Robbed Or So I Believe?

Hello all have to admit this isn't a forum where I generally dwell, however today i'm glad to find it exists. Let my rant begin..
My mum passed away on the 7th Feb she had dementia and for the last few years of her life had no clue who she was much less me.
I was her full time carer and when she passed away it was at home with her family. Even though I knew it was coming I still went into shock the last two weeks have been a bit of a blur the doc gave me Valium. He said its an old fashioned method but it will get you through and so away I popped.
Me and mum had been living together for the last decade we owned our home and where ok financially until I gave up work to look after her.
It seems in the UK if you are a carer to a sick realative that entitles you to just £30 a week more than the average single person on unemployment benefit, What a p*ss take that is, if I hadn't cared for my mum it would have cost the government thousands of pounds in care home costs! And even though that still winds me up it's not actually the focus of my rant so whinging tangents aside..
Because we where living on basic means I had to rely on mums life insurance policy to cover the costs of her funeral. Only when I rang them they told me that mum never had a life insurance policy it was a health cover plan.
They added in quite a cold manner that as my mum was 89 when she passed she was no longer insured as her policy only covered her until the age of 81. And then the cold hearted voice on the end of the phone rounded it all off nicely by telling me dementia wouldn't have been covered anyway. In my Valium induced stupidity I thanked her for her help.
Then I went into complete meltdown, the funeral directors wouldn't proceed without a deposit of £2000 and I had not a penny in savings. My beautiful family rallied around and we managed to come up with the deposit and so 10 days after she passed they finally gave us a funeral.
I stopped taking the happy pills and slowly things became clearer, it began to dawn on me that for 8 years the insurers had been taking money from my mum for nothing!
So I rang back and spoke with another call handler of the cold hearted variety. I told her that since my last conversation with her colleague I had recieved a letter from them telling me they had closed mums policy and stopped the direct debit that she had set up for them, the same letter also requested a death certificate from me.
I said before I send you anything I have a few concerns that I would like to discuss, as in..
My mum told me in no uncertain terms that she had a life insurance policy with your company and that not only would it cover the costs of all funeral expences but there should be enough to give her a bloody good wake and all, (her words not mine.)
Further more in 1998 my mum had a hip replacement that we paid privately for, surely had she known she had health cover she would have at least tried to claim for it? And of course lastly if my mother was a valued customer and with you since God was a boy, how come when she was to old to be "helped" you didn't stop taking money from her each month?
The reptile replied we don't have a CONCERNS department so I will pass your complaint over to the correct department and they will be in touch with you shortly.
Today I recieved confirmation from them telling me that they will look into the matter, I hold no real hope of anything positive coming from this. Insurers are after all just a bunch of bankers.
I feel full of toxic puke so needed an outlet and this was just that.

I hope you find peace. The rough times that humans are going through these days are depressing. Some die of eating to much and some of eating to little. Some have to much money so they kill themselves and some have to little so they commit suicide. I am glad that you're on your foot and have sustained a good health. I wish we could help you but we are so limited.
I hope you for the best, Peace

reply to post by ImaMuslim


Thank you so much for you kind words, and in truth you made me realise just how blessed I am. And it's definately true when they say better out than in. Have a nice day, Peace.

Gather and keep all info and correspondence you have from them between you and your late mother.

Acquire the original terms and conditions of the policy that your late mother signed.

If it does indeed say that after the age of 81 she is not covered then report them directly to the police as this is theft.

If it is life cover however and they are not holding up to there end of the bargain. Take all info and report to FSA and FOS:

www.financial-ombudsman.org.uk...

www.fsa.gov.uk...

Hope this helps.

reply to post by CR4V3N


Thank you for the advice, I am going to contact them again now and get them to post me a copy of her original policy hopefully they will comply. I will update here with any further news. Peace.

reply to post by serenecalamityz


good luck
and don't give up

i went through the same story as yours with my grandma

in our case Soc.Sec. is supposed to make a payment for funeral expenses
once i reported her death and gave them her number they tried to end the call
and hang up, fortunately i saw it coming, and RAISED my voice to max decibels
"HEY WAITAMINNET, you're supposed to send me a check to cover funeral expenses"

"oh! we don't do that anymore! -CLICK-
other relatives helped a bit,however,
since society gave the F-U to my grams [who worked till she was 85]
i chose to reciprocate, 24 hrs later, between what little my relatives could donate, and a number of catalytic converters and air conditioning units i "found" and sold i was able to pay for a basic funeral.

about a year later i saw a teeny tiny article in the back of the paper stating that an investigation was underway concerning the system-wide theft of SS funeral payments. never heard anything about it again googling shows nothing or if it's there, it's buried under mountains of unrelated SS fraud or information on how to go about making claims [yes they are making payments and always have]

this was during bush jr's last year.

fortunately, in your case your relatives were able to help

don't let this drop in my case it was just a few hundreds [which i've creatively recouped by not paying certain taxes, since certain government bodies are unaware of grandmas passing away]

in your case it's thousands

work out,get as much sunshine you can, meditate and eat properly.
i know from personal experience how draining being a caregiver is
what matters is in the end is you took care of your mum and didn't send her off to a home

First I am sorry for your loss. Give yourself time to grieve, don't expect to be over it for a good long time and don't let anyone tell you that you have grieved long enough.

Second, I have a question for you. If you had it to do over again, would you? I already know your answer.

