posted on Mar, 6 2012 @ 04:35 PM
I understand what you are talking about. I had a similar experience.
I am not Christian but I am all about forgiveness as a way to heal.
I too was in a situation where the person who "did me wrong" didn't care, and I suffered and spent so much energy thinking of possible ways I could
get revenge, hoping that they exploded, ate some bad shellfish, just generally wanting them to rot.....
But I was the one who was rotting.
I was rotting from the inside out, my soul was becoming just as nasty and ugly and corrupt as their soul was. I was becoming like them. My will, my
energy, my focus was bent on hateful ways to "punish them and make them feel what I felt"
The level of hatefulness, bitterness and rage I carried was making me sick. Really sick. I was my own worst enemy, and because I could not let go of
"what this person did to me" I was ruining my own life.
One day it clicked.....I was allowing this person to still have power over me...they were still affecting me even though they were long gone from my
life. hell no, I thought, I am not going to continue to let them affect me....they had done enough damage.
I was a miserable mess all because I had trusted someone, they betrayed me, and I could not see past my own sorrow and anger to realize that they did
not even know how much they had hurt me. Getting revenge on them would not have satisfied the dark hole they had left in my heart. There was nothing
that could have filled up that hole.....no amount of revenge would have been enough.
So I forgave them to save myself. It was self preservation on my part. I forgave them to save myself from becoming like them. I forgave them because
I had no other way to let go of the pain, nothing else had worked and in the end I truly forgave them because I know they really did not mean to hurt
me.......they were just a screwed up person and I did not want to become as screwed up as they were.
It was liberating. Emotional baggage sux. It gets really heavy and no one carries it for you.
The best thing I ever did was forgive, it really set me free and healed me.