So,I have my daughters phone now,the fun begins

Kdog .........

I am really dissapointed in you and as a parant you should know better .
This little stunt of your is hurting your daughter more then you will ever know and just so you know , if she wants to talk to guys there is nothing you can do about it , this shouldnt be a problem unless you are a bad parant and from what i have seen from you in this thread , You Are .

I honestly cant believe you see what your doing as a good thing .
To be honest it is especially creepy and your daughter wont forgive you for it .
You can bet your ass everyone at school now knows how absolutely wierd you are and your daughter is probably and will for a long time now because of you cop alot of flak for it . Children are ruthless , especially at school .

The fact that you dont seem to grasp the severity of the situation is very troubling too. You know what they say about people that arent all there in the head , that they are the ones that think what they are doing is fine..
In doing this you have completely obliterated any trust you had with your daughter and now she will not trust you for a long, long time.

You will be extremely lucky if its just the kids that know your a freak but chances are that alot of the parants of these kids now know aswell .

You really messed up here .

You will be lucky if someone doesnt call child services to go to your house and see if you are violating your daughters relationship in other ways .You should get on your knees and apologise to her for what you have done and either give her phone back or do as you SHOULD have done, turn it off and put it away .

Or are you living out some unfed Homo erotic fantasy ?


Omega

I have just read a few more pages and OH MY GOD what is wrong with you lot!

Im guessing none of you have kids, if you do and your making the kind of comments you are, I would suggest you go and get some lessons in how to raise kids. They need structure, boundaries, love, trust and respect but most of all they need protecting and keeping safe. You let your kids do what they want when they want and your in for a whole load of sh!t.

I admit that I wouldn't have texted her friends back and maybe not even read her messages but if i did (and in the future I might) it would only be out of love and wanting to protect them

this thread is unbelievable... you lot are unbelievable.

reply to post by dannotz


it's people like you I was talking about in my last posts... your a child, how would you know anything about raising children!

this is ridiculous! I bet 90% of the reply's to this thread are from kids who can obveously relate to the 13 year old but have noooooo idea about anything other than hanging with mates and chatting up chicks

kdog ignore these kids and fools, they know nothing!

I agree that this is creepy and you are alienating your daughter.

In my opinion, if you want to raise strong, independent, intelligent and capable humans, you need to offer choices. Acting as a tyrant will only cause them to choose the opposite course of action without much thought.

I understand she's young, but that's all the more reason to explain clearly the consequences of her actions and give her a CHOICE. Let her know that she needs to scale back her texting, calling, phone use. Let her know that a cell phone is a responsibility and lay out clear guidelines and expectations for it's use. If she fails to follow those guidelines confiscate the phone - but DONT talk to 13 year old boys pretending to be a 13 year old girl.. It's creepy, and people go to jail for it.

I hope you close this rift with your daughter - you are her role model and everything you do has an impact on how she will be. If you show her the good and bad of things and gently guide her she will have more respect for you and these types of harsh punishments won't be needed in a couple years when she will REALLY start to rebel if you keep this up.

Good luck, hope you make the right choice. (I have kids, so don't think I'm just talking out my rear here.)

Originally posted by doubledutch
reply to post by dannotz

 

it's people like you I was talking about in my last posts... your a kid! how the f**k would you know anything about raising children!

this is ridiculous! I bet 90% of the reply's to this thread are from kids who can obveously relate to the 13 year old but have noooooo idea about anything other than hanging with mates and chatting up chicks

kdog ignore these kids and fools, they know nothing!

edit on 22-2-2012 by doubledutch because: (no reason given)

No one disagrees with taking a cell phone away from a child.

It's the other totally inappropriate behavior people are upset about.

And the "playing" with young boys on a cell phone pretending to be a girl. Then lying about a 30 year old Cuban? It's getting bizarre

Originally posted by kdog1982
She might despise me,now,but she is only 13 years old and totally inappropriate for her age.

first question - how did she aquire the phone in the first place ?

Originally posted by kdog1982When her grades come bck,she will get her phone back.

hang on - is it ` inapprorpriate for her age ` or a punishment for scholastic failings ?

Originally posted by Astyanax
You have been reading the private messages of teenage girls who are not your daughter. Do you realize how creepy that is? You may justify it all you like as parental discipline, but that doesn't really explain why you chose that particular style of 'discipline' – why you chose to violate your daughters' friends' rights.

They are NOT private messages. Unless you want to show me the legality of it,when it comes to MY household,my devices,my internet.........Its only creepy if I were to be texting them back,at least in my book.

