Why do the nice guys go after the users?

reply to post by calstorm


most "boys" are looking to get hurt, cause they want a women to run them around.

"MEN" want a real relationship, no games, no nonsense.

Stop dating boys and find yourself a man. He'll probably be older than you, considering the age at which men mature is later than women.

Just my 2 cents.

~Tenth

reply to post by Eidolon23


Eidolon23, what about "nice guys" named Steve?

Oh, and can lawyers be "nice folk" even if they be gals.


Or are they all just like, the Toad?

Originally posted by calstorm
I see this happen over and over. I see the guy tripping over himself to impress a girl that any other girl can can see from a mile way that she is only in it for herself. Sometimes I just want to slap them silly to wake up and realize they are going to get hurt. These girls are pros and know just how to get what they want with out any disregard to the other person, While they are a small majority it seems like every decent guy out there has been burned, because they go through men like crazy. Even if you tried to warn them, they aren't going to listen.
I guess the nice guys just don't like to go after the type of girl that they could have a healthy relationship with. Only the ones who like to flirt with every man that crosses their path.

I cannot speak for all guys my friend, but I have been known to take on the broken winged angels.

My reason is simple. They need a good guy more than you do.

I have never regretted any relationship.

If you are so good, go help a bad boy.

They like good girls.



With Love,

Your Brother

reply to post by calstorm


Say what! I thought there was no such thing as nice guys. Even read it on this site, could probably link threads if I cared to.

But no I think the nice guy or the nice girl is kind of like a myth. People generally go for whatever there attracted to and want, or in most if not all males cases for whatever comes there way in the right time, while in the right frame of mind, really you would be surprised how much circumstances especially the circumstances of everyday life play into this, and everything tugs in hundreds of different ways and directions when it comes to this subject. Well at least for me they do. Sometimes it seems to be just a toss of the dice, and sometimes you just toss the dice so you can decide on one direction and get it over with.

I don't consider myself a nice guy, more like a nice enough guy. And I think that is what most everybody else is. Though mostly I am just beyond weird, not compatible and have been that ever since young. And as such, I don't even bother with such things it plays to much in my mind, that game got old a few lifetimes ago for me, and besides I know how that game will end and were its going, so I just humor it till it and they move on. And that seems to be the story so far.

But mostly from what I seen and observed "nice" or anything as such has very little to do with anything. If anything its just a byplay, and to even tell more truth! I don't think I have ever actually seen a girl say that and not be attracted and go like a heat seeking missile to exactly the opposite of what they said.

But mostly as we know both females and males don't really want or like nice guys as much as they say they do. Or if they do it is something that is in the minority, and ok I will admit that by nature I am nice, but the ladies do seem to be looking in my direction more when I play the bad boy which then for some reason I pop onto there radar. And when I play myself I disappear from there radar again. There are some discrepancies between what people say and what people do in both men and women, but actions tell there motives true. And the end tale is told by many on this relationship section of ATS.

Have you ever played grand theft auto? Or any like video-game, one thing you would notice is that when you get a new car you never drove before or seen around much and you drive it around in that game world...You will see that same car everywhere you go, when previously it was nowhere to be seen. The game is programmed to do that.

And in some ways so is the game called life. If you look close you will notice that we only notice what we want to see. Such as in your response to Calnorak, you only saw what you wanted to see when he said something totally different. It is a habit that we all have.

Why do the nice guys go after the users?

The answer is that they go for the users because they want to, and like to, it is what they have in there sights, in there minds eye. But to be a user is one thing, and to be and abuser is another, but one does lead into the other at the drop of the hat.

Originally posted by LilDudeissocool
reply to post by Eidolon23

 

Eidolon23, what about "nice guys" named Steve?

Oh, and can lawyers be "nice folk" even if they be gals.

Or are they all just like, the Toad?

Point taken (I think). Prickly generalizations get us nowhere.

Mea culpa.

There is no correlation at all.

People go after what they find attractive, it has nothing to do with their character (other than defining what they see as attractive, I suppose.)

As for me, I don't stress on either. If you make me feel good feelings, then I like you. If you make me feel bad feelings, then bye-bye birdie. This applies to all of my relationships, friends, family, etc.

Anyway, yeah. A guy, or gal, will go after what they want (In this case, most likely attractiveness). That is all there is to it, nothing magical or mysterious.

Originally posted by calstorm
I see this happen over and over. I see the guy tripping over himself to impress a girl that any other girl can can see from a mile way that she is only in it for herself. Sometimes I just want to slap them silly to wake up and realize they are going to get hurt. These girls are pros and know just how to get what they want with out any disregard to the other person, While they are a small majority it seems like every decent guy out there has been burned, because they go through men like crazy. Even if you tried to warn them, they aren't going to listen.
I guess the nice guys just don't like to go after the type of girl that they could have a healthy relationship with. Only the ones who like to flirt with every man that crosses their path.

