forum board addiction?

ok guys...i've got a friend...let's call him bob...

bob and i are very close friends. i care an awful lot about bob. so this has turned into a very delicate situation.

i've felt like bob was becoming too engrossed in forum boards for a little while now. bob has got his feelings hurt by members on forum boards recently, the whole nine.

over the past couple weeks, bob seems to talk about a forum board more than any other subject (and no, not ATS). to the point where it got REALLY annoying. one friday night, i was about to leave to go out and before i left, bob stopped me to talk for a second. what did bob want to talk about? forum board drama. held my friday night up for 30 minutes talking about forum board drama, when it was obvious i was getting sick of hearing about this forum board.

i had made random comments to bob during conversation last week about people spending too much time on forum boards (not directed at bob at all, just saying people in general) and bob instantly got defensive, declaring that he wasn't like that. i took this as a classic sign of addiction: denial.

another day, while bob was at an all day social event, bob remembered that he had told people on the forum board that he would be at this event (which was more of a work related event than it was a social event, but it was a mixture of both) and told folks he would put up some pictures. well, while bob was at this said event, he text messaged me pictures and asked me to put them up on the forum board. just that morning, i had been noticing people putting up pictures on facebook of themselves socializing, while they are still socializing and it was kind of ticking me off how addicted people have become to the internet and social media. hours later, bob texts me pictures and asks me to put them up on this forum board. you can imagine where my head went.

bob has even gone so far as to think that his house was bugged by the CIA because of IP addresses getting banned from visiting a certain forum board.

now about this forum board bob is a member of: it's a small board, like, 40-50 people. bob has had hour+ long phone conversations with people from this board on top of text messages on top of private messages on top of over 200 posts on this small forum board in a matter of less than 2 weeks, on top of posts on other forum boards. i'd hit bob up, "hey...what're you doing?" bob:"on the phone with rick from the forum" bob once sent me a text message telling me his computer crashed while sending rick a private message. this forum board, to me, seems to be swallowing bobs life and bob can't see it.

so, i called bob out on it. told him that i thought he was addicted to this forum board and needed to take a break. long and short of it, bob said he doesn't care to have me in his life anymore. i really care about bob and was only trying to reach out and grab his attention cuz lord knows the other members on that forum board weren't going to call him out about it.

i've seen countless members talk about needing to take a break from ATS (as well as other boards i've looked through) so it seems like a fairly common problem that people become a bit too engrossed in these forum boards. i mean...phone calls, text messages, private messages, forum board posts and even some face to face time with some of these members---that seems a bit excessive to me. granted i am no one's father but i am a friend who cares about the over all health of bob. bob has even told me lately that he feels stretched thin by people and wants to "get away".

i've watched society turn into a bunch of social media addicted zombies over the past year and it's been really irking me. i don't think it's healthy to be so caught up in a website that you think about that website while you're socializing in real life. facebook apps for your phone? wanting pictures of you at social events while still at them posted onto a forum board is no different. can't the socializing wait until you're home alone and real life has ended? i really think that this internet addiction issue is much deeper than people realize. forum boards seem to become reality way too easily.

so what say you ATS? do you think i was right in telling my friend they were too caught up in a forum board or do i owe my friend a big apology?

If it becomes a major issue for HIM mentally or physically then you should talk to him.
If the only reason you think it's a problem is because he annoys the crap out of you when he talks about it.
Just ask him to please not talk about it with him, but you'd still like to converse with him.

The part that interests me is how you call him out on his "forum board addiction" and then he rejects you, and your first thought is to immediately put the issue to a forum board.

Am I the only one seeing this?

Originally posted by Starchild23
The part that interests me is how you call him out on his "forum board addiction" and then he rejects you, and your first thought is to immediately put the issue to a forum board.

Am I the only one seeing this?

I was going to say the same thing, I just thought it would be regarded as off topic.

Originally posted by Starchild23
The part that interests me is how you call him out on his "forum board addiction" and then he rejects you, and your first thought is to immediately put the issue to a forum board.

Am I the only one seeing this?

Same thing went through my mind!

Maybe there is a denial process that needs to be worked through...a good 12 step program for forum addicts!

