The stupidest warship in US history... probably in world history

To be precise, the worst crews...

The 5 Craziest War Stories (All Happened on the Same Ship)

Do you ever get sick of hearing about "the greatest generation"? For over 60 years now, it's been all "they survived the Depression" this and "they defeated the Nazis" that and "they never looked stupid in hats." Well, not everything the heroes of the 20th century did was pitch perfect. For example, the WWII destroyer USS William D. Porter was easily the stupidest ship ever launched. If ships were people, this one would be the kid who ate paste off a stick. And then almost killed the president by accident.

#5. Wrecked a Friendly Ship Just Pulling Out of Port

#4. Nearly Blew Up the President's Boat With a Depth Charge ...

#3. ... Then Accidentally Launched a Torpedo at the President's Boat

#2. While in Exile, Fired a Shell at a Base Commander's House

#1. Finally Sank in the Most Embarrassing Way Possible

The whole thing is just hilarious... they should do a movie on these people... the failure is just of epic proportions..

Lol good stories; did you just fire at the commanders house, nope lol

reply to post by Vitchilo


Hehehe, very humorous accounts.

thanks it was a good read

reply to post by Vitchilo


I guess Barney Fief did the recruiting for this ship lol. I never thought one ship could be staffed with so many morons in one mission. I bet the commanders of that ship never sailed again.

Seriously , you have to be joking.
Your joking aren't you?????????

What a great and funny read, and what a jackass crew with a jackass captain.
Were lucky that this ship sank long ago as it may have already started ww3 if it was still afloat.

PS.
I think they have already made a movie was based on that ships exploits.

S&F. Great story. So much for the invincible Americans in WW2.

Can you imagine how these sailors felt after they learned FDR was on board?

"Daddy doesn;t have any damn war stories! We told you he was stateside the entire war!"

reply to post by Asktheanimals

Can you imagine how these sailors felt after they learned FDR was on board?

The worst about it? They knew...

What can you do when the first three crewmen on the roster were Larry, Moe, and Curly......nuck nucknuck
Hilarious story mby the way...s&f fer ya too
i laughed till i cried!
s

To start, I'm not trying to detract from overall intent, the humor and obvious hyperbole from this thread, so please don't take it that way. I S&F'd the thread.

Having said that: for the real story read the source of Cracked's cracked up story here.

I'm not trying to be a moderator here. Just suggesting a fact check. This applies to Cracked; it SHOULD apply to us: "Breaking News" or similar is simply reporting what you hear or read from reputable sources elsewhere, as they happen, with little to no means of cross-referencing; "Off Topic" or other "opinion" pieces should have some research done before posting in order to either determine the legitimacy of the topic or reveal the errrors.

If you read the Cracked site and compare that to Iowa's site and you'll see at least one discrepancy, probably more.

Here's some I found.
Cracked says:

...the president of the United States, the secretary of state and the joint chiefs of staff were on the Iowa....

... the geniuses on the Willie Dee never got around to disarming their anti-submarine weapons. And on November 12, a live depth charge just fell off the deck. Fell. As in it kind of rolled off, into the ocean, within killing distance of the president of the United States. And it exploded....

My observation:
A depth charge falls onto the deck of a ship, rolls to the water, and goes detonates astern of the WD and damages nothing. AND that is within killing distance of the President on another ship? Yeah, it triggered general quarters and battle stations on all ships involved but there was no immediate danger to the Iowa... unless the Iowa was trailing the WD, which it apparently wasn't as a later torpedo incident suggests the Iowa was ahead of the WD.
Iowa says:

The four-ship convoy, consisting of the IOWA and her secret passengers, the W.D. porter and two other destroyers, was under strict instruction to maintain complete silence as they were going through U-boat deeding ground where speed and silence were the best defenses. Suddenly, a tremendous explosion rocked the convoy and all of the ships commenced anti-submarine maneuvers. The maneuvers continued until the W.D. Porter sheepishly admitted that one of her depth charges had fallen off the stern and detonated in the rough sea.

I add, the charge exploded astearn the WD, and at sufficient depth to not even damage the WD.
Stupid? Accidental? Yes. Within killing range of the President? Nope.

