Suffering from Social Phobia. Advice Needed.

Originally posted by The GUT

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by The GUT

 

Good advice as well...

Ego has its uses.... You gotta know you're good to over come fears of inadequacy

As we both well know!!

...now what do we do my respected friend?

wait for a reply and take it from there...

we got his back!

reply to post by The GUT


Very good advice, The GUT. I know my strengths and I like to think that I also know my weaknesses and one of them is not taking advantage of my strengths mainly because I don't believe in myself. I could certainly profit from being more assertive and less timid.

Being more assertive, however, increases the chances of confrontation which I utterly dislike. I am the type of person who will let everything "hurled" at him hit him without retaliating. It is certainly very Christian, but sometimes I wonder if such an attitude is spiritual in nature or a product of my lack of self-confidence.

reply to post by Alexander1111


Harmlessness is VERY spiritual in nature my friend...

Have you considered body building? Nothing better to stroke the ego then some brilliant muscles... No woman in the world can resist a physically fit man...

They even lie about it... (( i don't like muscles!! )) ...but we know the truth

Originally posted by Alexander1111
reply to post by The GUT

 

...I am the type of person who will let everything "hurled" at him hit him without retaliating. It is certainly very Christian, but sometimes I wonder if such an attitude is spiritual in nature or a product of my lack of self-confidence.

Therein lies my warnings about my own advice. My best guess, from personal experience, is it's a product of both. That is; your true convictions as a spiritual person intertwined with the lack of self confidence that has been hammered into you along the way.

So, I literally pray I'm not wrong here, but go ahead and assert yourself when your soul tells you that you are right...and work out any mistakes later. You might be surprised at the respect you get back even amongst any resulting turmoil. If you have to take one on the chin--either literally or figuratively--make up your mind that you will be a hard-head and darn the consequences. Do that and watch the world change. Word.

Dude; I'm not easily impressed, but I really can tell you have a LOT going for you. I'd be drawn to you in person and know I'd found a rare person to be conversant with. Just about every person with any real depth has to suffer the shallowness of the majority of the world.

One way I hope I've kept the balance is by picking my battles carefully. Meaning that I tried--and still try--to work on my confidence by addressing the bullies in life...and online lol.

When your heart--and I can sense it is a truly good one--tells you to be brave and/or assert yourself--go for it and don't look back. Once I found out that I could "compete" life totally changed for me.

Whether it means anything or not...your obvious character and ability for introspection have already impressed me. Sic 'em, Alexander...and take any "flaming arrows" that come your way like the inner warrior you are!!

reply to post by Alexander1111



I'll try to get back to you within 72 hours.

Have a lot on my plate but your post touches me deeply.

A quick encouragement . . .

Please sit down and try to write down, identify 3-5 social areas where you think you could begin to make

tiny bite-sized steps of progress toward being more outgoing.

Then write out what SPECIFIC ACTIONS those tiny steps might entail. Be very specific. Describe the behaviors clearly. Describe the context clearly. Describe the goal you want for yourself within yourself and the goal you want with regard to others in the situation.

It would be great if you could have that done by the time I manage to get back to this thread.

Blessings,
Bo.

to add to the list of many i see that have already given you some good advise. i too have this phobia and from my own experiance drugs did not help! but facing your fears and getting out there so to speak will. although sometimes it does come back i try this excercise... flame me or do what you will trolls! in my head i tell myself that i am the # and i deserve to be respected because i am me and after a while it does help so ego is good like others suggested just make sure you don't let it get too big!

Originally posted by baerj1
to add to the list of many i see that have already given you some good advise. i too have this phobia and from my own experiance drugs did not help! but facing your fears and getting out there so to speak will. although sometimes it does come back i try this excercise... flame me or do what you will trolls! in my head i tell myself that i am the # and i deserve to be respected because i am me and after a while it does help so ego is good like others suggested just make sure you don't let it get too big!

