controlling this light. We are simply "twinkles" to this entity. It sees us all moving around at random, some of us have more light than others, but It sees all. It is in absolute control of the 5 other realms, though it allows us to move seemingly randomly in our plane of existence. We may think we are controlling and are in total control of ourselves, but in fact we are "twinkles" to a much more advanced entity/being.

This is a small sample...
Dot.

Ever seen a tall crystal palace with light coming from all around as though in the heart of a white sun, shattering into a myriad of rainbows inside the palace? The beings there just white glows moving silently and effortlessly around and through?

dot that is one hell of a past, i feel for you i too have been put in a place for not fitting into the norm...
dot my grandfather was like that, he was a native american indian (ponca tribe send me an email and i will tell you his name to prove), he would always speak to the elder chiefs. he always knew about things before you did, but he always tried to help others...he is dead now.

have you tried to help others like use what you know to heal, perhaps that is a way to heal yourself.

there is a indian cerimony that i think could help you find out more about what you are dealing with, infact there are two that would help or least open you up to a deeper understanding.

the first is called a peyote ceremony(done the right way, by indians...my tribe was the first to bring it to the US indians, it came from mexican indians)

the second ceremony is called the sun dance, if your interested i can give you more info, but have a read about it.

there is one more, but it hasn't been done for a while, its called the ghost dance.

can you or do you speak to those no longer hear in this world.

and thanks for sharing that story...brought some good memories back.

First and foremost thanks for writing with me, I was hoping you could answer my last u2u. I magine you must be a busy bee.

The other thing which I kind of got a kick out of, was a way to mess with your Dr's for the sake of brevity.

I think perhaps you should reveal your abilities to your Dr's, not just your symptoms. Give them a little something or more, that will lead them to doubt that you are "ill" and suggest to them that their science can't answer what's going on with you. I think perhaps you may have mentioned you did before, but I'm suggesting you offer them something they can't open up a book on, and start on their "Well obviously you are suffering blah blah blah disorder."

While on paper your condition would fit their Disorders, show them something they can't rationalize.

Another question, I know your love has a hard time believing you, or is it rather accepting the gift end of it, not the kookiness aspect of it?

You had written that he loves you and is super understanding of your social quirkiness, but how does he deny your abilites, when you exhibit proof of them everyday?

I'm guessing, but only in a generalzation, that He would rather not let the fact that you have your gifts, blur the fact that he loves you for the Woman you are, gifts or not. I just don't get, why he avoids your giftedness. He seems to accept the funny little OCD aspects of your life, but why not the gifts? Are they beyond his rationale? Did he grow up in a very black and white, this is this, and that is that, kind of world?

Long and short of it, I am very happy you have such a nice man in your life, and I guess all that matters is that you do.

-ADHDsux4me

Have you ever considered that you may be a hybrid?
A result of genetic work, cloning, hybrid race within the military in some manner whether intentional or unintentional?

Is it possible that Sayrna could actually mean "Say RNA"

RNA is currently used in Reverse transcriptase - synthesizes DNA from a RNA template; used primarily for cDNA cloning

Just a thought and maybe a very far stretch..............