reply to post by HackedAlias
Sorry. I just found your post.
The book ATTACHMENTS: . . . by Drs Sibcy and Clinton has 10 steps to take in the back part of it to begin to overcome the effects of ATTACHMENT
As I noted in the thread . . . I have worked hard my 60+ years of life overcoming my very significant degree of ATTACHMENT DISORDER.
I do believe the suggestions in the book are quite helpful.
It is particularly difficult in our era to find folks who are trustworthy friends . . . particularly healthy friends. LOL. It seems like EVERYONE else
has a significant degree of ATTACHMENT DISORDER, too.
I think it has been most helpful to me to reach out redemptively, compassionately toward others who are more hurting and worse off than I am. One has
to be careful and draw good boundaries to keep from being abused with some RAD folks but it's still been one of the better things I've done.
And, I take pottery classes at the local univ. There are folks there who I can relate well with.
All this has become a much keener issue given the last year I got the left boot of fellowship from my long standing church--rather for very
UnChristian reasons and with a lot of hypocrisy on the part of the leadership. LOL. And now . . . with my 91 year old step-dad graduating from this
life . . . one cousin in TX and another in TN . . . the sense of isolation has escalated a fair amount.
Nevertheless, in spite of lots of false starts and disappointments . . . I think it's better to reach out to likely candidates than not to. Today, 3
of the folks I texted for lunch after they left church were unavailable. So I went to the Chinese restaurant alone and ended up playing Chinese chess
with a waiter--and ended up with an apt for his day off to play some more Chinese chess. That was welcome.
And my waitress and the chess player seemed quite genuinely thankful for the pottery mugs I gave them.
I guess all that to say . . . TAKE BITE-SIZED steps. When something fails, get up and try again.
Keep a journal if it's functional for you--to reflect on and learn from.
Some few folks are mostly trustworthy. Everyone will let one down sooner or later. No one but God is perfect.
Avoid poisonous people who are addicted to negativism. Avoid people given to chronic depression.
I personally am done with finding a marriage partner. Once was enough for me. LOL. And, given the way the world is rushing toward Armageddon at an
increasing pace . . . I don't think that I'd want to wrestle with negotiating such an intense relationship on top of the intense dramas with regard
to globalism on the world stage.
Besides . . . I have enough trouble taking care of myself and giving what I can to help others' lives improve. I am not interested in trying to take
care of someone else wholesale day in and day out. LOL. Though I realize a "help-mate" can at times be priceless. LOL.
Yeah, I have a fair measure of the Ambivalent attachment style in some respects. LOL.
Nevertheless, I don't really fit any of the 4 attachment styles extensively. I'm much more tenacious, vulnerable, emotionally intimate and
accessible than the usual RAD victim.
Please keep me posted on your growth and progress. You are welcome to PM me. I'm happy to communicate by email, if you prefer.
Anyway--I'm blessed and encouraged by your kind post. I hope the thread continues to help you in your trek and growth.
I don't think there's a better option than growth.
I think one tends to progress or regress. May as well progress. Regressing is no fun and has no fun results.