Test your knowledge of Texas!

Here is a fun quiz to test your knowledge of Texas:

1, What phrase is NOT common in Texas?
A. I tell you whut
B. All hat and no cattle
C. Shiver me timbers
D. Low-down pole cat
E. I can't right now, I'm having a herpes flare-up

2. What is commonly thought of as the state beer of Texas?
A, Budweiser
B. Coors Lite
C. Heineken
D. Lone Star
E. Alamo

3. In what Church can you get a beer?
A. First Baptist
B. Catholic
C. Cowboy Church
D. Unitarian

4. Driving which vehicle into a redneck bar parking lot will get your ass kicked?
A. A big gas-guzzling Chevy Suburban
B. An old Ford Crown Victoria
C. A big, stinking diesel Ford F-250 with a brush guard on the front
D. A tractor or riding lawnmower
E. A Toyota Prius

5. What does a true Texan do to their jeans?
A. Wear them 2 sizes too small, ensuring a muffin top
B. Rip holes in the knees to look scruffy and "cool"
C. Iron them with starch so there is a noticeable crease in the shin area
D. Make them into cutoffs for that "Daisy Duke" look
E. Run over them a few times with their truck to give them that "worn" look

6. Texas State Troopers wear cowboy hats as part of their uniform.
A True
B. False
C. Most motorists don't look at them because they're rollin' dirty

7. What is the state flower of Texas?
A. Poppy
B. Indian Paintbrush
C. Purple thistle
D. Bluebonnet
E. Cactus Blossom
F. Hemp flower

8 What is NOT an export of Texas?
A. Cotton
B. Oil
C. Cattle
D. Ron Paul
E. Music
F. Free-thinking Liberalism

9 What cartoon best exemplifies Texas life?
A. Looney Tunes starring Yosemite Sam
B. The Simpsons
C. King of The Hill
D. Foghorn Leghorn
E. Spongebob Squarepants

10. What part of Texas is most likely to be hit by a tornado?
A. North Texas
B. Southeast Texas
C. West Texas
D. Central Texas
E. Anyplace that has a trailer park

11. What are most houses made of in Texas?
A. Wood siding
B. Brick
C. Tar paper
E. Mud
F. Slave labor
G. Fraudulent Adjustable-Rate Mortgages

12. Which best describes women in Texas?
A. Big hair and big mouths
B. Sweet, demure, and quiet
C. Not afraid to speak their minds and packs a pistol
D. Missing teeth and full of tattoos
E. Fat as a cow but makes a mean pecan pie
F. All of the above

13. Which best describes men in Texas?
A. Tall, lanky, polite and loves his mama
B. Vain, mean oilman a la Larry Hagman
C. Small, scrappy, and chews tobacco
D. Singing cowboy with rhinestones riding a horse than can count with his hoof
E. Beefy and rowdy, wearing camo pants and a wife-beater sleeveless shirt
F. All of the above

14. The German immigrants of central Texas and the Cherokee Indians have the only
unbroken treaty between the white man and the Indian, still observed to this day.
A. True
B. False
C. There are only Nazis that fled after WW 2 and went too far north

15. What is Tex-Mex?
A. A Texas Mexican-American
B. A big Texas steak served rare on a bed of refried beans
C. Mexican food with a unique Texas flair
D. Mexican food served by cowgirls with spurs
E. An illegal Mexican immigrant who swam the Rio Grande

16. What does Texas have more of than any other state?
A. Hot air
B. Oil wells
C. Mexicans
D. Prisoners
E. Undeserved bravado
F. Land
G. Dust and tumbleweeds

17. What is the favorite hard liquor of the hard-drinking Texan?
A. Jack Daniels
B. Southern Comfort
C. Bathtub Gin
D. Wood alcohol, which accounts for so many blind guys
E. Tequila

18. What have you learned from this fun quiz?
A. Not a damn thing, your time was wasted
B. Texas is a diverse, unique place
C. You now know you never want to visit it, not even on a lay-over flight
D. Your interest is piqued; you may want to check it out someday before you die

I will post the answers shortly.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


c

d

Answers to the above quiz:

1. C
2. D
3. C
4. E
5. C
6. A
7. D
8. F
9. C
10. E
11. B
12. F
13. F
14. A
15. C
16. Any; take your pick
17. A
18. Any; take your pick

reply to post by FissionSurplus


you left out west Texas's love for the crystal

as a native texan who is fairly embarrassed by my state.... that was funny!

reply to post by pasiphae


Thanks, I wrote it to tease my west Texas born and bred husband. He thought it was hysterical, so I thought I'd post it.

reply to post by Lysergic


I'm sure there are people out here who love "the crystal", but I don't know of any. Gotta write what you know!

i think the part that made me laugh the most was the ironed crease in the jeans . SO TRUE. why do texans do that??? it's so silly looking.

reply to post by pasiphae


I KNOW IT!! When I met my husband 6 years ago, he used to take his jeans to the dry cleaners in town, extra starch, big crease down the front. They were so starchy they could stand up on their own. Because I'm a California gal, I thought it was really weird, not to mention a waste of resources and time by taking them to the cleaners.

When we got married, I said his jeans were going in the washer, and then the dryer, and then they would be hung up, California style.

Only in Texas would a pair of Wranglers be considered formal wear.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


that is hilarious!!! jeans to the dry cleaners. i think that might be a deal breaker for me.

The crease is ironed into the jeans to give the appearance of being newly purchased. And if your from Cali you should be used to this since most of the thugs and gang bangers do the same. I'm from Austin (a transplant). The only city in that state that is worth anything. If you ever get the chance I would recommend visiting there at least once in your life. I guarantee you won't be disappointed. It's not all tumbleweeds and cowboys. Austin is a very progressive and accepting city. Unlike most of the rest of TX. And I have lived in and visited just about every inch of that state.

reply to post by txjab512


that's where i live

reply to post by txjab512


I have been to Austin, several times. It is a great town; progressive, lively, and has the best music on the planet.

This "quiz" was not a slam on Texas, this is why it was posted in the Jokes forum. My next "quiz" will be on California.

BTW, the gang bangers in Cali, with their creased jeans, are after my time. In my day, they wore chinos (khaki pants) with plaid shirts, and drove Chevy Impala low-riders, like in the movie "Up In Smoke". The last time I was in Dallas, it was crawling with gang bangers, and their pants hung around their knees...didn't notice any creases. I don't think there's a state in the union now that isn't infested with them in the bigger cities.

There are many things about Texas which are unique, and kind of funny, but that is why I love it here, and don't ever plan on leaving, even though it is dusty, has tumbleweeds as big as Volkswagens, and is full of cowpokes and oil field workers. My apologies if you didn't get my humor.

reply to post by pasiphae

When you meet a good-looking, available guy with a good job and oil money flowing on the side, who cares about his jeans? He is the finest man I've ever met: Moral, kind, intelligent, and yeah...Loves his mama.

He was willing to give up the starchy jeans and go "Cali" for me. That was the only part of his Texan upbringing that I changed.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


you definitely found a good one!! he sounds like a keeper for sure. ( i was just joking about the crease being a deal breaker - if i could find a sane sweet honest funny guy i wouldn't care if he had creases in his jeans )