I've only ever encountered the users though who didn't even use me, just made me their plaything to screw with that didn't require a relationship to form first. Taunting me with their crap as if they were interested when they weren't.

Maybe the girl I'm having fun with long distance is the opposite and more like me in personality but she's the only exception I've encountered in life so far.

Originally posted by Eidolon23

Originally posted by LilDudeissocool
reply to post by Eidolon23

 

Eidolon23, what about "nice guys" named Steve?

Oh, and can lawyers be "nice folk" even if they be gals.

Or are they all just like, the Toad?

Point taken (I think). Prickly generalizations get us nowhere.

Mea culpa.

Did you read my signature? Just please don't call me a hypocrite.

Originally posted by adigregorio
There is no correlation at all.

People go after what they find attractive, it has nothing to do with their character (other than defining what they see as attractive, I suppose.)

As for me, I don't stress on either. If you make me feel good feelings, then I like you. If you make me feel bad feelings, then bye-bye birdie. This applies to all of my relationships, friends, family, etc.

Anyway, yeah. A guy, or gal, will go after what they want (In this case, most likely attractiveness). That is all there is to it, nothing magical or mysterious.

It's a two way street the way I see it.

reply to post by LilDudeissocool


What two way street?

People go after what they want.

That's it, super simple and super sweet. "Why do the nice guys go after the users?" Because it is what they want. Also, the "user" tends to be more attractive than the offended party. (To the person choosing)

The real question is, why would someone want an guy (or girl) that was not interested in them?

Originally posted by calnorak
We have to get burned at least once, after that if we get burned again then we become idiots.

I got burned once, unfortunately I married again but this one is going on 9 years. If I didn't' have a son, I'd be happily single.

Luckily I had a friend that got burned multiple times, learned from that, that's for sure.

Originally posted by adigregorio
reply to post by LilDudeissocool

 

What two way street?

People go after what they want.

That's it, super simple and super sweet. "Why do the nice guys go after the users?" Because it is what they want. Also, the "user" tends to be more attractive than the offended party. (To the person choosing)

The real question is, why would someone want an guy (or girl) that was not interested in them?

I'll answer your question with a few questions. Why is the world's oldest profession the world's oldest profession? Why do wealthy men for the most part want trophy wives?

Originally posted by adigregorio
The real question is, why would someone want an guy (or girl) that was not interested in them?

Originally posted by LilDudeissocool
I'll answer your question with a few questions. 1) Why is the world's oldest profession the world's oldest profession? 2) Why do wealthy men for the most part want trophy wives?

Before I answer, let me remind others what I have already stated:
"People go after what they want."

Now I assume you are using these as defense against my question, quoted above. Which is unfair, considering we were not talking about ladies of the night. However, trophy wives would fit if the wealthy guy was also a "nice guy".

And, as I have already stated it is because of attractiveness. The guy WANTS an attractive gal, and the guy thinks that his wife is attractive.

This brings us to the girl he passed up for his wife. Why would she want this guy, who obviously bases more weight on looks than substance? Or, as I asked originally:

"The real question is, why would someone want an guy (or girl) that was not interested in them?"

Even the hooker gets interested when Ben Franklin comes out And this trophy wife, well she married a wealthy husband...

reply to post by adigregorio


Can you explain to me the difference between a one night stand hooker who dates multiple johns and a trophy wife who is a live in hooker with a steady john?

reply to post by adigregorio


Scratch my last post.

Dude, you're from Fullerton. You should know this crap cold. Guys want sex and women want money, you know to buy lots of things because that's how they're wired. Nice bums don't get attractive women. Even nice good looking bums don't get attractive women. Why? Because women use dudes for money.

Now are there women who want an intelligent guy who might be less than wealthy so they will have a greater chance of having intelligent kids, and a partner who they can converse with without becoming bored in conversation? NOPE! There are sperm banks and iPads to carry on conversations with PhD basement dwellers at will. Besides woman have better sex with other women says the latest surveys, meaning, "Ben Franklin" can be strapped on these days and it's always hard.

Bottom line, women who want nice guys have the option to chose nice gals, and given the choice they will chose a nice gal over a nice guy.

This means nice guys will always finish last if they can't buy user women who want MONEY.

Why do nice guys go after the users? All men do if the users are attractive. It's just not a nice guy thing because call men are driven by physical attraction, and women are driven by money. It's why men are driven by money. Take away attractive women and the GDP would crash overnight. No one would bother to show up on Wall Street the next day. All the men would go hunting and fishing and live in dirt floor cabins. The human race would come to an end when that generation passed on. That's because guys would prefer jacking to porn over doing it with butt ugly women.

reply to post by LilDudeissocool


Again, why would a guy or girl want to date a person un-interested in them?

As for the hooker/trophy wife, I believe I stated that they were both in it for something.

Again, people do what they want, obviously they don't want the negative party. In this case, a nice gal, (or guy). Why would the nice gal, or guy, want to date someone that is doesn't want them?