I like that! You convinced me: You are the #! Keep up the good work.

reply to post by Akragon


I do exercise, but not enough to be considered bodybuilding. I would like to be a little bit more muscular, but I have a fast metabolism which I can only neutralise if I eat a lot and I also have a partially ruptured tendon in my knee which prevents me from working out my legs a lot.

If you have any advice on this, that would be extremely welcome.

reply to post by The GUT


Thank you, The GUT.

I really have tried during the course of my life to be a respectful person and social phobia has helped me a lot in this regard mostly in becoming more sympathetic. People seem to like to be around me and they say that I have a positive aura. Many also comment on my warm smile and that it's as if my eyes smile too. I am surprised to hear similar remarks about my personality from a person who hasn't ever met me in person. Having such a low self-esteem, however, it is difficult for me to believe in any of it and I always wonder how can any positive traits of my personality make their way to the surface through all this heavy mud of anxiety and negative thoughts which even now, as I am typing this, I can feel them as a heavy burden on my chest.

From now on, I will try to be more assertive. It has been some time now that I have identified lacking this particular skill and your posts come as a confirmation to me that I really need to address this issue. Thank you!

Alexander

reply to post by BO XIAN


Hello Bo Xian!

Ok! I will do that. 3 days is a lot of time so I won't worry not meeting the "deadline".

Thanks!

This might sound stupid or embarrasing but I mean it most sincerely: stop any porn habit you have 100%. Take cold showers instead. This will give you the endocrinological fortitude to go out there and meet real, honest live women.

So. I thought of posting some of the things I will start doing in order to win the battle with SAD. So here is the list:

Kava Root
Facing my fears
Acquiring some ego (being more assertive is a good start)
Exercise

I am looking forward to expanding this list with more advice and suggestions from you! I really hope that this thread will receive a lot of replies so that not only I, but also many more people who also suffer from social phobia can be benefited from it. Thank you!

reply to post by FailedProphet


Ok, thanks. I will have that in mind, although I can't really say I have such a habit.

Originally posted by Alexander1111
reply to post by FissionSurplus

 

I always thought that one's organism becomes addicted to the chemicals of the medications. Is it certain that any positive effects from them would remain even after I will have quit taking them? I mean, it worked in your case, but is this what usually happens?

I am also a person who is greatly affected from global conditions and given the way things are right now one cannot be very optimistic. It does help however looking at the bigger picture of reality where your petty problems aren't that important as you really thought.

Personally i would stay away from medication if you can. At the very least read up on long term use, so that you can weigh cons and pros yourself. What the doctors wont tell you is how for example anti depressants can be extremely addictive for some. They can cause strong physical withdrawal symptoms that last for months and can in some rare cases even seem to be permanent. I think these meds can really downregulate the serotonin receptor causing all kinds of issues when you quit them.

reply to post by Alexander1111

Worrying about what others think of you is a torturous thing yes. My bad. Have you ever stopped to think that they do the same thing when they stand in front of you? We all do that to some extent. The fear of rejection, of being put down is at the core of our obsession with how we appear to others. To overlook how others appear to us is a good first step to reversing this quandry of "measuring up".

I hate that I resist life because I might make a mistake and be scoffed by others. Why can't I stop fearing what might happen and just move along? Making mistakes is what makes us human, no one is perfect. And those that judge us or make us look less than are not your friends anyway. They have the same problem and solve it for themselves by tearing others down to look superior by comparison.

I have read your original post and some of your replies. You are a thoughtful, kind and considerate person. Your seeming oversensitivity in a world of hate and cruelty is a sure indicator that you are really a real human being inside.

Try not to worry so much about how things look and bring out this humanistic nature I can see so readily. Given time, others will love you for that and overlook any shortcomings you may have. The ones that judge and scoff aren't worth your time of day.

Interesting post. I can sort of relate.

I'd say the last 2 years I've suffered with some kind of anxiety disorder, but I'm having trouble getting to the bottom of it.

I brim with confidence usually, never really been shy, but lately I cannot be near anyone I dislike, or may have offended, or have unfinished business with, this rush of anxiety just comes all of a sudden.

