I'm going to weigh in on this because I think it is an important topic.
I think anyone saying "it wasn't real love" about the OP's relationship and years of family life together would be wrong. People can fall in love and
out of love. Love is not something you *HAVE*, its something you *DO*. People have to "make" love: I don't mean sexually (though that's part of it), I
mean they have to put effort in to keeping a relationship going. Even the most solid relationships will fall apart if people stop putting in the
effort. I firmly believe this. So the happiness the OP's family had before for many years was genuine and was not faked. It can't be said that the
family was "living a lie." What happend was, what was once genuine simply ceased to function.
This does not mean everthing is OK, though.
My parents divorced after almost 30 years of marriage. It was because my father had an affair with a much younger woman, who later dumped him. The
divorce happened when I was an adult, not a child.
A lot of people say it's better to wait until the children are grown to divorce because it will be easier on them. Maybe, maybe not, I can't say. But
I can say that nothing was "easy" for me about the divorce, even though I was an adult who had grown up and moved out, no longer dependent on my
parents for support. Still, the anger that I felt towards my father was immense, for what he did to my mother. Essentially, he destroyed our family.
Moreover, he dumped the responsibility for caring for my mother (emotionally and financially) onto me and my sister, which created an unfair burden
for us as twentysomethings starting out in the world. But the worst thing was my dad's stupid smug attitude of how he deserved this and he was
starting out on a great adventure with his new slutwife, blah blah blah. His smugness and arrogance destroyed the relationship I had with my father.
I haven't spoken to my father in over a decade and I doubt I will ever again.
Divorce is horrible, if it can be avoided in most cases it should. There are cases where divorce is better than staying together, I believe that. But
simply tossing your partner of many years over your shoulder like a crumpled-up tin can is wrong. THe media perpetrates the lie that this is OK - it
is not. It destroys families, whenever it happens.
I'm sorry for the OP because it sounds like its the wife's fault, not his. I wish I could offer more reassurance but I can't. The wounds that have
been inflicted in my case were too deep and there is no putting humpty-dumpty back together now. Like I said above, the sense of family was REAL at
the time, but its gone now and its not coming back. The only lesson I can draw from this is that if couples want to continue to have a family they
better think twice about divorcing because yes, it does wreck families, whenver it happens in a family's time together.
Sorry I can't be more upbeat or encouraging about this.
edit on 4/5/2012 by TheXoor because: (no reason given)