I'm getting sick of this journey..

Originally posted by apzeedyk
Clear your mind. I find it hard to keep faith when I spend too much time thinking on unimportant things instead of meditating.

funny you mention that... you know what I did? I started trying to eat regularly and not drink a lot of coffee and not be near smoke and stuff like that and tried getting my days and nights straightened blah blah... i kept the computer off and the radio off to try to find that inner quiet and calm... and this stupid song I hate kept playing in my head and it really pisses me off because it completely ruined my trend i was trying to get back on of doing yoga and mediating and breathing and exercising and all that... That damn stupid song. I swear it kept on for days and it was really starting to make me mad... i mean really. No matter if I used white noise or not... that same song... when I wake up, that song. all day, that song. I have nothing against the band... they had one hit and i think it's just a really annoying song.

I'm serious... I just want to forget everything and start over in a world where that song and whole bunch of other things don't exist.

Originally posted by OhNoItsCritical
It seems like I'm being stripped down of everything that I love and enjoy. I'm just so sick of this back and forth crap. I feel as if everything and everybody aside from me is god, and it's all just playing some frustrating game with me for some reason or another...

wow
yes
totally

i keep trying to type out something to say, but nothing is coming out right.
all i can really say is that i feel the same way. but we are all God, i thought. i just cant figure out how to control myself.

i feel like a baby learning how to walk all on my own, but im not even sure what "walking" actually is... so instead im just falling down a lot.

i don't feel everything around me is god... I feel like way too many people have screwed with me and WANT to be god now i look for it because i have to explain to myself why weird stuff keeps happening in order to not go completely mad because so much I have found out has been tampered and meddled with...To my shock and horror and these things do not leave the mind unscarred... and others are simply paying way too much attention to every little move I make.... meanwhile... not many people worth talking too.

It's paralyzing. I can feel the selfishness rising up in me to have to deal with every day of my life because of all the memories of people wasting my time and draining me. I can feel concern for things i love drifting away because that is the only direction that good things seem to go in... away. people will suck you dry of positivity and hate you for being that way and try to put every single obstacle they can in your way... and i would just love to forget it all. I look at others and have no idea how they manage to keep it together other than having their stabs they take at things they care about and I see a constant cycle of abuse happening that makes me just want to dissolve... but that can't happen so the thought of retribution constantly comes back to me because i perceive this imbalance, not only in the world but also in people. they want respect yet they seldom give it. they want to be heard and have influence but they seldom listen. they want to say how things should be and make the law yet they never repay for their own mistakes and justice doesn't exist in their worlds. I am so vengeful I'd rather die then crawl back into their world. I'm at a loss of what to do and things keep happening to keep it mildly interesting but it;s really like molasses you know. You HAVE to take baby steps cause your feet are glued to the damn floor and you simply can't move them any faster!

reply to post by NotAnAspie

i dont think you will ever find meaning spelled out and easy to understand, because i dont believe that is possible. for me, it is beyond words, it is the full experience. the absolute truth would have to be absolutely everything with nothing left out. that would include all the lies, which were not lies at all, only dreams within dreams.

Originally posted by BohemianBrim
reply to post by NotAnAspie

 

i dont think you will ever find meaning spelled out and easy to understand, because i dont believe that is possible. for me, it is beyond words, it is the full experience. the absolute truth would have to be absolutely everything with nothing left out. that would include all the lies, which were not lies at all, only dreams within dreams.

I find all kinds of meaning regardless of the difficulty in searching. Not in everything at once of course but I do find meaning. I'm looking for action... flow... elimination of these stumbling blocks. Meaning is just an ornamental thing sitting on a shelf perishing without being actually put into effect.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical

I've been, almost daily, stressing out and thinking and trying to deal with my "spiritual journey" for the last year and a half or so. Sometimes there will be days where everything is perfect and I'm empowered, and as happy as can be, then other times where I'm absolutely disempowered, disconnected, and frustrated with everything.

That's all "mind stuff" good and bad, up and down, right and wrong ....thats all duality and concepts. The real you is prior to mind. The real you is Aware of the mind and its Nagging and all its BS.

I don't know what to believe anymore, but I do know that as I change the world reflects that. I'm having relationship issues (my significant other and I may be parting our separate ways soon, which neither of us want but we both have a feeling that it's going to happen) and it seems almost every other person I know or read about is experiencing the same thing. Every problem that I'm experiencing, so is other people. I can't find a job, nor do I want one. I feel forced into looking for employment, and I'm actually pretty miserable about that.

