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We are Aliens [CWC]

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posted on Mar, 10 2012 @ 08:36 PM
We went to Earth a few years ago. Man, what a wild trip. Near Rigel 4 we totally lost our subspace thrusters and spent five days chumming around the planet's sex-crazed island of Tika-Wakka. I never thought we were gonna make it off that rock. Thank god the thrusters came back online before anymore of us were got lost in that interspecies orgy of craziness, otherwise we would have never completed our mission.

A year after the Rigel 4 incident we entered the Sol system. Passed by the little rock called Pluto (Stupid Earthlings thought it was a planet) and hung out a bit to map out the shortest course to Earth.

We wanted to land right in front of the White House. You know, kinda put on a show. Our intelligence suggested that this would cause the biggest disruption to their society. And you know us Lokinians, we love to cause problems.

A couple days later we cruise up to Earth, burn through the atmosphere and WHAM!, drop right down in front of.... uh... an elephant in Africa. Stupid thing peed on our landing gear. That was Boncho's fault, he was the navigator. Damned guy is always drunk on Alpha Centurion Ale.

Maineye took controls of the ship and landed us where we were supposed to be. He really had to use the toilet. The first thing he said to Obama once he stepped out was, "Could i borrow a restroom, mine broke down 600 lightyears ago?"

Obama wasn't that receptive, he kind just gave us all this look.

My idiot cousin thought it was funny to give our planet's version of the middle finger to the president. Now everyone thinks that's how we say "Hi". I can't wait until Earthlings visit back home with their deep cultural knowledge.

After the niceties subsided, Akragon was explaining to US scientific advisers that he was indeed "Jack's colon" and should they not abide by his scientific rule, then he would kill Jack with a deadly cancer. The science advisers were confused as to who Jack even was.

Butcher Guy offended just about everyone in Congress by asking them if they "have sisters" and "do they like to go camping?" Except for Joe Walsh who said something about 'wanting to watch'.

burntoast was doing an interview on CNN with his tongue sticking out, hands up in the air raving that "your governments have been lying to you filthy humans ". Surprisingly, it was well received by the dirty human population.

jude11 asked Michelle Obama "Wanna go camping?", to which the secret service replied.... two gunshots in the head.

I told the crew to cut down on the camping talk, the humans were gonna catch on that it's a ruse to eat them in the woods. Nothing tastes better than human. Except chicken.

rigel4 who renamed himself after the planet we visited on the way here (Someone slept with a Virginian from Rigel...
) -gave a standard "Greetings... We come in peace" to the people of Earth. Unfortunately, there was a loose grenade in his pocket and he will be forever remembered as Earth's first terrorist alien suicide bomber. He killed Nancy Pelosi. Some actually wanted to give a medal of honor posthumously.

Destinyone had a bit of a breakdown and announced at the UN general assembly that her babies were abducted by humans years ago and she wanted them back. And also, was upset about the anal probing.

Our visit to Earth was met with general, widespread panic and fear.

We aren't going back there anytime soon. Rigel 4 is probably where we will spend the next decade, as most of us are intergalactic alcoholics that are far too promiscuous with those blue girls from Pandora.


This story was created off the responses from a General Chit Chat thread I made.


This is also an entry into the Contact Writing Contest. So flag it if you like it.
edit on 10-3-2012 by boncho because: (no reason given)

edit on 10-3-2012 by boncho because: (no reason given)

posted on Mar, 10 2012 @ 09:05 PM

Shot by the SS?

I guess there are less dramatic ways to go.

Ok, time for a JD shot and cheer to Boncho!



posted on Mar, 10 2012 @ 09:12 PM
reply to post by jude11

I still think rigel4 took the worst rap in this little saga.

I see a three part epic directed by George Lucas and Peter Jackson... Yes?

posted on Mar, 10 2012 @ 09:15 PM

Originally posted by boncho
reply to post by jude11

I still think rigel4 took the worst rap in this little saga.

I see a three part epic directed by George Lucas and Peter Jackson... Yes?

I don't care what happens to anyone else...I got shot by the SS and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm a little proud of that.

George and Pete together? Yes!


edit on 10-3-2012 by jude11 because: (no reason given)

posted on Mar, 11 2012 @ 10:12 PM

There is no chance in hell,I am going to win this "little" contest,with the likes of you,boncho............


...and Yes,Rigel 4 is where I call home!!

posted on Mar, 11 2012 @ 11:26 PM
reply to post by sonnny1

Hey thanks,

I think we should all go to Rigel after the contest is over to celebrate.

posted on Mar, 19 2012 @ 01:06 AM
nice read i liked it btw thx for putting me inthis =]

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