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For over 65 years Hell's Mad Science Diet has been the leading provider of quality canned human brains for The Republic of the Cannibal Islands. Now Mad Science Diet is available here for Your Zombie today. Your Zombie does a lot for you... He Drives you to work, answers your emails, votes for you, sits in for you at boring meetings and family functions. All you Zombie wants from you are your brains. Now you can give him the next best thing... someone else's! Who cares who's, they are not yours! Zombie Chow: Undead Delight- Homestyle Brains is pack with juicy brainy goodness! Almost guaranteed to fully satisfy your zombie's cranial cravings!
As the appointed keeper of the family zombie, it has been a point of pride to serve only the very best in intra-cranial nutrients. Your product knows no equal in terms of weight, mucosity or extra chunks of medulla oblongata.
However, I was somewhat distressed to find fragments of what appears to be a .22 copper-jacketed slug at the bottom of the latest can. I was given to understand that your human brains were lovingly harvested via a baseball bat precision-administered to the right temple in order to minimise jellification of the temporal lobes and the bitter aftertaste that comes with that.
Has there been a change in processing, or is this can (hopefully) just an employee who got too curious about your 'livestock' sources and, well...