Let Go..... then all pieces will fall into place. Don't get me wrong, we have to work and eat and so on .... just go about getting work and living life but do it without projecting MIND STUFF into it and everything flows

I've been emailing a few people, listening to bashaar, listening to mooji, and just reading and contemplating, and it only leads to me stressing out. I keep getting stuck in loops of thoughts and beliefs, and I'm just getting sick of it. I remember when I believed and look forward to december 21st 2012, believing that something magical was going to happen and save me from all of my problems, but now I don't even believe that. I feel lost, alone, and I'm pretty much losing faith in everything.

Again your wrapped in the minds projections. Keep pushing the mind and its BS away. Learn to just Be, to Let Go. Stop allowing the mind to project in some future date where everything will be gravy. There is only right Now and when the future comes, it always comes in the Now... so resolve your false projections Now.

I used to be afraid of things like the illuminati, GMO, flouride, whether I'll make the ascension or not, and some other things like aliens and whatnot, but I'm not afraid and couldn't care less about any of that anymore.. now it boils down to my relationship with my significant other (which that situation is BEYOND complicated, I won't even bother explaining that, I'll just say that we both want to be together but something is preventing it).

1. Change is in the air. 2. DOn't be so attached to the significant other. We are merely passing through in this realm and nothing here is permanent except that which Observes all the impermanence. 3. "You" are in the way of the Flow ...and in "you" i mean again the donkey mind.

It seems like I'm being stripped down of everything that I love and enjoy. I'm just so sick of this back and forth crap. I feel as if everything and everybody aside from me is god, and it's all just playing some frustrating game with me for some reason or another...

Yes this happens on the journey. You accepting to take that journey and it requires a complete stripping down, an ego death, then a rebirth like a phoenix from the ashes. Allow it.

Any mind stuff is idea/thought/imagination being projected onto what already is. Let go of yourself. Try the Neti Neti path ...Not this, not this. Any time your mind comes up, or mind says I this or I that, just back away from all mind and thought as not me.... also back away from the one who backs away.....

I like this letting go and not being so much in the mind thing... but yet I still want to point out that you cannot just BE, when your life has been full of stumbling blocks and every time you trip, they serve as constant reminders of everything that stands in your way... of BEING.

You can't just sit and be, you still have to do things. Many people find their garden is full of poisonous roots.

In a case like that, something must be changed, something must be discarded. You cannot simply just be sometimes, to find peace. Sometimes you have to change yourself, sometimes you have to change what's around you and if it's part of the larger cycle, sometimes that takes more change than many people want to even consider.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


You just explained my day to day life as of the past 6 months.....
My significant other feels the same as well....i believe she is a bit more
spiritually sound than i am, but in any case....your not alone. As i type this we
are just finishing the "secrets of the new age" documentary (all 41 episodes) and
im now asking myself "ok now what"...according to this ive been mislead yet again.
Yes im sick of this journey too

in case you want to be more confused...have a look
youtu.be...

Originally posted by smyleegrl
OP,

I don't mean to imply anything, but have you considered checking with your doctor? Many of the feelings you posted are symptoms of major depression. If that is the case, then your doctor may be able to help you get a grip on your emotions so that you can deal with the areas in your life that need improvement.

Best of luck to you

Who could be happy living in this day an age??? if u are, your insane... period.

Originally posted by OhNoItsCritical
I've been, almost daily, stressing out and thinking and trying to deal with my "spiritual journey" for the last year and a half or so. Sometimes there will be days where everything is perfect and I'm empowered, and as happy as can be, then other times where I'm absolutely disempowered, disconnected, and frustrated with everything.

I don't know what to believe anymore, but I do know that as I change the world reflects that. I'm having relationship issues (my significant other and I may be parting our separate ways soon, which neither of us want but we both have a feeling that it's going to happen) and it seems almost every other person I know or read about is experiencing the same thing. Every problem that I'm experiencing, so is other people. I can't find a job, nor do I want one. I feel forced into looking for employment, and I'm actually pretty miserable about that.

I've been emailing a few people, listening to bashaar, listening to mooji, and just reading and contemplating, and it only leads to me stressing out. I keep getting stuck in loops of thoughts and beliefs, and I'm just getting sick of it. I remember when I believed and look forward to december 21st 2012, believing that something magical was going to happen and save me from all of my problems, but now I don't even believe that. I feel lost, alone, and I'm pretty much losing faith in everything.

I used to be afraid of things like the illuminati, GMO, flouride, whether I'll make the ascension or not, and some other things like aliens and whatnot, but I'm not afraid and couldn't care less about any of that anymore.. now it boils down to my relationship with my significant other (which that situation is BEYOND complicated, I won't even bother explaining that, I'll just say that we both want to be together but something is preventing it).

It seems like I'm being stripped down of everything that I love and enjoy. I'm just so sick of this back and forth crap. I feel as if everything and everybody aside from me is god, and it's all just playing some frustrating game with me for some reason or another...

