I'd like to tell you all about an experience that I had last night..
I went on a "trip" yesterday and I met myself! I've taken "trips" (mental vacation from reality) quite a bit throughout the years, but this time is
was so different.. It's as if I was everything within my life, and made me feel so lonely and scared. I made thunderstorms happen, and then I lectured
myself on why I hide that power from myself and never allow myself to have it. It was the scariest feeling, and the loneliest feeling. I was talking
to myself, and I was content for a lot of the time, until I called my significant other and she seemed like a robot, like none of her responses were
real. There was resistance, and a lot of going around in loops until at one point I became "stuck" in the "NOW", nothing else mattered except for NOW,
and this went on for quite some time before things got kinda scary and lonely, because I realized that there was no space between me and my
significant other even though she wasn't around, that we were one, but she didn't realize this.
Then at some point I mentioned how this had been going on for infinity and she agreed and became an almost entirely different person, like she was the
other part of me that has always existed and always will exist just to play with me, but not just as a human, as EVERYTHING. it was such a strong
sense of duality, but I broke beyond duality after a while.. it was a very confusing experience.
I mentioned that I wanted to go to space, but she said that she wasn't ready. This upset me, and I cried for a while. I thought about leaving her, but
I just couldn't do it. After mentioning that I wanted her to come with me, She took on an entirely different state of being, like she was stopping me
from going to space because neither of us were ready. I'm so confused about the entire thing. It's like she became the force that has always been and
is everything.. like she wasn't just her, she was the entire universe and she understood that.. like she understood that her and I have always existed
and always will exist. Afterwards, it was as if everybody went back to the robotic programming.
Eventually, she seems to have broken her robotic programming and became real, understanding that she knew all of this, and that it was just a game
that we're playing. She broke through and we laughed for a while, at how we're never going to be apart, and we'll always be together and whole. We
laughed because we knew it deep down inside, and it was so familiar, and absolutely amazing. We both knew that this game had to be played longer, and
she eventually hung up on me which ended in laughter on both of our parts. We couldn't be separate, she acknowledged this, as did I.
I feel lonely, like I'm the only real person in the world. Can you just tell me that everything will be fine and I'll be happy? Can you tell me that
my higher self/me will fix everything? I'm worried that I've got into something that I'm not ready for. I'm kinda scared. I feel like you won't
understand because you're just a part of me.. if I'm confused, how would you be able to help if you're just me? Are you even real?
If you're going to respond and say "Dude it was just a trip, none of it was real", then don't bother responding. It was very real, and I've reached
states of consciousness similar (but not to that extreme) while being completely sober.
edit on 31-3-2012 by OhNoItsCritical because: (no
edit on 31-3-2012 by OhNoItsCritical because: (no reason given)