Furthermore, I would dare say if someone was to get upset at not being chosen, they may not be as nice as they think they are.

Originally posted by adigregorio
reply to post by LilDudeissocool

 

Again, why would a guy or girl want to date a person un-interested in them?

From a guy's perspective status and the sex if the gal is attentive enough to exchange those benefits for the cost. It's business.

Originally posted by adigregorio As for the hooker/trophy wife, I believe I stated that they were both in it for something.

Right, both are a business transaction.

Originally posted by adigregorio Again, people do what they want, obviously they don't want the negative party. In this case, a nice gal, (or guy). Why would the nice gal, or guy, want to date someone that is doesn't want them?

I'll refer you to what I have already stated in the first quote box.

Originally posted by adigregorio Furthermore, I would dare say if someone was to get upset at not being chosen, they may not be as nice as they think they are.

Yeah, they're called, possessive psychos.

It's not hard to understand why nice guys go after users if the user is attractive enough to make it worth the nice guy's while. Keep in mind nice guy's have to be both nice and a person of means. Destitute nice guys don't get to shop in the market being discussed here.

Originally posted by adigregorio
reply to post by LilDudeissocool

 

Again, why would a guy or girl want to date a person un-interested in them?

Because the nice guys/girls wanting to date the uninterested person are those who were never thought of as attractive during childhood by peers and thus have severe low self esteem issues because of it. They therefore see someone or know someone personally that may have a trait or two similar or share an interest and then suddenly, find themselves attracted to, in love with and wanting to pursue a relationship with that other person.

Even if they know the other person is not interested, their self esteem is so bad that they like to think they can change that person's mind or impress them enough to end up dating said person.

If the knowledge of lack of interest isn't there then it's the same thing as the above paragraph but without the desire to change minds and opinions.

It usually ends so badly that the self esteem is further shattered and the cycle repeats over and over.

Originally posted by curious7

Originally posted by adigregorio
Again, why would a guy or girl want to date a person un-interested in them?

Because the nice guys/girls wanting to date the uninterested person are those who were never thought of as attractive during childhood by peers and thus have severe low self esteem issues because of it. They therefore see someone or know someone personally that may have a trait or two similar or share an interest and then suddenly, find themselves attracted to, in love with and wanting to pursue a relationship with that other person.

That is an aweful large generalization there. How many nice guys + nice girls are out there? This paragraph sure looks like it is saying all of them have this issue, if this issue even exists in the first place.

Originally posted by curious7
Even if they know the other person is not interested, their self esteem is so bad that they like to think they can change that person's mind or impress them enough to end up dating said person.

This confuses me. Low self esteem would mean that the person thinks they are less than others, correct? Then how could they think they had the power to change someone "better than" them?

Really it all boils down to attractivness. We all know this, deep down. But for some reason there must be a dance, nice = not attractive. At least to the person that the nice one desires...

Lastly, if your hypothesis is correct. The nice person is not nice, they have a disorder and should seek therapy. Nice would imply "well grounded", not prone to manipulation. (Trying to change someone is not nice.)

BASIC INSTRUCTIONS FOR GUYS

Look. It's because guys go about it all wrong. Now I don't know if your goals are temporary or permanent, but the same rules apply:

Guys: Want a good looking woman because good looking women are more likely to produce healthy off-spring. Good looks equals good health. Larger breasts means ample food. Wider hips equals easier births. Guys are programmed to want this because it means their progeny are more likely to survive. And look. Good looks does NOT mean good sex. If you've been around, you know what I mean. Sometimes the less attractive women are much better at sex because they need to try a little harder. But men go for the superficial over the competent every time.

Promiscuity: Guys are programmed to want to mate with as many attractive women as possible because this increases the chances of their progeny to survive. they do not have to raise the kids, only make them. This is a physical issue, not a moral one.

Gals: Want a well-heeled man who is capable of protecting the woman and providing the home and hearth needed to raise children. She can only have one kid every couple of years (with lactation inhibiting ovulation.) It doesn't matter what the guy looks like or how "nice" he is. Those are not survival characteristucs. Rich macho men who are aggressive enough to protect women are what she wants. This approach means their progeny are more likely to survive. Guys driving a Benz are more attractive than guys driving a Toyota. Them's the breaks.

Promiscuity: Women need the male to protect them. Unlike males, it is not in their best interests to be promiscuous. They need a safe home to raise their kids.

THIS is the reality of the sexual marketplace. We all have a value depending on which of these traits we exhibit. If we exhibit "nice," that is not a winning survival trait. It means the male is not capable of protecting her from another aggressive male. "Nice" has little value and tends to indicate a weaker male, a beta, not an alpha. The best approach a man can take is to be somewhat aloof and somewhat negative. You must act as if you don't want it. You must be a negative tease. If you do this, you raise your value in the sexual marketplace and you will be more successful.

Women have this all figured out, by and large, even if they would never express it in quite this way. Men don't. Nice guys are losers. Deal with it.