Even around people I could never be scared of in a million years.

The only root of the problem I can find is about 2 years ago I went through a rather nasty break up with my ex, but he worked in the local shop so I was bound to see often still...and I did. That's when I remember these attacks first happening. When I had to pass by him in the street.

Anyway he's no longer an issue in my life...but I still cant shake off this whole anxiety thing, It's driving bonkers to be honest, if any ones got any advice, please say so

reply to post by intrptr


Thank you intrptr! You shared some good advice and truths. My psychotherapist has also told me the same thing, but somehow paraphrased. She's told me that I am not the centre of the world and that not everyone is interested in how I am looking. Each if us is invested in his own thoughts which most of the times have nothing to do with the rest.

I often think that I am born in the wrong time and place. That I am not too strong to live in such a world. You are right that I am deeply sensitive of what is happening around. I seem to absorb all tension like a sponge and replace it with my energy. I have often noticed that when I am around depressive people or people not in the mood. After a while I notice that they feel better and I feel worse. I don't have a problem if I can be of help to anyone, but I would also like to be able to protect myself...

reply to post by Sinny


Hello Sinny!

I think you should try to be more forgiving of others and of yourself. That way you can also forget and not cling to the past. This rush of anxiety you are feeling could either be unexpressed emotions and thoughts towards the person you dislike or that have unfinished business with or anger. Forgiveness would work in both cases. In both cases you can express your emotions/thoughts/anger, but it should be done in a way not injurious for either party. It is always good to be able to express your feelings (something that I don't do), lest they start piling up and becoming a burden, but it should always be done with consideration. Learning to forgive yourself and others, works miraculously in that any unresolved issue is simply a non-issue anymore, because you are not feeling attached to it any way and you let it go...

I hope this might help a bit.

Pardon my attention span of a gnat - I skim through long posts, because frankly reading anything for more than a minute is an impossible task.

Lifelong SAD here. Always had social issues, and I was dx with depression before I even start school. Want to know what I have learned in 30 years? Pills/drugs help you "cope with reality", but yeah.. they don't change the world around you. I take my meds just to prevent more roadblocks... I have enough of those.
Socially speaking, I am completely without a social life still. Once in a while I reach out and make friends, but in the end it seems they all ditch me and/or screw me over. I often wonder why I bother trying again and again... and this is where the wisdom comes in.
You either keep on trying, and be the stubborn biatch us SAD are (I noticed that most people with that dx are stubborn as all hell)... or you let the world beat you and just give up. I have done the giving up bit - life like that is not recommended. All you can do is keep on trying.

I have no advice on where to go or how to find the mythical "social life" normal people seem to have. As I said, 30 years, 100's of meds, and dozens of shrinks later and I am still clueless on this one. I just know that you have to take the little steps you already do. Posting on here is a small step. Keeping a Facebook, Twitter or other social website account open and semi-active is a good way to remind yourself that there are people out there. I watch those social sites, I rarely participate. But watching others be normal, being social, might help you learn a few things.

And yeah... since we are used to sitting on the sideline watching, we are more empathetic and can easily read people. A lifetime of watching at least gives us that advantage - just find a way to use it to help yourself.

I keep on trying to stick my foot in... try to hop into a social group... hell, even just make ONE friend, but as we get older this seems to get harder. So keep on trying - don't wait. And just keep on writing somewhere - on here, Facebook, in a blog... keep on writing. People might read it, and one day someone will read it and reach out to you. And that someone might become a friend and might just change your life.

*goes back to hiding* Hiding is comfortable - putting yourself out there means you risk being hurt. I am currently trying to recover from being crushed... but I am still alive, still kicking.... sometimes that is good enough.

Originally posted by Sinny
...but I still cant shake off this whole anxiety thing, It's driving bonkers to be honest, if any ones got any advice, please say so

Be your Avatar. Like you are here. We disagree on some topics, but I always find you a ferocious and intriguing being.

Stop Sinning so much though.