My struggle with God part 2

Some time ago I wrote a rant on losing a child you can read it if you want to

www.abovetopsecret.com...

same rules apply, Not looking for stars or flags, Just updating to get a few things off my chest.


Well it's been almost a year since me and my wife lost our baby and can tell you it hasn't and still isn't any easier, if anything it gets harder! OK time for UPDATE

Just when you start picking up the pieces Life smacks you down again.

My dad In Oct. 2011 had a brain tumor, that then went to spine cancer, which took his life March 12,2012 he was 53yrs old. So yet again another loved one dies, This is just another beat the hell out of you when your down. People say it's Gods plan, well if that's the case I wish I could see it. I have no hope for humanity or myself for that matter so I have came to a conclusion, I do not fear death, in fact can't wait to die, yup that's right I pray to God everyday to take me away, and everyday I wake up disappointed, No I'm not going to kill myself, even though it has crossed my mind. So now it's time to seek off line help which I have a consultation tomorrow, my fear of talking to a doctor is once they open my mind they might not like what they hear, an put me in the hospital, but that will do more harm than good I think, If I'm placed somewhere where I can't leave on my own, that it would turn pretty ugly.

But I do have a question if you are killed by a doctor, and know the doctors going to kill you is it still suicide?

woke up in a mood.

reply to post by mytheroy


Could you elaborate on being killed by a doctor??

I know life is hard. Some people's lives are harder than others. But it's all a learning experience. Dealing with pain and loss teaches you how to appreciate what you do have. We, as human beings, all deal with pain and loss in our lives. You aren't the only one. I could write a ton on this, but I don't have a lot of time right now.

But just as a side note, if you tell any psychiatrist or anything that you've had suicidal thoughts, and are still experiencing them, you most likely will be put into a mental hospital for a short while at least. It happened with my father about 8 years ago.

In my life it has never rained, it has always poured. I lost my Mother to a devastating stroke, she could no longer speak but was still alive. I left my job/career to care for her, and so lost my life and independence. That was in July, in September I got a call my only living child had Melanoma, advanced. He died in early October. I know where of you speak. This did not happen this year, it was some years ago.

It does not ever get easier, it just gets less often. You do not know what will trigger your grief, but it knocks you down.

My heart goes out to you. You are not alone, I feel your pain.

Maybe testimonies from others who have experienced what you've been through might help.

Suffering (and a death of a young child/children): Why Does God Allow or Let People To Suffer or Die?

rebeccae.hubpages.com...

I too have lost close loved ones, it is painful and it makes you question the whole idea of God and religion.

Unless you are seriously contemplating suicide, I would not mention your suicidal ideation to your doctor. If you indicate that you are a danger to yourself (or to others) that is an immediate red flag and you could be held against your will for a few days and put on medication until they deem you safe to release.

Take it from somebody who has worked in the mental health field. If you don't want to be locked up in a looney bin with people who are seriously unbalanced, and you know that you really don't mean to act out your suicidal musings, then don't bring it up.

However, if you are dangerously close to the edge, you may benefit from being held against your will. Just be aware that it only takes a few words from you and a phone call from your shrink, and you are in the bin whether you like it or not.

Originally posted by FissionSurplus
I too have lost close loved ones, it is painful and it makes you question the whole idea of God and religion.

Only to some. I've lost my mother as well, only 5 months ago. My family is losing our home, as well. That's just two things going on right now, but we're all still strong in faith.

Now, before you say "I'm brainwashed" into thinking that, you should know that I never go to "Church", even though it is non-Denominational, anyways. Not Apostolic or some legalistic crap like that.

I just wanted to point that out, as some people believe the "sheep" continue to follow the Church even during hardships; and give up all their money and time because of some scam.

reply to post by mytheroy


OP.. I know life is hard, but do not lose faith. The road is narrow and rocky.. but why? Why would God allow His children to suffer as they pursue Him?

Simply put, Satan. He's come to kill, steal, and destroy. Does he care for Atheists? for Muslims? Not really. He already has them.. though, that isn't to say your average Atheist is better off. Sin will find you out, and it destroys "automatically", if you want.

Anyways. If you are a Child of God, you can be sure these hardships will continue. Becoming a Christian is the easiest thing to do, but actually walking the path of the Christian is the hardest.

It's the life I choose, but not the life I wanted. It's the life I live temporarily, to receive Eternal Life permanently.

Doctors will do only one of 2 things - hospitalize you against your will for an undetermined amount of time or put you on anti-depressants. It doesn't sounds as if either of these are going to help you.
My sympathies to you and your family for your losses, I know it has to be hard as hell to deal with. On the other hand what if your child was born seriously ill and required a lifetime of around-the-clock care? Or if your dad had lived longer but done so in great pain? Try not to view death as a solution to your feelings - it isn't. If we continue to exist after death then you will still have to deal with these feelings.
Life isn't fair, we have to accept that. You can't let the loss of loved ones ruin what is left of your own life - they wouldn't want that for you. As a father I know I would want my child to live on and be happy and follow their heart until it was their time to join me in the afterlife.
I don't have any solutions for you and all I can offer is my my condolences and to add to you my prayers. May you find healing and meaning in life again.

