reply to post by getreadyalready
I really appreciate the constructive criticism. Here is the edited version, following from your critique.
A raven black with shades of grey
Stalked me from not so far away
Perhaps he’s lost, not knowing the way
Then a noise I heard made me disturbed
Upon turning around the road dissolved
At my feet stood he about one-foot three.
“Demonic bird, possessed is thee,
What is it that you desire from me?”
In silence I waited for a response
Then appeared daunting eyes of red
A voice had spoken words to me unknown
With a horrible voice from the world below
The objects which remained outside the abyss
Began to twist and turn before my eyes
Spinning was my head, I thought.
The bird had spoken once again
To me it said, with wretched voice
“Follow the path into hell’s gate,
There you will be met by those who are late.”
The raven had turned and flew away
Into the abyss it quickly fled.
All had now become dark as night
Lacking any brightness of moonlight
With no options but to hell I must go
Forward I went, awfully slow.
It was not long along the way
A light in the form of fire lit the path
Until reaching the end where a sign laid
Written in blood, decorated with limbs
Speaking the words, “Forever condemned”.
The raven returned in full form
To welcome me to hell; or Satan’s home
Around me were frightening demons
Appearing only upon the floor and walls
For bodies they lacked, in shadows they dwell
Their appearance welcomed me into hell
Forever illuminating Satan’s domain
Fleeing from the walls to refuge in the middle
I ran into an unseen blood red river
Quickly I fell into the rushing water
Looking up revealed my reflection
Looking down revealed deception
Pushing through the surface’ mirror
I escaped to discover the water obscure
Stumbling ahead I met greater dread
Down a hall to the left screams echoed distress
In the darkness lay bound a woman about twenty
With every scream deep wounds were inflicted
Even my footsteps added to her affliction
For the sounds cut like a sharp knife;
Louder the cries, slower the slice
At this point consumed I fall to my knees
Sobbing aloud with great mental unease
Truth finally struck as an unwanted disease
I am to never escape nor find any peace
My life is to continue here for eternity.