Sounds like you're in deep, friend. You seem to have made lots of comprises and sacrifices for this girl, too much in my opinion...and from what I can tell she hasn't made much efforts on her side.
If you keep going like this you won't be helping her at all, it will simply keep her in that comfort zone of uncertainties she built for herself and
she will never be able to make a righteous decision for herself.
Your love story is pretty similar to something I went through years ago with a girl that even fits the character of your girlfriend...exept it wasn't
her family issue getting in the way, it was her boyfriend lol
So believe me when I tell you that relationships that start off with a constant wall between both lovers will never flourish and get better...thats
Btw you're not an asshole, you're just a loverboy that cares