Best regards.
ATA

reply to post by Lionhearte


Keeping your faith through hard times is a beautiful thing. Brainwashed is the last thing I would call you.

Losing a child has got to be about as emotionally difficult a challenge as one is ever likely to face. I wish you my best in coming to grips with it, I doubt it's anything you'll ever get over so much as learn to live with.

We all go through adversity, some worse than others, and some take it a lot harder than others. Personally I've never understood why people measure their belief in God against how they feel during difficult times, for me my belief has always been separate from my suffering. I don't just believe in God when times are good and question him when times are bad, I believe throughout and just try to ride the waves as best I can when they come crashing in. Not only did God not promise great things for us in this life, he warned us just the opposite- that life would be painful and difficult. His promise of a perfect life in a perfect world is not now, but post-Armageddon. Until then it's all about perseverance.

OP, I feel for you.

Two years ago, I lost five family members. None of the deaths were related, and all but one were sudden deaths. The time span from the first death to the last was about a year and a half. In addition, my family completely fractured during this time. There are still members who will not speak to each other.

I can't imagine losing a child. That is the ultimate desolation, IMO.

I don't know about God. I was raised in a Christian family but as I've gotten older I'm starting to question everything. But I think that's okay. If God exists, surely he would understand doubt, don't you think? Everyone has doubts about God. It's just that not everyone will admit to the doubts b/c they see it as a weakness.

I've struggled with major depression my entire adult life. I've been in the psych ward for two weeks. I admitted myself and it was the best decision. I've gotten the help I needed. For me, that includes medication and talk therapy. Managing depression is very much an individual struggle. If you decide to take medicine, it may take several months to figure out the best RX and the correct dosage.

I wish I could give you and your family a hug. Empty words, but if you ever need to vent or talk just u2u me. I'm here.

reply to post by mytheroy


I have lost loved ones, and it sucks and there is no good way to deal with it.

One thing I try to tell myself and do actually believe is that if there is a God, which I believe there to be...how does God view human death?

We view human death as a negative thing...we will never see, talk with, or hug our loved one again. And it is the worst feeling in the world.

But if God truly does exist and upon death you return to God...from God's perspective death is a homecoming...a rebirth of his own "child".

I came to this thought while trying to reconcile a death of a loved one...nothing made sense...it didn't seem fair to lose someone I loved so much...how could this be the result of a plan laid out by God. And this is what I came to. Maybe it is just a way for me to cope...but after continued reflection on it...it makes sense in a way.


I'm not trying to convince you God exist...there is no way for anyone to know that...but I thought I would just share my thoughts with you...and maybe give you something to reflect on.

So many of us have been through terrible times. Life with its changes and challenges and tragedies can be overwhelming sometimes. You are not alone and I wish you peace.

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement, and my condolences go to all of you as well,

To be a friend you must be real.
To be real you must have emotion.
To have emotion you must be human.

Something I came up with one day.

Originally posted by mytheroy
Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement, and my condolences go to all of you as well,

To be a friend you must be real.
To be real you must have emotion.
To have emotion you must be human.

Something I came up with one day.

To know happiness, you must experience pain.
To know hope, you must experience despair.
To know completeness, you must experience loss.

My new tattoo for her birthday

Originally posted by mytheroy
Some time ago I wrote a rant on losing a child you can read it if you want to

www.abovetopsecret.com...

same rules apply, Not looking for stars or flags, Just updating to get a few things off my chest.


Well it's been almost a year since me and my wife lost our baby and can tell you it hasn't and still isn't any easier, if anything it gets harder! OK time for UPDATE

Just when you start picking up the pieces Life smacks you down again.

My dad In Oct. 2011 had a brain tumor, that then went to spine cancer, which took his life March 12,2012 he was 53yrs old. So yet again another loved one dies, This is just another beat the hell out of you when your down. People say it's Gods plan, well if that's the case I wish I could see it. I have no hope for humanity or myself for that matter so I have came to a conclusion, I do not fear death, in fact can't wait to die, yup that's right I pray to God everyday to take me away, and everyday I wake up disappointed, No I'm not going to kill myself, even though it has crossed my mind. So now it's time to seek off line help which I have a consultation tomorrow, my fear of talking to a doctor is once they open my mind they might not like what they hear, an put me in the hospital, but that will do more harm than good I think, If I'm placed somewhere where I can't leave on my own, that it would turn pretty ugly.

But I do have a question if you are killed by a doctor, and know the doctors going to kill you is it still suicide?

woke up in a mood.

I didn't have the heart to respond to your earlier post because there isn't a way to explain the loss of a child that is easy to digest. And the last thing i wanted to do was make you feel worse...

We all have our time here... truely all of our days are numbered. Just know there is a reason behind everything... I know that doesn't ease your pain, only time will do that...

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted

Life has a way of kicking you when you're down... but again there is a reason for everything, a lesson to be learned, another day to be conquered

Everyone has a path, some are more painful then others... i've even heard we write our destiny down to the last detail before we incarnate...

God only knows

S&F