posted on Apr, 6 2012 @ 04:15 AM
A Day in the Life of Emperor Beezzer
As I sat in my throne cruising 3 miles slowly over the surface of the planet, I thought about the series of events that brought me here. Alone, a
drifter without any cares, worries or responsibilities, I found the craft. It was just a small portion, erupting from the soil like a doorway into
some far away land.
My curiosity, having gotten the better of me, led me to explore the craft. Long story short, it taught me how to use it. Kind of like an autopilot
with a teaching degree.
The ship was massive. Easily a mile wide and 2 miles long. It was powered sufficiently to last a thousand more years, armed to the teeth with
weapons of unimaginable power.
For a moment the thought that I could bring peace and harmony throughout the entire planet flitted through my mind.
But who am I kidding.
Reaching Laramie, Wyoming the good folks beckoned me with a radio transmission.
“We have the statue finished, Lord Beezzer”, the mayor of the town stated.
I brought up the image they made of me. 100 feet tall, made of pure gold. It was glorious in almost every way.
“The ears are wrong”, I stated.
“B-B-Beg your pardon, My Lord?”
“I said, the ears are wrong, you made them too big. I am displeased.”
M-M-M-My Lord, we’ll make the changes you desire. Anything. Anything. I humbly apologize for our error.” The poor mayor stammered.
“Too little, too late. You have displeased me.” And with that I ended the communications with the town and armed my weapons. I aimed for the
orphanages and children’s hospitals first (I’m not a monster!) then I hit the liquor stores.
All of them.
Then I got bored and just blew away 25 square miles of land. They DID displease me after all.
I slowly directed the ship to take me east. I had instructed the people of London to paint their House of Parliament blue.
But they chose the wrong shade. That is going to displease me as well.
As I settled for my slow trip east (I made the ship go slowly just so I could terrify a greater percentage of people) I made arrangements for a woman
to be released from my on-board prison so I could have someone to rape on my long journey.
Then I paused and thought about adding another woman. The last time I had just one, she committed suicide.
And I do so enjoy a cuddle afterwards.