Melancholia is an inevitable result for certain indiviuals that are predisposed to questioning their existence. While in its midst, the hollowness
and unsolicited dark thoughts that fill your waking hours are paralyzing. No number of trite aphorisms promising relief ever deliver. Anyone telling
the OP that he can assuage his depression by internalizing cliches that give other people meaning to their lives has never truly been depressed.
Depression is more than hyperobolized sadness, which is what most non-depressives think it is. There are degrees of depression, but the OP is
describing an "Existential Crisis", which is the most complex and unbreachable from of anhedonia, its origin is from within the individual and its
resolution comes from within. With this thread's theme of existential despair, I am glad that Samuel Beckett made a cameo
OP, I have been there. The despair at times is overwhleming, I spent a decade of my early adult years going in an out of depressive episodes, all of
which were fueled by my internal existential crisis. These episodes were never aleviated by anything external. As suddenly as the fit came on, it
would receeed weeks/months later and even though I had not resolved many of the questions that plagued and tortured me while I was depressed, my
ability to accept that I might never get the answers I desire improved, and my baseline perception of the world slowly returnedto "normal" whatever
that is. Once the depression passes, it seems like a dream, and that you were merely a player in scene.
But the vulnerabities remain because of your questioning nature, so you must never think that the depression is gone. However, once you have been
through something once, the next time you encounter it, you will know what to expect, and even though it sucks and dessicates every last ounce of joy
from experience, having been through it prior, it makes it incrementally easier.
Depression does have its benefits though. Many writers have expounded on the fact that after a depressive episode, there is an increase in wisdom/
insight into the human condition. The way in which an episode alters our perception is not all bad. Sometimes reality is cold, unjust, and full of
illusions as you say. Depression forces the indiviudal to analyze some of the BS we are fed about our existence and role and to see the truth in it.
I've started to view my episodic melancholy as dose of metaphysical sodium pentathol. There are truth about existence that are only accessible when
one is depressed.
In the western theological conidtion, this was called the Dark Night of the Soul, and it was seen as a necessary step in the development of the
character/soul of the individual. It sucks and is terrible and torture, but it means you are asking the right questions. The inisght you will gain
will inform our decisions and actions for the rest of your life.
An existential crisis, which is what you seem to be hiniting at, means you are doing something right. Don't stop asking the questions that lead you
to your depression in the first place. Do not fear it, allow it to run its course. Anyone who tells you to find God or devote yourself to something
greater has never been depressed, so ignore them. Melancholia is a gift and the intangible refinement of your character that results after an episode
is more valuable than any material qualia.
A diamond, which for whatever reason human reasons place a lot of monetary value on, is just run of the mill carbon that has been exposed to extreme
pressure/heat. You mentioned that we are all atoms, and homo sapiens are all carbon based. Pressure is necessary to turn actual carbon into a
diamond. Hardship, depair, tragedy, bad luck, depression are all necessary for we as carbon based beings to refine our character/souls into something
It sucks right now and I have felt the same pain and despair. If I told you that I had a cure for depression, I would be lying. I still succumb to
it and when I am depressed, no one can say anything that alleviates my despair. Time is the only panacea. But if you try to view it as a necessary
part of your character development, growing pains so to say, then you will be able to learn from it.
edit on 7-4-2012 by mirrormaker326
because: (no reason given)