If that's the case, I just hope that me and my significant other can look back one day and laugh at all of this BS that's happening.. and I hope it's soon, because at this point I'm seriously getting fed up.

Well don't think its going to make you feel any better but i could have written this myself, at this very moment.
I just lost my job my car and my partner, and mentally, virtually in the same state. I wouldn't listen to the people that write this off as depression, as i said above. Who the hell can be happy living the way society forces us to. If your content, your either to daft to realize whats really going on, or your happy being a slave.

The only advice i can give is to focus on the present moment. Don't worry about this and that and just enjoy being alive right now. Start some hobbies, do something you enjoy and time shall pass!

And remember, you chose to incarnate into this life. You chose the difficulties for a reason!
goodluck

reply to post by NotAnAspie

In a case like that, something must be changed, something must be discarded. You cannot simply just be sometimes, to find peace. Sometimes you have to change yourself, sometimes you have to change what's around you and if it's part of the larger cycle, sometimes that takes more change than many people want to even consider.

Im saying, everything is already happening... continue to Do, but take the idea that "you" are doing it, out of the equation. There are def changes going on right now, a thickness in the air, a cleansing, everyone can feel it except for the hard-core-ist skeptic. Lost my job too, due to the wrong people being around me (bunch of negative folks working there), regroup and go forward ...but with less 'I' in it

I used to be exactly that what is happening to you now. It's time to see who and what is really at the bottom of the rabbit hole. It's time to be humbled. The new age movement will wear you down mentally and spiritually like a wet sock, because the spirit behind the new age is a seducing spirit. It's sweet candy laced with poison. It's coveting after godhood. It's wishful thinking theorizing. It has no solid foundation and no absolutes. Who in the world would chase after that? Unfortunately, many do because they're so full of themselves.

It all comes down to this: There's two belief systems. There's those who believe they can save themselves, and there's those who believe they need a savior. Every religion and belief system in the world, except Bible Christianity, teaches that you save yourself; you have to do certain works and rituals in order to achieve that. Bible Christianity says you are saved by grace, not because you've earned it, but because you've taken the free gift of salvation. Salvation doesn't come from men, but from God alone. It doesn't come from new agers, 2012'ers, occultists, Mayans, channelers, gurus, Hindus, Buddhists, masons, psychonauts, and on and on. These all teach works salvation.

Pray to God to show you if He's real or not.

While it is reassuring that a lot of other people feel this way, it also makes me feel bad for you all.. and at the same time makes me wonder why the hell this is such a big problem for everybody. I know that we're all one, hell, a song came into my life for a while (some "You are god" song) and I balled my eyes out for hours to it, because I think it struck something deep.. but at the same time scared me, made me feel an incredible amount of love, peace, and reassurance.. but then I feel that I have TOO much responsibility.

I don't want to be god. I don't want to have control or power over anybody or anything. I just want to settle down with my significant other and grow peaceful and old together, maybe open a small business and make a decent living... That's it.

Why the hell does everything need to be so complicated, emotionally painful, confusing, and scary? Sure you could say that living a life of perfection and love for infinity gets old and you'd want to experience something else, but is that how it really is?

While it is reassuring that a lot of other people feel this way, it also makes me feel bad for you all.. and at the same time makes me wonder why the hell this is such a big problem for everybody. I know that we're all one, hell, a song came into my life for a while (some "You are god" song) and I balled my eyes out for hours to it, because I think it struck something deep.. but at the same time scared me, made me feel an incredible amount of love, peace, and reassurance.. but then I feel that I have TOO much responsibility.

I don't want to be god. I don't want to have control or power over anybody or anything. I just want to settle down with my significant other and grow peaceful and old together, maybe open a small business and make a decent living... That's it.

I want to know if there's something larger at work here, or if I am the true creator of all of the events in my life. Is there some plan? Some greater scheme that is being played out? Is everything that happens to my career, relationship, finances, and overall life all my fault?

That's so overwhelming and painful to think about, especially to think that my romantic relationship stress could all be my fault. Are any of you even real? That's a whole other stress in itself.

Originally posted by dominicus
reply to post by NotAnAspie

 

In a case like that, something must be changed, something must be discarded. You cannot simply just be sometimes, to find peace. Sometimes you have to change yourself, sometimes you have to change what's around you and if it's part of the larger cycle, sometimes that takes more change than many people want to even consider.

Im saying, everything is already happening... continue to Do, but take the idea that "you" are doing it, out of the equation. There are def changes going on right now, a thickness in the air, a cleansing, everyone can feel it except for the hard-core-ist skeptic. Lost my job too, due to the wrong people being around me (bunch of negative folks working there), regroup and go forward ...but with less 'I' in it

continue to do things I don't want to be doing. hmmmm........