And Cracked says that a freak wave washed a sailor overboard after a torpedo nearly sank the Iowa but the wave happened after the depth charge incident and before the torpedo incident.
From Iowa:

The maneuvers continued until the W.D. Porter sheepishly admitted that one of her depth charges had fallen off the stern and detonated in the rough sea. The safety had not been set as instructed. Captain Walker's fast track career was fast becoming side-tracked.

Shortly thereafter, a freak wave inundated the W.D. Porter, stripping everything what wasn't lashed down and washing a man overboard who was never found....

... The morning of November 14, 1943 dawned with a moderate sea and pleasant weather. The IOWA and her escorts were just east of Bermuda when the President and his guests wanted to see how the big ship could defend herself against air attack, so the IOWA launched a number of weather balloons to use as antiaircraft targets....

...Over on the Willie Dee, Captain Walter watched the fireworks display with admiration and envy. Thinking about career redemption and breaking the hard luck spell, the captain sent his impatient crew to battle stations, and they began to shoot down the balloons that, missed by the IOWA, had drifted into the W.D. Porter's vicinity.

Down on the torpedo mounts, the W.D. Porter's crews watched, waited and prepared to take practice shoots at the big battleship, which, even at 6000 yards seemed to blot out the horizon. Torpedoman Lawton Dawson and Tony Fazio were among those responsible for the torpedoes and for ensuring that the primers (small explosive charges) were installed during actual combat and removed during practice. Dawson, unfortunately, forgot to remove the primer from torpedo tube number three.

reply to post by WozaMeathed

Cept 'Down Periscope' is about a submarine. You know, cause it has a periscope.


reply to post by abecedarian

I bet you're fun at all sorts of parties!

reply to post by Vitchilo


Maybe the ship was doomed from the start but as far as the greatest generation , they were by far . They overcame and persevered great hardship always watching one another's backs. Today's generation is a disgrace compared to them.

I've always gotten a chuckle out of this one....







Gotta love the Irish.

Thank you OP, this was a very fun and interesting read

It begs the question though. Was it really incompetency or possible sabotage? For example the undisarmed depth charge, 3rd torpedo that happened to not be fake, and a drunken sailor shooting at a party with officers and family.

Maybe I am reaching here but hey, someone had to do it

reply to post by FugitiveSoul

reply to post by Morg234


It's funny any way you slice it. This urban legend has been making the rounds for a long time, and has changed to suit the times over the decades. Variations include American/Irish, British/Irish, American/Canadian, but the oldest version turns up in a book from 1939:

The fog was very thick, and the Chief Officer of the tramp steamer was peering over the side of the bridge. Suddenly, to his intense surprise, he saw a man leaning over a rail, only a few yards away.

"You confounded fool!" he roared. "Where the devil do you think your ship's going? Don't you know I've got the right of way?"

Out of the gloom came a sardonic voice:

"This ain't no blinkin' ship, guv'nor. This 'ere's a light'ouse."

reply to post by Vitchilo

#4. Nearly Blew Up the President's Boat With a Depth Charge ...

#3. ... Then Accidentally Launched a Torpedo at the President's Boat

hmmmm...Accidental? Or Intentional?

Maybe they just screwed up their REAL target?



Peace

Originally posted by WozaMeathed
Seriously , you have to be joking.
Your joking aren't you?????????

What a great and funny read, and what a jackass crew with a jackass captain.
Were lucky that this ship sank long ago as it may have already started ww3 if it was still afloat.

PS.
I think they have already made a movie was based on that ships exploits.

edit on 25-2-2012 by WozaMeathed because: (no reason given)

edit on 25-2-2012 by WozaMeathed because: Was Laughing To Hard And Made Mistake's

I was actually thinking of Down Periscope while reading their bloopers. The only difference is that Down Periscope redeemed themselves at the end of the movie.

How did a pathetic thread like this get so many flags and stars, when I created a decent thread on the Battle for Australia and got less than 9 flags?

reply to post by Vitchilo


Some people never get it right. It happens. Somehow the Navy grouped them all on this ship. Ship happens. Foibles and ineptness follow us around but we should get things right in spite of the .01% eventually. There is no need for the no doubt .01% approved copy to invade our subjected servitude to media ramblings.

Originally posted by FugitiveSoul
I've always gotten a chuckle out of this one....

Gotta love the Irish.

Funniest thing I've read in weeks! Thank you!