Why wont you answer the questions I lie before you?????

Bet you Eric Harris and Dylan Klebolds parents would have wished THEY snooped a bit more,hey ????

I bet you the Parents of the dead children these kids killed,would agree.......

You didnt answer it it the last time,and obviously this exact scenario, throw holes in your argument.Because Parents DIDNT see the signs,and DIDNT check their children's belongings......Tell me otherwise?

You being the "MORAL" police doesn't change the fact,that as long as my children are under my roof,I will do what I can to protect them.

From drug talk,to sexting,things I believe a 13 year old has no reason to chat about,especially to someone she may "believe" to be her friend. Ironic,hey ? Because texting is random,and NOT personal. You dont know who is on the other end,and that's a fact. Unless you want to tell me otherwise.......

cause for all I know,you might be my kid,right???????????

I'd have to say the pretending to be a 13 year old girl is the worst part. Not only is it dishonest, but it is downright creepy. Imagine the embarrassment she has to go through at school. "hey sally, i heard your Dad wants to go out with mike" "Hey sally? Your dad been in jail lately for pretending to be a 13 year old girl?". You are officially the creepiest father on ATS.
You may think you are doing something correct right now, but she hates you and as soon as she gets a whiff of freedom, she is going to go nuts. It's one thing to monitor your childs friends, and even to read her texts and emails is still ok at her age, but when you pretend to be a 13 year old girl and talk to 13 year old boys as her, just for some cheap thrills, you are crossing a line.
Girls should be able to talk to boys without their narcissistic, insecure, morally bankrupt father going on a tyrannical ego trip and ruining her life. And don't fret, she is probably going to rebel and in less than 14 years, you'll most likely have a grand daughter's live to secretly infiltrate and ruin.

reply to post by Hawking


ok so the texting bit was probably a step too far, but where did the op make up things about a cuban? Im confused...

below poster, hardly any!

This thread is out of control, it's not like the op was trying to pick up 13 year old kids, he was checking to make sure his daughter was safe (maybe keeping the snooping a secret would have been better). You lot have blown it out of all proportions. I think a bit of snooping is fine, it's called protecting. Replying to the texts was a bad idea but hey, we all have those.

[color=dodgerblue]I wonder how many of the responses bashing the OP are parents?

Scenario: You get your kid a phone. Its in your name. You are paying the bill. You agreed the to the terms and conditions.

Your kid sends another kid an inappropriate picture.

That kid's parents see the picture and they are pissed. They call the police and charges are pressed.

Who do you think gets in more trouble? Child pornography, anyone? That's a very serious charge.

The pictures, inappropriate talk and 'sexting' or what have you... can most certainly lead to other things. It is our job as parents to protect them from themselves.

Teenagers have an under developed frontal lobe that doesn't allow them to see the consequences of their actions, causes them to be egocentric and also makes them think that they are invincible. Because bad things only happen to other people. That's why they need us, that's why they need guidance. And unfortunately the way their brain is wired won't allow them to learn from our mistakes, as much as we wish that they would.

I can agree though that OP shouldn't have been having conversations with his daughter's friends in that way. but I think taking the phone away was the right thing to do.

reply to post by kdog1982


Your post made me realize - I was incredibly lucky to have the parents I had. Both gone now. They treated me as an individual, with love and respect

This is the most important part: even when I misbehaved

You did a very juvenile, mean spirited thing - and you're supposed to be the parent. You may have lost her respect - and her trust. I'm guessing you posted here because you already knew you crossed a line - and you wanted backup. You've got some positive reinforcement - from people who also believe they're not so much there to guide their children as they are to be their judge, jury and jailer

It's not too late. Think about it a while, wait until your calm - then apologize to her

You don't strike me as the type that is good at apologizing, but do it anyway. Mean it - from the bottom of your heart. Then have a serious talk with her about why you did what you did - because you believed you were protecting her - and teaching her - out of love

It'll be OK - but not until she knows that invading her privacy and treating her like you owned her was something you now realize was wrong

good luck

seriously - I mean it - good luck

edit - to remove some things I said in anger. You're her dad - you love her. I really think you don't understand what you've done - try to see it through her eyes

Fellow parent here. You cant expect to receive what you cant provide and that is respect. Respect her privacy and social circle. Unless it's a life threatening situation, there should always be boundaries and those go both ways. Be respectful of her privacy or, as another forum member stated, she will rebel against you in devastating ways.

