How to deal with...

I have a class and everyone in the class is cool except one guy with a bad attitude. I have noticed whenever I talk or do anything he's chuckling to himself and smirking, shaking his head. The rest of the time he's almost asleep/staring out the window. When the rest of the class laughs at a joke or whatever he's blanked faced.

Then I overhear him 'taking the piss' outside class and it's becoming a daily thing, calling me 'crazy' to my classmates and generally just making the atmosphere suck for me there. Today he spent like 20 minutes talking in another language that I don't understand but clearly about me, even mimicking my movements etc. He's from africa btw and this is an international class in China for learning the language.

I'm slightly autistic but I've done nothing to trigger it. I'm respectful to everyone and I talk to all the other classmates before/during/after class without any problems.

How to deal with it? Ignore it I know you'll recommend but that won't make it stop. Confronting won't work either as I have no 'hard evidence' that he ever insulted me at all. Because it's always 'behind the back'.

Fighting is off the table too, not that I don't think I could beat him, but I don't want to become the bad guy.

Suggestions? I was enjoying the class until it began to become an issue.

reply to post by zaintdead


Try and stay away from him. Focus on what you are in class for! Become everything you vision! Best of Luck and do great in school!

reply to post by zaintdead


I know what I would do but it is a bit unorthodox.
All folks claim to be strong people without prejudices but, this all falls away with a test.
I'd act gay and very familiar with him, publicly.
With most men the homophobe instinct kicks right in as most are truly not secure in their sexuality.
In a very short time, this man will either...
A. attempt to beat you. WIN or
B. drop the class out of humiliation. WIN or
C. try a diplomatic approach and cause a cease fire. well not a win but acceptable.
Then in any case, if you get beat, push for the hate crimes prosecution.

If you don't react to whatever he's doing, he'll eventually get tired of it. Its all about getting a reaction. Kill him with a little kindness (as stupid as it may sound) if you're ever in a position where you have to converse with him and he'll mellow out. This has worked for me plenty times!

reply to post by g146541


Everyone's entitled but...I really do think that course of action will just make the problem worse, tensions will rise and so on...

I haven't reacted at all for a 5 weeks now. Doesn't seem he's getting tired of it. If anything he's becoming more comfortable doing it. I swear I give it another month and the entire class will be against me. When I say autistic I don't mean full blown autistic. I'm high functioning, just sometimes a bit awkward I guess. You'd have to meet me 3 or 4 times to realise there's anything 'wrong' with me.

Today during break I was smoking and watching his narration to another African guy, speaking in some language I don't understand. But I was watching and kind of shaking my head disapprovingly, and the guy he was speaking to could see that I knew what was going on but the classmate kept going on and on, for so long he was 15 minutes late returning to class. Am I that entertaining?

reply to post by zaintdead


Is he like this with only you or with others as well? If he's picking on you personally then he has some sort or an issue with you...?

reply to post by Brad-H


Agreed, that is the point.
But OP will not be the first one to throw a physical punch.
Sometimes when you have no water you must make a backfire and fight fire with fire.
(Edit)
Sometimes a sociopath will not give in, this is very true and is best explained by this South Park clip about breast cancer.

Originally posted by Brad-H
reply to post by zaintdead

 

Is he like this with only you or with others as well? If he's picking on you personally then he has some sort or an issue with you...?

Just me. Today in class something very funny happened and we all laughed but he was stone cold faced. But if i speak it's like his ears pick up and I always take a quick look at him after and low and behold... I always have some mints with me, and he'll ask for one at the end of the class and I just give him one. I bet he thinks i'm his little bitch now. So killing him with kindness won't do much.

Oh and on Monday we have an after class pick-nick that will involve alcohol. Know idea how to handle that either.

I know I sound like a highschool/middle school teenager but i'm actually 25. Suprise, autism for you.

reply to post by zaintdead

Be the bigger man. Violence is never really an answer imho. As for autism, I worked with a guy who had it and took (some form of unknown to me) medication and he was the nicest and happiest person in the whole department. Australian too, who I always seem to like.

It could be a mis-interpretation thing, it can happen. Maybe he doesn't mean it the way you are seeing/taking it but don't let it get to you. If talking doesn't help, leave him to get on with it. If people find it funny, that's their problem, not yours. I realise it probably isn't easy but some people just aren't worth the trouble.

If it really is an issue, try the direct approach. Talk to him on his own, be honest and direct and just ask him why he is being like that. If he continues, just leave him and his dumb "friends" to get on with it. I think you are better than that. Friends come and go in this life and trying too hard is not an option. If you can only be funny and liked by others by denigrating another person, then it's going to be a sad and lonely life soon enough for him.

As for alcohol, I don't know how you react to that with your condition or possible medication but let him drink the most. The advantage should be yours then.

ETA One more thing. Do your classmates know you have autism? It might help them understand your possible idiosyncrasies or the things he seems to derive joy from illustrating. Just a thought.

reply to post by g146541


Haha...that episode was hilarious, seen it a few times, but I see what you're saying. Just hoping this kid is not as bad as freakin eric cartman. If it comes to that, then a physical confrontation might break the tension entirely. (Depending entirely on how future events unfold of course)

reply to post by zaintdead


25, ok! (I'm 24) well then surely this guy is old enough to justify how much of a prick he is? Who knows, the alcohol might even be a way of relieving tension? Everyone will be in a bit of a different mind set so it will be interesting to see how this guy reacts when he's drinking...it will show his true colors.

Some of us talked about bringing beer, he talked about bringing 'bourbon'. This is a pick-nick at 1pm on a Monday. He's 22. So we are all adults. I'm going to watch that south park episode.

reply to post by zaintdead


bourbon as in whiskey? its funny you mention that. For some reason, a lot of Africans (black or white) have whiskey when they go out. (I'm a white dude from Africa myself, been here since birth)

Its just occurred to me that you might see another side of him by asking where from africa he's come from and showing a genuine interest in what it was like and stories and what not. Its worth a shot.

Originally posted by Brad-H
reply to post by zaintdead

 

bourbon as in whiskey? its funny you mention that. For some reason, a lot of Africans (black or white) have whiskey when they go out. (I'm a white dude from Africa myself, been here since birth)

Its just occurred to me that you might see another side of him by asking where from africa he's come from and showing a genuine interest in what it was like and stories and what not. Its worth a shot.

Already did that, he's from Cameron. I tried being nice we even have some friends in common which is weird in such a big city. But alas, the 4 day period passes after which you can notice my flaws. I would love to just headbut him without warning (back when I was 17 i'd headbut coke machines to impress people and break them or get free cans to fall out).

I need to act like an adult though.

reply to post by zaintdead


You bring up your autism...is this guy aware that you have it? and as LightSpeedDriver mentions above, is he misinterpreting your actions as offensive? This may even be a jealousy thing going on here, humans are funny creatures.

reply to post by Brad-H


He wouldn't even know what it is if I said the word. Isn't the best course of action to just let it intensify to the point he does it to my face, then report it? He's here on a student visa. At my age it would be embarrassing to use the term bullying though. But a fight would be even worse, if i hit him and he falls down and hits his head on the concrete and dies, i get a bullet in the back of my head. This is China, and justice is swift.

Tell your teacher about it, but not to approach him but observe for future incidents, and if he is caught "red handed" then the school will take care of it. In the future,he will hesitate to do it because he has been caught and also if anything does happen between him and you, now you have evidence and back up to defend yourself.

Good luck.