"We admitt we are powerless over the forums..."

reply to post by Starchild23


the reason i post this on a forum board is because i've asked people in REAL life and they agree so i wanted to get the opinion of people who frequent forum boards to see if this was normal behavior.

my roommate has been watching this entire ordeal unfold and he agrees that bob has become a bit too entangled in a website.

and no it's not my first thought...this originally went down saturday. he told me today he doesn't care to be friends anymore so i figured i'd see what forum board members thought.

Originally posted by deo4urbo
reply to post by Starchild23

 

the reason i post this on a forum board is because i've asked people in REAL life and they agree so i wanted to get the opinion of people who frequent forum boards to see if this was normal behavior.

my roommate has been watching this entire ordeal unfold and he agrees that bob has become a bit too entangled in a website.

Why didn't you ask his forum buddies? Maybe the reason he's on that forum so much is because they are all forum addicts looking for help, but the drama gets to be too much...just like an AA meeting.

Consider that.

reply to post by Starchild23


i know what the forum board is about. it's just like ATS but small, small numbers. were it something along those lines, i would support him!

Originally posted by Starchild23

Originally posted by deo4urbo
reply to post by Starchild23

 

the reason i post this on a forum board is because i've asked people in REAL life and they agree so i wanted to get the opinion of people who frequent forum boards to see if this was normal behavior.

my roommate has been watching this entire ordeal unfold and he agrees that bob has become a bit too entangled in a website.

Why didn't you ask his forum buddies? Maybe the reason he's on that forum so much is because they are all forum addicts looking for help, but the drama gets to be too much...just like an AA meeting.

Consider that.

do you think it's a healthy relationship to have with a website when you think your house has been bugged by the CIA because of IP addresses getting blocked from a certain site? that to me says that that person has become so emotionally involved in the site that they have compromised their own sanity.

Maybe all the people that Bob knows are boring to him. Maybe you bore him. Maybe the forum allows him to discuss topics that he knows the people in his life are not interested in discussing.


Maybe if he see's no problem,you should have kept your concerns to yourself. If Bob found something that made him happy you should let him be.

Maybe Bob isnt interested in going out on a Friday night or any of the things you think he should be spending his time on.

It sounds like you owe Bob an apology.

And... is Bob in fact you???

reply to post by deo4urbo


In all honesty, I would have to say that virtual lives are a lot better than reality. At least the government can't control your every move online, and you can be who you want to be.

Reality will still exist, but given the choice...to hell with planet Earth, I'm gonna be Indiana Jones!

reply to post by Starchild23


I actually would be more like Tony Starks.

Originally posted by deo4urbo
reply to post by Starchild23

 

i know what the forum board is about. it's just like ATS but small, small numbers. were it something along those lines, i would support him!

I'm pretty sure half the members here believe the CIA is tracking them too.

I'd be worried as well, except I use the computers at my local library. Let them try to track me...

Oh crap. There's a helicopter.

At least he is not addicted to crack, beer or gambling. Internet addiction is a growing problem, but most people still continue to do their jobs or else the power and connection get turned off. I have had my phases at times, just get engrossed in something and mind just wants to keep at it. Usually it ends one day waking up and going WTF was that all about and on to the next thing.

Like ANY addiction, if it becomes disruptive to your everyday life, threatens your job, family members, etc., you need to take a break. Sounds like you were just being a good friend to "bob"....

I guess I'm somewhat addicted (during boring periods at work), but if it ever threatened my job, etc., then break time from the boards...

There was a time when I was addicted to online gaming (back when I was single)...but luckily, I recognized it and then quit cold turkey.

I guess that's why I sometimes have issues with people who can't kick addictions. My wife and I are both that kind of person, where we simply STOP it. I know that not everyone can do this, but knowing and accepting are two different things.

Example, a friend of mine's dad constantly smokes like a chimney. He wants to see his grandkids more (and lives right next door to them). But, his grandson has breathing issues (that he takes medical treatment for). The man refuses to abstain from smoking while his grandkids are over, so consequently, he doesn't get to see them as often, as his parents don't want to aggravate his condition.

REALLY? You can't take enough of a break from smoking to see your grandkids? I just can't see how something can be THAT addictive....