Good luck.

reply to post by kdog1982


how wonderful to be a trusting parent who learns kids to take responsibility and respect other people, including their privacy.

in other words: i don't approve the method.
but then again: i do lack too much information to make more statements, as I have no idea on the family dynamics, to mention just one extra factor. Maybe such practices are common? in that case, what's the fuzz? I know I would never treat mine like that.

reply to post by daryllyn



I agree,texting with the kids friends is over the top.

Reading them isn't,because you really don't know who the text are from.

My daughters friend gave my daughter a fake Facebook page.
Did it for her,just for gags.......
Identity theft,just like that,without my daughters consent,or my consent.

Still up,BTW...........

Children forget about consequences.sometimes you have to step in.

Originally posted by Hawking
Good way to have your daughter distrust/despise you till she's out of college.

Totally agree! The OP is humiliating his daughter and showing no respect... Big mistake.

reply to post by kdog1982

Originally posted by kdog1982
F$$k you all and I will parent my child as I see fit.

Then why did you ask for our input?

You know, it's quite ironic that this forum involves a large amount of people who are against the idea of tyranny, nanny states, police brutality, drastic "enforcement" of the law, etc.... Yet in the name of "protection", they confiscate their children's personal belongings and treat it like a childish game by posting on the internet, asking other people from other countries what to do - because this parent obviously can't instill values based on his/her own judgement.

I mean, i just saw a thread regarding teachers inspecting children's lunchboxes. Whether or not they are doing it in the name of "protection" is irrelevent - you're AT that level now, and are good solid evidence, that anyone with such power can and probably will use it objectively.
And because you're an ATS member, it goes to show that as much as we may complain about authority, some of us are susceptible to the exact same behaviour as our worst enemies in this world - given the chance.

I don't think some of the members around here have a genuine interest in something called "humility" and respect for their common man. They may be exhibit it now, on these forums, behind a name - but will they talk the talk when given such power? Apparently not.

Originally posted by kdog1982
You peeps don't get it don't you.
Have you ever heard of pedifiles under the the guise of someone else?
Get a clue,cause obviously you don't.
I will do anything to protect my little girl.

My advice? (for what it's worth), You should not use her phone as a weapon against her, as she will probably rebel against you even more (just think the greek riots, OWS, etc). In fact, at her age, your actions towards her peers will probably have a ripple effect. I mean, what if something becomes of it, and she hurts herself? The best method i've seen of helping helpess family members out, is to let them fall - Let her fail. Let her see for herself. Because as long as you're telling her what's good for her, she won't take you seriously.

There are hundreds of ways to skin a cat ya know. Just for your daughter's sake (and you're own), don't be so agressive, or hostile.
She may not take you seriously now, but she will respect you more later in life if you're genuine about it.

If you post on these forums, expect replies. Don't be so close minded. Your agressiveness towards other membes just shows that you are your own worst enemy

Originally posted by kdog1982
You peeps don't get it don't you.
Have you ever heard of pedifiles under the the guise of someone else?
Get a clue,cause obviously you don't.
I will do anything to protect my little girl.

Do you notice the irony in the statement above? If my son was texting a girl and it happened to be the dad toying with him, I would be forced to immediately step in. What if your daughter was texting anyone her age and the same scenario played out? Wouldn't you wonder about the intentions of said individual? Isn't it plausible to think there is a sexual connotation to this role-play? What would you do in such case? Just shrug it off?

Hell, maybe the "cuban" was a "concerned father" as well.

Maybe you guys should share parenting tips...by the fire place...with champagne and music.

reply to post by kdog1982


I personally don't think you are out of line. Good for you! You found out what is going on.

I do think (if you haven't already) that you should sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with your daughter...tell her why you have disciplined her the way you have...and about the inappropriate actions of some of her callers and why what they are doing is wrong. Talk to her about good morals and teach her to be a lady and that she does not have to put up with the sleazy behavior of others.

reply to post by Snoopy1978


haha yeah, i just realised. He's worried about pedofiles acting behind fake identities, yet he's using his daughter's identity (his own daughter) to contact her friends.

Quite sad, this logic.

With your daughter being only 13 I think you should
keep close tabs on what is going on. I just think you
are handling it wrong. Instead of playing games with
the boys that call why not be up front and tell your
daughter you checked her phone and was unset
at what you found. Keep it in the family at least,
no reason to have her be embarassed at school.
By having a discussion with her it would let her
know you have rights as a parent and that you
are mature not some Dad that plays games with
her friends.