I just want to say how very sorry I am that you have to deal with this. It is heart breaking and will hurt for some time I'm sure, but that living arrangement won't work. You deserve better than that. My heart goes out to you and I wish you strength and courage in this difficult time. HUGS!!!

Im going to play a bit of devils advocate here, you say you work nights and your wife works days, it's apparent she obviously has been feeling somewhat alone in the relationship, you can still probably fix this, sit down and talk to her, suggest you quit your night job, or her leave the day job, compromise.

My partner found it difficult when we first got together as I was working nights for over 7 months, and it strained things, so I changed my routine, fortunately I feel my relationship with my partner is more important than a job, or working a particular shift, why sacrifice your family for a job?.

Lastly, she may be seeing if you will come around to leaving your job, but she genuinely despise you for making her feel alone.

Just work on it and I hope for the best for you.

I think you should call her parents and tell them straight up what's going on.
That is exactly what I would do. I'd tell them to get control of their daughter for you to move on and live your life stress free.

One thing to keep in mind is child support. You will have to pay for your own, but the step-child is another mans responsibility.

Originally posted by DaTroof
Get out now.

If it hurts this bad now, wait until she's asking you to babysit while she goes out with other men.

Ditto the above...You know were this is headed op. If she wants to make a break. Then make a clean break and move on. Lingering because she don't want anybody to be upset is a slow path to a sort of living hell.

I feel like somebody is stepping on my throat and kicking me in the nuts at the same time. I'm not sure if I handle put myself through such an arrangement. Meanwhile she is already carrying on as if nothing happened. Talking and joking like everything is as it should be.

You know for somebody who does not want her parents to be upset, she sure don't mind if your more then upset...Obviously she is crazy, and does not really like you at all. And possibly playing some sort of game, if she is not clear, then cut trough the crap make what plans need be made for the kids and all, then move on.

I know if we split we can maintain a pretty good friendship but the deceit she is proposing is tearing me apart inside.

That just might be the answer. The two dread words most dudes will ever hear. Try and see how she likes hearing them coming back at her. Since she already decided, it's kind of clear what you must do...So oblige her...Just friends.

Well she has admitted that she is doing it for selfish reasons. I told her to seek counseling if she's willing to derail our family for personal reasons.

I've talked with her parents and they were none to happy. Being her parents they have seen the signs and told me she has done this in past relationships. (The father of the stepson is another story, he is a deadbeat). They have seen her ruin good relationships over selfish reasons.

She insists that it has nothing to do with wanting to see others. I do believe that. She wants a single lifestyle. To be able to travel and do what she wants when she wants. She mentioned wanting to travel with the children. I won't let that happen. They need stability and I have her parents backing on that. I don't have much of a family of my own to rely on and no matter what happens I think I will always have her's. My inlaws are really great people.

Today I have started seperating our finances and I will be looking for a place close enough that I can see my children everyday. I love my stepson as one of my own. I have been raising him since he was a baby. I won't split my children away from him.

She says she just needs some time to figure out herself. I gave her until Easter. In the meantime I have spoken with an attorney to have everything ready should things not work out.

I still love her with all my heart. She has taken off her wedding ring and that makes me think I'm going to have an answer much sooner and it won't be good.

My neice recently split with boyfriend of many years. It's been two months and now they are getting married. Go figure. Maybe after your girlfriend has time alone she will reconsider. Who knows?

Miserable parents raise miserable children.

That's really it in a nutshell. You both seem to realize it's over.
Detangling the life you built together into separate pieces isn't going to be easy, but it is necessary, simple as that.

Eventually, you'll both be happier people and the children will benefit from it.
If you can liquidate anything and get in a trusted friend's name...might be a good idea...

dont just walk - RUN !!!!

not worth the stress , heartache and aggravation to stay in a situation like that. learned the hard way then wised up and walked.
plenty of better women out there ....

Originally posted by leemachino
I'm 2 months away from my 5th wedding anniversary. I have 2 young children with her and a 7 year old stepson. His dad is a deadbeat. Today my wife tells me she wants to be friends only. She says we have to keep it together as a front because stepson has been through a lot. Also her parents are very fond of me and she don't want them mad if we divorce. So she wants us to pretend to be a couple and live together but nt be together.

I feel like somebody is stepping on my throat and kicking me in the nuts at the same time. I'm not sure if I handle put myself through such an arrangement. Meanwhile she is already carrying on as if nothing happened. Talking and joking like everything is as it should be.

I know if we split we can maintain a pretty good friendship but the deceit she is proposing is tearing me apart inside.

Excuse my wording here, but you're in an excellent situation to gain the upper hand.

If you felt you wanted to, you could gain the upper hand in filing for divorce with an attorney. You'll be setting the pace and you already see that this woman is no longer interested in a serious experience with you. The mere idea that she wants to continue the charade may actually become an advantage to you in divorce court.

Get to it before she does, though it doesn't appear she will. It's her anxiety that bothers her. She doesn't want her parents mad because she dislikes dealing with it. Her worries have become reality and she wants you to keep up the farce. You'd be encouraging her anxious behavior and decision by continuing to keep up.

Either way, I don't have a gain in which way you choose to go and leave with it your choice on how to proceed.