I cared for my Mother who was able to eat, that is all, no talking, no moving, total care. Before that she had dementia. There was no question that I would care for her. We had discussed all these things in my family and had assured one another if it was humanly possible we would care for each other as opposed to an institution. I was an RN, but I could not take care of my Mother and my Father and work, so I gave up working. In the US there is no money for those who care for loved ones at home, or if there is I did not ever know of it. My Mother lived for two years in a vegetative state, my Father and I cared for her 24/7. I had no other siblings to help.

After my Mother passed, my Father and I were shell shocked. As time passed and we looked back on that time we were always amazed we did it.

If my Mother had not raised me, helped me up until she couldn't, I would not be the person I am. It was the least I could do to care for her when she needed me. I have no regrets.

I know that given the choice, you would still care for your Mother, as I did. I hope things work out for you. Blessings

reply to post by Iamschist


Without blinking yes I would have done it again, however there are many things I would have done differently. I didn't tell mum she had dementia I wish I had. I was scared that if she had known what was about to befall her she may have taken a way out.
I had a romanticized idea of what alzheimers would be, I truely thought mum would become stuck in some kind of time warp where she was blissfully unaware of reality and lived each day stuck somewhere in her own history of time.
Now I fully understand the gravity of dementia no way would I have kept it secret, I have made my children promise me that if I follow in her footsteps they will let me know before its to late to make my own choices.
And as a fellow carer I appreciate you like you said your mum gave you the strenght to become the being you are, I relate to that my mum did the same for me.
It seems we have a few things in common as I was also an only child.

When my Mother was demented, she kind of knew it. Sometimes she would cry and ask us "What is wrong with me". We lied too. Here is why. The information would not have been retained and there is a very good chance it would have hurt her. You did the right thing, you bore the burden of her dementia, so she did not have to. You did good, you did your best! Was it perfect, is anything here? Don't beat yourself up. You have been through enough pain.

reply to post by Iamschist


I am so glad I found the rant forum, you have really made me feel better and I truely thank you for the kind words and the good advice. I had never looked at it from that perspective I actually climbed outside the box, seriously I thank you.

I got all choked up reading about your experience. I am so very sorry that you lost your Mom and that you have to deal with all this other stuff besides. I wish you the strength and courage to carry on. Don't give up. That company owes you money!!!!

reply to post by Night Star


Thank you, I appreciate you caring, It has really wound me up having to worry and fight for money at a time when all I really want to do is sit down in a darkened room and remember my mum prior to the dementia, And I know I have said this so many times now.. I am so glad I found you guys in the rant forum you have all helped me so much, with not only practicle advice but a genuine out pouring of love too. Blessings to you all!!

reply to post by DerepentLEstranger


You are right the beneifits agency do still make funeral payments, but these days you have to pay them back, which I admit winds me up. My mum was a land army girl, she worked at Vickers during WW11 and was caught in the middle of an air raid there where she ended up losing half of her ear.
During the same raid her youngest brother was killed. None of this matters today, she worked her entire life until age got the better of her at 73. She never took a day sick and never claimed any kind of benefit, until retirement when she was entitled to a measly state pension.
If I claim for a funeral payment it will them be taken back from me at around £3 per week, which sounds viable until you do the math.Until I manage to get work I am going to be living on £50 per week, 3 from that is a lot with a home to run.
And the absolutley most retarded thing is, if I get work I don't have to pay back what I owe them, they will only take it out of my beneift and will not trouble my wages? How stupid is that!
I would rather owe family who have the common sense and decency to see that at the moment I am in no position to return there money, but will do so as soon as I can.
Anyway thanks for your comments and for making me smile Peace.

Originally posted by serenecalamityz
reply to post by DerepentLEstranger

 

You are right the beneifits agency do still make funeral payments, but these days you have to pay them back, which I admit winds me up. My mum was a land army girl, she worked at Vickers during WW11 and was caught in the middle of an air raid there where she ended up losing half of her ear. During the same raid her youngest brother was killed. None of this matters today, she worked her entire life until age got the better of her at 73. She never took a day sick and never claimed any kind of benefit, until retirement when she was entitled to a measly state pension.

Your mom sounded like a very cool lady, sorry for your loss.

It saddens me to read your story after all your mother went through in her life and it comes down to money. She seemed like a hard working women.
I hope things get worked out for you.


Im in the States, what I don't understand is if your mom paid into these benefits even after 81 (if I understand correctly) they should be able to be used esp if they kept taking her money. How can they take 8yrs of money from her only to turn around and say oh sorry but benefits stop at 81? It is robbery it seems if they took that money from her after 81 and then said it wasn't valid.. I sure hope things get worked out for you because this just doesn't seem right or fair.

Best wishes and hugs to you.

So sorry you've lost your mum. I lost mine about 14 years ago now. And when you lose someone close you have to start dealing with a new bunch of strangers in your life too, don't you, for one reason or another? Just at the time when you want to be alone for a bit.

It's also a shock that those people on the end of the telephone seem to have no compassion. It's all business to them. I've been there. Just keep your cool.

Maybe a lawyer will help. I'm sure a first session is free and if they're good they'll tell you exactly what to do. At the least it sounds like they owe you all the back payments for a policy that didn't exist plus interest accrued over the years. They're bloody tricksters. Take them all the way, but do it in your own time and don't let them stress you out. Good luck.

reply to post by wigit


And when you lose someone close you have to start dealing with a new bunch of strangers in your life too, don't you, for one reason or another? Just at the time when you want to be alone for a bit.

So very true, I really do just want this to be over so I can sit down quietly and reflect on the wonderful woman my mum was. Still I am moving forward and know that what doesn't kill me will undoubtedly make me stronger. Peace.