reply to post by sonnny1
I am thrilled more than you could ever know to see you so actively writing creative projects. We are the storytellers of our time, brother. It is
upon us to tell our stories and to tell them well. Please keep writing and working your craft. Writing can be tedious and very, very, lonely, but it
has its pleasures as well.
Aristotle, in Poetics, stated that every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end, but it is the end that is the chief thing of all.
This may seem like one of those So Duh! statements, and sound simple, but it in its simplicity, it is profoundly complex.
I have a few suggestions:
You begin in present tense; "The smoldering wreckage,burns lightning hot." The next sentence, however, is written in past tense; "The young
Praetor,gleefully looked around the wreckage."
Grammarians can be real pains in the asses about changing verb tenses. Of course, most grammarians don't really tend to be artists. The good ones
will recognize that an artist can take a steadfast rule such as "Thou shall not change verb tenses" and do so anyway, and yet somehow make it work.
The bad grammarians will just be stubborn about the rule regardless of how artful you have been.
For example, if you were to write; Smoldering wreckage burns lightning hot. Young Praetor gleefully looked around the wreckage. Then the strict rule
of not changing verb tenses is not really broken, even if some pain in the butt grammarians would argue it is. The first sentence would be simply a
statement of fact. The second would be a descriptive sentence which let's the reader know the story is in the past. If, however, you want your
first sentence to be a descriptive one, then it is probably better for your reader if you write; The smoldering wreckage burned lighting hot.
I like the staccato style you are attempting, but would encourage you to be more clear with your thoughts. Perhaps if you tried something like:
The old MiG 25 beaten easily. By just a thought. Country after country. For 75 years, Praetor's lineage had...he remembered his great-grandfather
telling him, " With these powers,we will one day rule the entire World."
I don't mean to suggest you should've written as I just did, only that you take more time to shape your sentences to better tell your story. Your
story deserves it.
edit on 7-4-2012 by Jean Paul Zodeaux because: (no reason given)