Not a piece of advice I can say i want to take.

Originally posted by netgamer7k

Pray to God to show you if He's real or not.

edit on 30-3-2012 by netgamer7k because: (no reason given)

I have, and I believe that God has shown itself to me, but I get caught up in this game that it could be me talking to myself... from my experience, God loves to play with us...

I can't even type anymore. You just made me remember something.. something that I can't even put into words.

Thank you.

Our choices are Love or Fear....somewhere in between these two we must insert faith?
After 25 years of trying to find the right path im more confused now than before i started.

Originally posted by OhNoItsCritical
While it is reassuring that a lot of other people feel this way, it also makes me feel bad for you all.. and at the same time makes me wonder why the hell this is such a big problem for everybody. I know that we're all one, hell, a song came into my life for a while (some "You are god" song) and I balled my eyes out for hours to it, because I think it struck something deep.. but at the same time scared me, made me feel an incredible amount of love, peace, and reassurance.. but then I feel that I have TOO much responsibility.

I don't want to be god. I don't want to have control or power over anybody or anything. I just want to settle down with my significant other and grow peaceful and old together, maybe open a small business and make a decent living... That's it.

Why the hell does everything need to be so complicated, emotionally painful, confusing, and scary? Sure you could say that living a life of perfection and love for infinity gets old and you'd want to experience something else, but is that how it really is?

While it is reassuring that a lot of other people feel this way, it also makes me feel bad for you all.. and at the same time makes me wonder why the hell this is such a big problem for everybody. I know that we're all one, hell, a song came into my life for a while (some "You are god" song) and I balled my eyes out for hours to it, because I think it struck something deep.. but at the same time scared me, made me feel an incredible amount of love, peace, and reassurance.. but then I feel that I have TOO much responsibility.

I don't want to be god. I don't want to have control or power over anybody or anything. I just want to settle down with my significant other and grow peaceful and old together, maybe open a small business and make a decent living... That's it.

I want to know if there's something larger at work here, or if I am the true creator of all of the events in my life. Is there some plan? Some greater scheme that is being played out? Is everything that happens to my career, relationship, finances, and overall life all my fault?

That's so overwhelming and painful to think about, especially to think that my romantic relationship stress could all be my fault. Are any of you even real? That's a whole other stress in itself.

Do not let anyone tell you chose things that are unacceptable to you. If anything, you CHOSE to come here to change it. These other forces are the true invaders of people's lives and fate and I'm sure you know what they are and the simple fact is that some are content and some are not and the some are riding on the backs of those who are not content and will not let them BE content.

You no more chose the bad things that happen to you in life than you chose to fight someone who is attacking you... but sure enough, you'll turn around and fight for your life. That's not a choice of violence but others project it onto you. Some people are simply bad and even though bad karma is something i would never want for myself, it's a vicious cycle and when you realize that it is your life... some blood on the hands is most likely justified because it is actually self defense.

You should not be conditioned to simply "be" in a state that is desperate for change.
That is actually very cruel advice to some. I ask those who give that piece of advice to look around and realize that people do not ask to suffer like they do.

Originally posted by OhNoItsCritical

Originally posted by netgamer7k

Pray to God to show you if He's real or not.

edit on 30-3-2012 by netgamer7k because: (no reason given)

I have, and I believe that God has shown itself to me, but I get caught up in this game that it could be me talking to myself... from my experience, God loves to play with us...

I can't even type anymore. You just made me remember something.. something that I can't even put into words.

Thank you.

don't forget that you could be talking to black ops or spying perverts who over amplify their personal causes to invade your privacy.

Originally posted by trig_grl
Our choices are Love or Fear....somewhere in between these two we must insert faith?
After 25 years of trying to find the right path im more confused now than before i started.

Faith is the end of confusion. And God is not the author of confusion. Confusion is from the spirit of error, not the spirit of truth. It's time to learn who Jesus is according to the Bible, not what others say who he is.

Originally posted by netgamer7k

Originally posted by trig_grl
Our choices are Love or Fear....somewhere in between these two we must insert faith?
After 25 years of trying to find the right path im more confused now than before i started.

Faith is the end of confusion. And God is not the author of confusion. Confusion is from the spirit of error, not the spirit of truth. It's time to learn who Jesus is according to the Bible, not what others say who he is.

it would be nice if Jesus was here with his people because there aren't too many people who can really follow in his example. other people and their know it all control game are seldom anything like Jesus. People are generally just chocked full of their own wants and wills and go around trying to put it off on others and then tell them they should be psyched up about it.