The Lord [CWC]

reply to post by rebellender


Thanks for taking the time to read it!

Yep...I have to get a next chapter on this one........

reply to post by sonnny1


!WHAM! Moving.

Will read it more closely after I finish some other posting.

Thanks for letting me know.

Good work.

Can I make a minor criticism? Constructively? Or is that frowned upon?

reply to post by sonnny1


Good job.

Not a lot of comments to make . . .

Short. impactful.

Not sure what the message is.

reply to post by khimbar


Of course! Comments criticism,praise. I take it all.........

Just to let ya know,I wrote it all off the cuff..........

Originally posted by sonnny1
reply to post by khimbar

 

Of course! Comments criticism,praise. I take it all.........

Just to let ya know,I wrote it all off the cuff..........

Change the title. The impact of the end is kinda foreshadowed by the title so the twist isn't as strong as it could be as the reader is forewarned of what's coming.

If the title had no reference at all to the end, it would work much better.

Just in my opinion of course.

Other than that, I really like it!

reply to post by khimbar



Taken under consideration.........




TKS again......

reply to post by sonnny1


Dang. I felt everybit of that story. Creeped me out.

Fantastic! BT

Originally posted by BearTruth
reply to post by sonnny1

 

Dang. I felt everybit of that story. Creeped me out.

Fantastic! BT

The exact response,I was looking for actually...........

Thank you for the kind remarks.............

Originally posted by sonnny1
reply to post by khimbar

 

Of course! Comments criticism,praise. I take it all.........

Just to let ya know,I wrote it all off the cuff..........

And I followed here from the post on the board business trying to comprehend you're POV on "The Lord".

Originally posted by reitze


And I followed here from the post on the board business trying to comprehend you're POV on "The Lord".

Glad you came.

Did you like the story?

Originally posted by sonnny1

Originally posted by reitze
And I followed here from the post on the board business trying to comprehend you're POV on "The Lord".

Glad you came.
Did you like the story?

Yea but its more like reading a dreamed future scenario than just fiction. Funny too - last night dreaming I actually saw an unknown creature - 1st time "in dream" or anywhere other than TV/ATS and stories like here on ATS. Maybe I've been hanging out on ATS too much?

So in dream last night...

I was traveling via electric car as the charge ran low, then by bicycle in my home town. As I went down a path by the river I was thinking of my whether or not I was going the right direction to get down town - or if I should go back the other way... meanwhile there was a women on the path in front of me and she was really scared. I saw her turn quickly and swat at something low in the grass. As I got near I stopped while deciding to turn around. And asked her what was wrong.

She said "those things are after me" while pointing to the grass and with body language implying some sort of little people type "things" that had been after her feet/legs. Somehow I believed her.

I reached out my hand and offered to walk with her to back to the road and as we walked I heard a few motions in the high grass between the path and the river - and we kept going. After about 50 yards I didn't her them anymore.

When we got to the stairway the path went on and I asked if she'd like to keep going or go back up to the street. She wanted to get back up to the street as fast as possible. The stairs were 1 person wide and she went first. When I was 1/2 way to the top I heard something and turned around to look. THERE IT WAS!

It said "HI", waved to me and then passed through the concrete wall to under the road. I guessed there must have been a tunnel or sewer under there but it was quite odd.

It was about 3 feet tall and very thin. Its head was sort of pumpkin shaped, and its skin was tan.

As I was waking up I replayed the dream a few times trying to figure whatever happened to my bicycle while I was by the river - if I had left it behind of if I was actually carrying it back up those steps... it worked 'in dream' regardless.

But OMG, that's the 1st time I've ever "seen" anything (even "in dream") and it was a pretty strange thing. Most of my other dreams have either current-events or life foreshadowing sorts of "hmmmm value" with normal human conversations and interactions...

So this dream coupled to yours? right now? Oh sorry I didn't take the time to read yours till just now - at first glance I had the impression I was reading a prison-diary scenario and didn't immediately take interest, it was late, etc.

Nice work and its an interesting story. It does seem odd that we've both dreamed ET/Underworld creatures in future scenarios that aren't very good.